The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

[kegkilla]

Originally Posted by Antarius

Ok, so posting for advice...

Ok, so last week I was a virgin... a 27 y/o virgin....
I started trying out online dating, and I kept hearing advice to "lower my standards" over and over and over...

Well, lower my standards I did... I talked to this girl a couple hours on the phone she plays WoW, then we met up in person, within an hour we were having sex.

The problems: She's morbidly obese, I'd guess 150 pounds heavier than I am despite being 3 inches shorter. She has a kid from a previous marriage, she is on a metric fuckton of medications because evidently she is crazy (was hospitalized after wanting to kill her kid or something).

Ok, so now what do I do, I've known her for about a week and a half now. The problem is: She told me on the 2nd day that she loved me.... I don't really love her back, nor do I even really want to keep dating her... but then again, sex with her WAS better than beating off...

Advice?

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[Eomer]

Originally Posted by Antarius

Ok, so posting for advice...

Ok, so last week I was a virgin... a 27 y/o virgin....
I started trying out online dating, and I kept hearing advice to "lower my standards" over and over and over...

Well, lower my standards I did... I talked to this girl a couple hours on the phone she plays WoW, then we met up in person, within an hour we were having sex.

The problems: She's morbidly obese, I'd guess 150 pounds heavier than I am despite being 3 inches shorter. She has a kid from a previous marriage, she is on a metric fuckton of medications because evidently she is crazy (was hospitalized after wanting to kill her kid or something).

Ok, so now what do I do, I've known her for about a week and a half now. The problem is: She told me on the 2nd day that she loved me.... I don't really love her back, nor do I even really want to keep dating her... but then again, sex with her WAS better than beating off...

Advice?

This could turn it around for Arbitrary!

Originally Posted by Dabamf

But again, what you paid is irrelevant. It's the value, and only that, that matters.

Haha, so I guess as usual the board is united in their disapproval. Ah well, we shall see how it goes tonight. I ended up not calling her last night, went out for some beers with some buds unexpectedly and more or less forgot. When I did remember, it was almost midnight, so I sent her a text saying I'd gone out for beers, that I'd call her tomorrow and to let me know if any particular time works. I was careful not to say the sorry word, which tends to come so naturally ("oh hey sorry, but..."), I just stated why and said I'd call her tomorrow. She texted back this morning saying no worries and to call after 11.

This whole thing is off to a great start!

[Lusiphur]

Originally Posted by Eomer

This could turn it around for Arbitrary!



Haha, so I guess as usual the board is united in their disapproval. Ah well, we shall see how it goes tonight. I ended up not calling her last night, went out for some beers with some buds unexpectedly and more or less forgot. When I did remember, it was almost midnight, so I sent her a text saying I'd gone out for beers, that I'd call her tomorrow and to let me know if any particular time works. I was careful not to say the sorry word, which tends to come so naturally ("oh hey sorry, but..."), I just stated why and said I'd call her tomorrow. She texted back this morning saying no worries and to call after 11.

This whole thing is off to a great start!

Stop overanalysing this shit bud. Seriously

Just say its a ticket you had free and you were going anyways. Let her reach her own conclusions.

[Brad2770]

Not much detail into the trip to the "The Rapist", but I wanted to say that I seem to be answering a lot of my own questions.

Anyways, for the most part, I have been leaving my ex alone. It has been over 2 weeks since I have seen her and I have only talked to her a couple of times (through text) since then.

I see where therapy comes in and how it can help, but it still hasnt soothed what I feel like I am losing. I still do not feel like I am losing a cheating bitch that is not worth my time. I feel like I am losing my family. I have seen my son 3 times in the last 2 weeks (partially because of the new arrangements and partially because of work- My new assistant already got fired... heh). My biggest thing I am noticing is that I am actually starting to think before I act. So, if this stuff doesnt help me get over the past, maybe it will at least help me better handle the future.

I am actually anxious to go back. I feel like I learned a lot during my session (and some of it seems like common sense). I am curious as to what more might be discussed.


I work alone. I spend a majority of my days alone. There are times that I can go 4 or 5 days without seeing anyone. I might talk to a person or two on the phone, but my human interaction is very limited.

I feel very alone. I know that is a big portion of my problems. I havent talked about that yet, but things that were said during my session made me start thinking about other things in my life besides my ex.

[Whyme]

Originally Posted by Antarius

Stuff

Well, first off, I would take the consensus advice of not ever speaking to this chick again. Any girl (or guy for that matter) that professes her love to you after 2 dates is seriously fucked in the head - she is trying to tie you down ASAP. I'd also quit the online dating scene; that climate is not particularly favorable to your current situation.

Honestly it sounds to me like the problem is not so much your personality or your looks but the fact that you have neglected to put yourself in the right position to meet and find girls. I don't mean you should become a bar rat, or one of those creeps at the book store... My advice to you is to take up some type of activity - Yoga classes, dance lessons, even running in the park (if you own a dog even better). All of those activities will 1) enrich your life 2) get you fitter and 3) put you in great positions to meet women. Dancing is my personal favorite.

Now once you've put yourself in favorable positions, you need to work on actually approaching and talking to women. I would make it a point of striking up a conversation with every girl you meet. Your goal should be to try and make her laugh in the first 20-30 seconds. Nothing really has to come of the conversation - just make them laugh and move on. Over time your confidence will get higher and you will never again have to stoop to wildebeest status girls for sex (and I've been there, I know the feeling).

[Rathmort]

Brad: Good to hear it. Keep it going, especiall the part about thinking before you act. Bear in mind though, it will help you to sort things out in your head, but its not going to make everything magically wonderful by itself. Great to see you're finally starting to actually *think* about things, keep posting after your sessions.

