The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

[Alcestis]

Originally Posted by Pasteton

While it bothers me to upset her, it bothers me even more to just be ok with her ignoring things about me just to be satisfied with me.

If I told you that I could predict, with 100% certainty, what day and year you would die, would you want to know? Some people say yes, other people say no. The answer doesn't change that day and year one bit. Some just want it to remain hidden, for whatever reason. Same goes for not wanting to hear their significant other's faults. Doesn't change that they don't have them; they just don't want to know. It doesn't make them wrong. It doesn't make them right. It doesn't make them want "everything to be perfect", which is, frankly, an ignorant as hell accusation. You can be happy with yourself, faults and all, but if you insist on dating girls who believe this then you have to acknowledge that YOU need to be more tolerant of THEIR faults and THEIR beliefs. Namely, "waaahhhh, why the fuck can't I talk about what I don't like about myself with you?" Seriously, let me turn that question around. What's so hard about accepting your faults and being happy about who you are... and shutting up about it, if you know it causes the person you like distress? It sounds to me like you have a whole lot of introspection to do yourself, before you start playing the "woe is the nice guy" card.

i do point out stuff i dont like about her, though i try to do it in a way thats funny/sarcastic etc rather than in-your-face.

No. From this very statement you've just told me that I have you pegged exactly as what you are. You're probably not funny/sarcastic when pointing out faults with yourself, but you "try" to do it with her and others to spare their feelings. After all, you're a tough guy who's happy with who he is and doesn't need to spare his own feelings, but you'd try to spare hers. That double-standard is glaringly obvious, and I'm not even dating you. No wonder it comes off as a confidence issue.

[lost]

Originally Posted by Pasteton

But see this is exactly my point of frustration. I enjoy putting 'stuff in' so to speak and i'm not really looking to get something back, to me this would just seem so..mechanical? As an example that same g/f, I'd get excited if I came up with something I think she'd like, not necessarily a gift but some activity or event that she'd enjoy, or a gay poem or whatever. I looked forward to making her happy, etc, but not to get anything back, it's just natural I think to feel good by making others feel good, or something like that? But I totally can see how to the girl or someone on the outside looking in, it comes across as me being desperate. Honestly I don't know exactly what i'd want 'back' anyhow; if basically getting something back is sex, then no, that's not it for me, if i wanted sex that bad i'm only a few hundred dollars away from a highclass hooker. Do I want her approval? that's probably what she thinks, but personally I don't even think it's about that - I do it more because I enjoy it myself. Hell I know i get a bigger kick out of doing things/giving things than she does receiving them, and i'm fine with that. If she doesnt like something i do then sure i'd be disappointed, but that would be true for anyone; i recently got a friend a shitty bday gift and felt terrible afterwards.

I just don't think much about what my expectations are, or what i 'want' from someone else. As a person I'm just much more focused on what i can 'do' for others, and what others want. This applies to interpersonal relationships in general for me, not just g/f's. I'm not trying to praise myself at all; it's just how I am, yet somehow I feel like i'm being punished because of it, or that my g/f's dont respect me because of it.

I feel like I'm forcing myself to be mean or selfish simply because I don't want to look like a tool to her, even though apparently being a tool is what comes naturally to me. Most guys are doormats because somewhere inside of them is some lingering hope that if they hang on enough the girl will suddenly 'see the light' and fall for them (the 'This could turn it around for vanguard' personality type). But I'm just a doormat to the core; without a purpose, rhyme or reason.

Hey man, you're not alone. It is the way you should treat someone, granted you get it back. I always find myself happy just to make my girlfriend happy (well x now) but just to get that smile out of her would make my day, thats all i needed, but it is true. I think passively you except that person to do the same for you so you'er not worried about doing things for them and whether they return it or not cause you're past that and you trust them.. its when you lose sight of that and keep doing it is when you're fucked and should stop.

