The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

[Tarrant220]

I've seen the self destruct button pressed quite a few times, I think I know the signs fairly well and I've changed myself quite a bit and I like to think I can see when someone really is changed and why they aren't. Granted I can be wrong, I'm not claiming otherwise.

In terms of drinking I was talking to her, she mixed herself a drink and we were talking on and off throughout the night, around 6 hours later (no we weren't talking all night) and she mentioned how 3/4 of her drink was still sitting there and she was drinking water now instead. The only thing she really cares for now is wine, same as me. That works out well. Booze isn't her thing anymore.

Parties, she went out to dinner with some friends for a birthday last week, after dinner they went to the bar, she called it a night, bars are no longer her thing.

She works a lot, she could go out much more then she does but she's in bed by 9:30 during the week and I know on weekends she is either seeing her family or as of late, out with me.

And I'm not saying there's potential for a relapse. It's been about 2 years since her phase, she loves her job, wants it to be her career (she works in pediatrics during the week) has her head on strait and is down to earth. It'll be a long ass time before I'm not looking at her for signs of her going back down the wrong road but you can be sure as hell if and when she does I'll say something once...then bail, I dealt with it all with my ex wife...not doin git again...EVER.

[Tenks]

Yep you'd know the situation much better than I would. I haven't seen you make any glaring obvious mistakes to comment on (rather you've been doing many right moves) so in terms of 'not fucking up 101' you're passing with an A+ which is about the only thing this thread can assess.

[Grooverider]

Originally Posted by Tenks

Well I didn't want to shit on your parade Tarrant but I can explain my situation a bit better with my ex.

Alright I'm 24, my ex was 22. I already graduated college, got my job and all that and feel pretty settled for being 24. I started dating her while still in college, she graduated, got her job and I thought things were pretty settled. Fast forward about 5 months since that happened. She now decided she doesn't really like her career path. Alright cool, whatever. She decided she doesn't really like her apartment. Alright cool, whatever. She decided she's not sure if she wants to live in the USA anymore. Alright, issue. She decided she needed to connect with her 'feminist' roots more. Alright, whatever. All of this eventually boiled up into her having a breakdown at 22 and having no direction in life. She had a very solid direction. However, like all young people she wanted a drastic change in it. Never once in our relationship did she strike me as immature or indecisive but this shit just happens. That marked now my second relationship that failed simply because she wanted to change up her life way too much. I'm not saying this is 100% gold standard and all girls do this but do not give this girl more credit than she deserves. She is young, has a job but not really a career has a direction in life but not a clear course. I'm just saying tread carefully crazy woman hormones can happen to even then best of them. It seems older women tend to have more a clear focus in their lives.

Let me give you another possible viewpoint:

Sounds like she realised she's fucking 22 and not 32 and doesn't need to have her career and 'direction in life' mapped out for her at her age. Aka you sound like a boring fuck.

[Ravvenn]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

She is kind of a follower, sadly enough. The people she hung out with in the past (the last 2 years) have steered her in that direction, but since she has started hanging out with me, she has busted out a few pieces of her 'preppy' clothes.

She may go with me to my company Christmas Party in Dec. I told her she might be required to dress up some because of the people higher up.... but then I felt bad because I shouldnt have to tell someone to be something they arent. So I told her she could wear whatever she wanted, that i would be rpoud to have her with me no matter what. She said she would still dress up for me.

Anyways, she does prefer a mild Goth look, but she is far from Goth. I have already stated this a year ago.

I don't know why you'd feel bad and/or tell her she doesn't have to dress up.

This isn't a friends house where you gladly let her 'be herself' and hope for the best. It's a company party where people are expected to dress well like normal goddamn adults do. Being goth, emo, whatever is no excuse to exclude yourself (or your partner) from 'cleaning up' when the time calls for it. Don't worry about her feelings, it's simple; tell her it's a formal (or semi-formal) event so proper attire will be required. If you're not strapped, offer to buy the dress (which a lot of men do and a lot of women really enjoy).


Despite being a giant nerd, I love getting all dolled up for my honeys company Christmas party (which is very formal). I go out of my way to try and make him look good (by dressing and behaving like a lady). Go shopping with her, and throw out extra compliments when she tries on dresses. It might even encourage her to get out of that icky goth-like phase.

I always buy my party dress on Black Friday; Nordstrom, Bloomies and Macy's always have badass sales if you're ballsy enough to face the masses.

[Brad2770]

Yeah, we actually talked about it last night. I wish I would have taken a picture of her, she was actually wearing a nice button up shirt last night. I was floored and immediately complimented her on the shirt. Anyways, I told her I would buy her a dress. The company party is business casual, so its not too much, but I know the owner and a couple of his underlings will probably be wearing suits.

