The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

[chu]

Originally Posted by Pasteton

what's so hard openly accepting my faults and still being happy about who i am?

because no one wants to be spending time with someone who's saying shit like :

1) I'm fat
2) god I'm depressed
3) I really think i'm ugly

or whatever it is that you're saying.

[Heavens_Myst]

Then the dumb fuckers should say that instead of saying they don't like a lack of confidence when they don't even know what the meaning of the word is.

[Dabamf]

Wait there are people that don't have ark on ignore? The guy does nothing but make posts about how cool he is...on the internet. I'm actually embarrassed for him.

[chu]

Originally Posted by Heavens_Myst

Then the dumb fuckers should say that instead of saying they don't like a lack of confidence when they don't even know what the meaning of the word is.

I think I know exactly the problem with Pasteton, because an exGF of one of my friends was like that. I'll tell you right now that the attitude is absolutely unbearable. People that are openly down on themselves are just a bore to be around. We all have faults; we get it. There's no reason to ruin the mood and bring them up over and over again.

Nothing needs to be said imo; insecurity is a very unattractive quality. It should go without saying.

[Pasteton]

Originally Posted by chu

because no one wants to be spending time with someone who's saying shit like :

1) I'm fat
2) god I'm depressed
3) I really think i'm ugly

or whatever it is that you're saying.

haha wow you're taking what i said waaaay over the top.

When i said that i meant i'd say something like 'yea he's definitely got a better mind for business than me' or 'your dad sounded upset about something'; and then her typical response 'don't say that, you are bringing me down' Actually most of the time it's not even me knocking myself specifically, it's just any unpleasant topic that's taboo to her.

but it sounds like you're adding hyperbole to my whine because this whole topic is getting boring thx @ dabamf and alcestis for useful comments anyways.

[Heavens_Myst]

the irony is that it sounds like the people suffering from a lack of confidence are actually the ones who would complain about that kind of shit.

[Dabamf]

Originally Posted by Pasteton

When i said that i meant i'd say something like 'yea he's definitely got a better mind for business than me' or 'your dad sounded upset about something';

The first comment, what is the context? If you were not directly in the content of the conversation, comparing "he" to you makes no sense and is weird. For example, if the conversation went something like "blah blah blah now his business is really successful blah blah blah" and you say "yea, he's definitely got a better mind for business than me" that's just a weird thing to say because you are not at all in the conversation. You are bringing a comparison into the topic that was never made and doesn't belong. Really that comment only makes sense to say if the conversation directly involved yourself in the content. In any other context it sounds weird.

Don't compare people to you in a conversation unless you are brought up in the conversation, i.e. unless someone else makes the comparison first. Otherwise why not simply say "yea, he's got a good mind for business." Comparing yourself to other people when no comparison is warranted or asked for is a weird thing to do and a red flag for a lack of confidence.

The girl being weird about questions like "your dad seemed upset" could be just because she likes to avoid reality and live in a fairytale where everything's perfect, but also could be because she's tired in general of negativity from you and doesn't wanna hear any more whether its warranted or not. I think it's impossible to tell.

tl;dr: Give general compliments instead of making comparisons to yourself. "He's smart" is good, "he's smarter than me" is not.

and lol @ ark's neg comment, you're trying to hard

[Brad2770]

Ok, I saw a therapist 2 nights ago. I debated posting here, but I figured I would at least give a follow up.

The visit wasnt bad and I never thought it would be (just not sure it would work). She let me sit where I wanted and said I could talk about what was on my mind, even if it was a recent movie i had seen or a song i had heard. I pretty much got down to business.

It was actually nice talking about what has happened to me and the feelings that I still have without someone throwing in "You need to forget her" or some BS line like that. She asked how certain things made me feel and I found myself either answering 'Mad' or 'I dont really know'.

She didnt really say a lot. I actually got this first visit for free, so maybe thats why she didnt, but she told me one thing:

1) That I didnt need to move on from my ex, but to move on with my life. That I could still love my ex, be there for her and be her friend, but without it hurting me.

She then started asking me what kinds of things I like to do and what music I like. She asked what I like to do with my son and basically chatted up the last 10 or 15 minutes. Not real sure, the time went so fast.

I really felt like I left a lot out. I tried to cram in 2 1/2 years of emotion and pain, but I know I didnt even scratch the surface.

EDIT** I feel really dumb posting this here now. Like I am weak or unable to handle things myself. I dont regret going, but I feel like I am less of a person because I did go. It makes me uncomfortable and I dont even know you people.

[Dabamf]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

I saw a therapist.

.

[Animale]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

Ok, I saw a therapist 2 nights ago.

Good for you. Sounds like a keeper therapist as well for the next few visits - remember if you aren't comfortable with this one that there are others out there that are better. Therapy works, and the cost is worth it.

[arkk123]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

Ok, I saw a therapist 2 nights ago.

She's trying to establish a connection and build trust.

Honestly, the last thing you should do is search for internet therapy by posting here. If you are going to a therapist, go, and keep it to yourself. Stay away from the arm chair shrinks(Etoille and so on)... actually try to get something out of therapy. You don't need people second guessing everything a trained professional told you.

[Rathmort]

You need to get the idea out of your head that asking for help makes you less of a man. It's infinitely better to ask for some help and get control of things than to carry on not doing a great job. Applies to life in general just as much as to operating machinery, playing MMOs, or whatever. Asking for some help and then doing a good job is so much better than just sailing along on the failboat, too scared to to seek help.

[Incognitogamer]

Originally Posted by Rathmort

Asking for some help and then doing a good job is so much better than just sailing along on the failboat, too scared to to seek help.

Seconded. The stupidest question of all is the one you didn't ask. Just go man, it can't hurt, as long as you feel you're getting your money's worth.

[lost]

Therapist sounds like a good move, I like that she said you dont have to get over her, just move on with your life, I mean isnt that kind of what we do anyway? Find someone new to forget the old? You ever see that old I'm sure some feeling will still be there.

[Tenks]

I am reading "therapist" every time as "the rapist" fucking SNL