[Pasteton]

Originally Posted by Alcestis

If I told you that I could predict, with 100% certainty, what day and year you would die, would you want to know? Some people say yes, other people say no. The answer doesn't change that day and year one bit. Some just want it to remain hidden, for whatever reason. Same goes for not wanting to hear their significant other's faults. Doesn't change that they don't have them; they just don't want to know. It doesn't make them wrong. It doesn't make them right. It doesn't make them want "everything to be perfect", which is, frankly, an ignorant as hell accusation. You can be happy with yourself, faults and all, but if you insist on dating girls who believe this then you have to acknowledge that YOU need to be more tolerant of THEIR faults and THEIR beliefs. Namely, "waaahhhh, why the fuck can't I talk about what I don't like about myself with you?" Seriously, let me turn that question around. What's so hard about accepting your faults and being happy about who you are... and shutting up about it, if you know it causes the person you like distress? It sounds to me like you have a whole lot of introspection to do yourself, before you start playing the "woe is the nice guy" card.

No. From this very statement you've just told me that I have you pegged exactly as what you are. You're probably not funny/sarcastic when pointing out faults with yourself, but you "try" to do it with her and others to spare their feelings. After all, you're a tough guy who's happy with who he is and doesn't need to spare his own feelings, but you'd try to spare hers. That double-standard is glaringly obvious, and I'm not even dating you. No wonder it comes off as a confidence issue.

i guess this is where i cant agree. call it lack of confidence, or insecurity or whatever you want. I just wont accept that its ok for someone to not know their significant other's faults. To me its an important part of someone, and something someone needs to acknowledge and accept. For me, it DOES make them wrong to not be able to accept it. I may be happy with who i am yes, but i also think my significant other should be as well. If it causes distress to think about my flaws, then i shouldnt be with that person, is how i see it. I just like tothink that maybe she can come around and do become accepting of or appreciative of me, flaws and all. If not then I'd rather not be in a relationship where the other person has to fool themself in order to be with me.

Yea you're right im definitely more direct with my own flaws than hers. I don't think this is an isolated behavior. Generally girls are more sensitive than guys; she would never be able to handle me saying things about her the way i speak about myself. If this comes across as a confidence issue, i'm not sure what to do about it; i'm pretty sure if i was just blunt with her, i'd just make her cry all the time.

[Tarrant220]

If you know they are faults and flaws, and acknowledge them as this...why not work on them and fix them instead of just saying, "this is what's wrong with me, accept it."

Well have them, but just living with them isn't good by any stretch,

[Pasteton]

Originally Posted by Tarrant220

If you know they are faults and flaws, and acknowledge them as this...why not work on them and fix them instead of just saying, "this is what's wrong with me, accept it."

Well have them, but just living with them isn't good by any stretch,

not to digress, but that goes without saying. my point wasnt that i was shoving my flaws down her throat..more like, it's ok to talk about the 'unpleasant' things in life, whether it be to acknowledge/accept them, to improve them, or whatever else. The dialogue itself should not be anathema in my opinion. i should have clarified that when i said 'accept'.

[Dabamf]

Originally Posted by Pasteton

(And referencing all past posts)

you're kinda getting now to what i despise about chicks in general, and my g/f in particular. what's so hard openly accepting my faults and still being happy about who i am? I think a person's flaws are just as important a part of who they are as their strengths, maybe she realizes that deep down but the inability to lay stuff out in the open with her pisses me off. While it bothers me to upset her, it bothers me even more to just be ok with her ignoring things about me just to be satisfied with me. i hate how everything needs to be perfect in a chick's world. i could start a whole nother rant about how my g/f is like that but don't wanna get too personal or sidetrack.

oh and you have me pegged incorrectly. i do point out stuff i dont like about her, though i try to do it in a way thats funny/sarcastic etc rather than in-your-face. i do it with others and it works fine, but with her sometimes she does get hurt, which makes it even harder for me because i hate bullshitting about stuff.

First off, I don't think being a "giver" is a natural state. Human beings are, by nature, traders, as are all creatures. When you evaluate a girl as a potential interest, you are weighing her goods and faults against your own. It's been shown in studies that people naturally seek out those whom have similar worth or value, whether they can consciously define what that is or not. Do you date trailer park girls, or 300lb whales? Probably not, so you are seeking some sort of value from them.