She was never against dressing up for the party. The main reason I posted that is because I used to be controlling. I felt bad because I was telling her what to do (if she went). I wanted to make it clear to her that she could choose anything she wanted to wear, but within reason of course.

[chu]

Originally Posted by Grooverider

Let me give you another possible viewpoint:

Sounds like she realised she's fucking 22 and not 32 and doesn't need to have her career and 'direction in life' mapped out for her at her age. Aka you sound like a boring fuck.

Bingo. You will have your entire life to be boring and plain; may as well live a little and find yourself. She had doubts about her life as many people do. Some have it at 20, some get it at 40.

You best hope yours doesn't come at 40.

[brekk]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

She was never against dressing up for the party. The main reason I posted that is because I used to be controlling. I felt bad because I was telling her what to do (if she went). I wanted to make it clear to her that she could choose anything she wanted to wear, but within reason of course.

Don't go from the one extreme of being overly controlling, to being spineless.

As Rav said, its not going to far to require a certain level of dressing up for an event you're inviting her to being hosted by your employer.

[McCheese]

For anyone interested, I wasn't (nor will I be) fired and deported. Sorry to disappoint.

After our lesson on Friday she invited me to go to a club with her and her girlfriend. So we hung out there for a while, dropped off her girlfriend, then went back to her apartment (where I had left my bags and books). She invited me to stay for a while so we drank tea and talked and listened to music (she's a music nut) until like 6am.

If it were a normal situation (i.e she wasn't my student) I'd have gone for a kiss before I left as everything seemed to point to it, but I figured I should play it safe. So before I left I just flat out asked her where we stood, and I got the "You're a great guy, but..." speech. She really likes me but she "just isn't looking for anyone right now". Friendzoned! The conversation was awkward as hell, especially considering our situation, but I'm glad we got it all straightened out. When I left I figured I'd leave the ball in her court and see if she wanted to keep our friendship going or not. I thought, maybe, I'd hear from her in a couple days. But she calls me Saturday evening and asks me to go hang out or see a movie. I was tired so I declined and we just chatted on the phone for a bit.

Anyway, despite her incredibly mixed signals, I plan on keeping our friendship intact. It's nice to have one more friend since I'm in a new place and it's a great opportunity for me to practice my Russian.

[Alcestis]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

The main reason I posted that is because I used to be controlling.

Don't look at it as a control issue, because it's not.

People operate best within guidelines - and you do her a favor by saying it's business-casual, formal, whatever. Good women like looking good for their men in public, and the idea of committing a fashion faux pas by not dressing appropriately at a business party of their gent's is a pretty bad one. Unless she's different from every woman on Earth, you're inadvertently putting stress on her by telling her to wear "what she wants" at a social function. No one likes to be overdressed or underdressed for a gathering, especially a girl who is (in essence) going as your arm-candy. Look at it this way. If she's a "follower" like you say she is, and since it's obvious she's bent on pleasing you from other stories, doesn't it also follow that your desire to have her dress up (even outright telling her what to wear) will easily trump whatever goth rebel emo individuality she might have?

Like brekk said, don't recoil so far from your previous self that you launch right into the other equally terrible extreme.

[Brad2770]

I appreciate the advice and you guys are probably right (seeing as I am more wrong than right). I am just trying to stay clear of being like I used to be.

Once Dec. comes and we make arrangements for someone to take care of her girls, I will take her to buy a dress and I will offer firm suggestions as for what she should wear. I need to buy a new shirt anyways, so maybe find something that matches.

[Tarrant220]

Last night I fell asleep and around 1am I get a text from Michele, just a pic of her smiling saying "HI FROM ME!"

She was having a rough time with a friend who was going through a hard tiem and lives far away with not being able to help her, we talked for about half an hour before she said "I'm about to watch a scary movie, I wish you were here"

I thought about it and told her I could come over, she told me she wanted me there, so off I went.

I got there, we joked around a bit took a few shots and well...the deal was sealed so to speak. I stayed the night and chilled there till I had to work this afternoon...which means I totally missed out on wiffleball...but seriously...come on it was no contest.

She wanted me to call in sick to work today lol.

We talked about relationship stuff this morning, both agreed it was still to early to talk about anything exclusive even through nether of us is seeing anyone else. (I began to distance myself yesterday from the others I was seeing) We still have tomorrows date for my birthday, I think another week and it'll be all wrapped up so to speak.

Life...it be good.

[Brad2770]

Post the mother fucking tits man....

[Tarrant220]

haha, maybe when I get a shot of em I will

[Brad2770]

Whats it like tagging the hottest ass you have hit?

[Tarrant220]

When I was a kid I remembering opening up my last gift under the tree and it turned out to be a Sega Genesis with Tecmo Super Bowl....yeah...it was better then that.