[Brad2770]

Mystery method doesnt have shit on this guy after being told the woman has a boyfriend:

[Tarrant220]

Well me and the ex are just that....ex's. She decided for now she wants to pursue shit with this other guy, shes goin out to bang em this weekend.

Whatever at least I can say I tried and I came out a better person from it all. Yeah it sucks but -meh-

Started talking to a girl on OKCupid last night, exchanged a few messages her first comment was how much out profiles were alike so that's cool I suppose.

So I get to start over from square one and am now realize I live in a city where I don't know anyone and have no family...all my friends were me ex's friends it seems and migrated back to her after our breakup. Fuck em I guess.

Been talking to a girl from back home too, she's pretty cool, she calls me every day just about, I'm not for long distance shit but can't say I would be opposed to something if an ideal arrangement was worked out.

Like i said before, time to start over from square one. I'm getting told old for this shit.

[Alcestis]

Originally Posted by Antarius

Advice?

You just took my Worf virginity.

I cried, yes. But they were happy tears.




{edit}: It took me this long to realize... I love you.

[Dabamf]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

Not much detail into the trip to the "The Rapist", but I wanted to say that I seem to be answering a lot of my own questions.

Anyways, for the most part, I have been leaving my ex alone. It has been over 2 weeks since I have seen her and I have only talked to her a couple of times (through text) since then.

I see where therapy comes in and how it can help, but it still hasnt soothed what I feel like I am losing. I still do not feel like I am losing a cheating bitch that is not worth my time. I feel like I am losing my family. I have seen my son 3 times in the last 2 weeks (partially because of the new arrangements and partially because of work- My new assistant already got fired... heh). My biggest thing I am noticing is that I am actually starting to think before I act. So, if this stuff doesnt help me get over the past, maybe it will at least help me better handle the future.

I am actually anxious to go back. I feel like I learned a lot during my session (and some of it seems like common sense). I am curious as to what more might be discussed.


I work alone. I spend a majority of my days alone. There are times that I can go 4 or 5 days without seeing anyone. I might talk to a person or two on the phone, but my human interaction is very limited.

I feel very alone. I know that is a big portion of my problems. I havent talked about that yet, but things that were said during my session made me start thinking about other things in my life besides my ex.

I'm legitimately happy to read this post. Sometimes when you do some stupid shit and realize the error of your ways it causes you to withdrawal if you're a certain type of personality. I do it, haven't really been excessively social (except for when I force myself in order to avoid being a hermit) for over a month after I had sex with that american girl disaster. More calm, more boring, but not necessarily bad as long as you don't let it perpetuate for too long and turn into long term withdrawal or depression.

Anyway, good luck.

[Brad2770]

Originally Posted by Dabamf

I'm legitimately happy to read this post. Sometimes when you do some stupid shit and realize the error of your ways it causes you to withdrawal if you're a certain type of personality. I do it, haven't really been excessively social (except for when I force myself in order to avoid being a hermit) for over a month after I had sex with that american girl disaster. More calm, more boring, but not necessarily bad as long as you don't let it perpetuate for too long and turn into long term withdrawal or depression.

Anyway, good luck.

The thing is, when things are going good in my life, I dont really like working with others. I enjoy being by myself. But at this point in my life, I would love having the chance to work with others, but not enough for me to change my career.

[Brad2770]

Originally Posted by Tarrant220

Like i said before, time to start over from square one. I'm getting told old for this shit.

I have said that before. And its probably one of the things that discourages me from actually even trying.

[Tarrant220]

Well I'm not discouraged so much, a bit down that things didn't manage to work out but I'm okay with starting over...and I'm not THAT old...I turn 29 this November....just at the moment I'm coming off feeling beaten up and slapped around emotionally so I feel kinda worn out from it all....it went on for two months, it's at an end, dust is settling, time to move on.

Like you I don't have a lot of interaction with others, I'm going to try and change that though, a place near me does swing dance lessons for singles gonna give that a shot I think. I just feel weird about it I guess, I've never really went out by myself to go meet a bunch of strangers.

It's hard even for me and I'm about as social as they come, those that do know me can't believe I have a hard time meeting people....-shrugs- but I do, I dunno what it is really.

[Lusiphur]

Brad, just wanted to echo the 'good on you man' comments. We all gave you shit and you upped and proved us wrong. I have to respect that, hardest thing in the world to do sometimes is to admit we aren't on the right path and try to change things.

Tarrant, sucks to hear that, especially after how you changed. Look at it this way mate, you can take all that positive stuff and use it to impress the panties off some hottie you would never have thought you had the chops to pull. Don't lose your foward momentum because it didn't work out. You tried, that's all we can ever do.

[Tarrant220]

Thanks Lus, I didn't change just to make things work with her, granted she was what opened my eyes to the need to do so, but it was for me too. I like who I am now for the most part.

My ex as it turns out...is semi retarded it seems. As I started before my friend went through with her plan to see if the guy she was int interested in would cheat on her. Come to find out, he was planning on it, the info was a given to my ex and she was upset about it for a day and now she's back to being totally in love with the guy. Whatever they deserve each other, yea it hurts but fuck it.

The girl I talked to a bit last night seemed pretty cute from her pics in her profile, a few steps up from what I personally thought I'd be able to get a response from so that's a plus. She smokes so that sucks ass....but whatever. Not even sure if it'll go beyond a couple of message exchanges but we'll see.

Like I said, I just need to get myself out there, just having a hard time doing so, it seems daunting I guess and I'm not really sure where to begin...the thought of trying makes me feel awkward I guess...not sure if I can really explain it properly or not.