I've flat out never met anyone who was a "giver" who I didn't discover had either confidence issues or self-esteem issues. And I've also never met anyone who just enjoyed giving. They ALWAYS want something in return, usually just affection or friendship, and usually unbeknownst to them consciously. Many hide behind the guise of "I'm just a giver" because are afraid to admit that they want something, because when they don't get it it saves them from disappointment. If someone doesn't give you the joyous greeting or thanks when you get them a gift, you can say "oh its ok I just like to give, I don't need thanks." It's an ego-preservation mechanism. It takes balls to have expectations for how someone acts towards you, because when they don't act how you want or don't act respectful towards you, it's an ego hit.

Anyway...I also have a tendency to point out my faults pretty readilly. I was proud to be honest with myself in a world where most people are in denial about their traits, but I eventually traced that tendency to make it public to a lack of confidence. You can be aware of it without dwelling on it. If you make a mistake and immediately trace it back to a fault of yours, that's a confidence issue. Why can't you just make a mistake, why does it have to be some character flaw? It shows how you think of yourself, that you think you are less than ideal. It's not just how girls will perceive it; you actually DO lack confidence whether you admit it to yourself or not. Usually only girls notice it because they have an amazing radar for that sort of thing. And making a point to speak of your faults instead of quietly working to fix them is an insecurity. I know because I do it. I want people to be aware of my faults from *me* because then they themselves can't think them about me. It disarms the criticism. And I'll say with 95% confidence that you do it for the same purpose.

I would actually take people's, girls especially, reaction to you as the most accurate evaluation of your true level of confidence. Instead of dismissing it as "oh people just don't understand me," "people are weird," etc, etc, how about thinking "what truth do these people see in me that I can't see in myself?"

[Pasteton]

Originally Posted by Dabamf

First off, I don't think being a "giver" is a natural state. Human beings are, by nature, traders, as are all creatures. When you evaluate a girl as a potential interest, you are weighing her goods and faults against your own. It's been shown in studies that people naturally seek out those whom have similar worth or value, whether they can consciously define what that is or not. Do you date trailer park girls, or 300lb whales? Probably not, so you are seeking some sort of value from them.

I've flat out never met anyone who was a "giver" who I didn't discover had either confidence issues or self-esteem issues. And I've also never met anyone who just enjoyed giving. They ALWAYS want something in return, usually just affection or friendship, and usually unbeknownst to them consciously. Many hide behind the guise of "I'm just a giver" because are afraid to admit that they want something, because when they don't get it it saves them from disappointment. If someone doesn't give you the joyous greeting or thanks when you get them a gift, you can say "oh its ok I just like to give, I don't need thanks." It's an ego-preservation mechanism. It takes balls to have expectations for how someone acts towards you, because when they don't act how you want or don't act respectful towards you, it's an ego hit.

Anyway...I also have a tendency to point out my faults pretty readilly. I was proud to be honest with myself in a world where most people are in denial about their traits, but I eventually traced that tendency to make it public to a lack of confidence. You can be aware of it without dwelling on it. If you make a mistake and immediately trace it back to a fault of yours, that's a confidence issue. Why can't you just make a mistake, why does it have to be some character flaw? It shows how you think of yourself, that you think you are less than ideal. It's not just how girls will perceive it; you actually DO lack confidence whether you admit it to yourself or not. Usually only girls notice it because they have an amazing radar for that sort of thing. And making a point to speak of your faults instead of quietly working to fix them is an insecurity. I know because I do it. I want people to be aware of my faults from *me* because then they themselves can't think them about me. It disarms the criticism. And I'll say with 95% confidence that you do it for the same purpose.

I would actually take people's, girls especially, reaction to you as the most accurate evaluation of your true level of confidence. Instead of dismissing it as "oh people just don't understand me," "people are weird," etc, etc, how about thinking "what truth do these people see in me that I can't see in myself?"

ok fair enough, there's a lot of truth to what you said about me there. but i've tackled this topic before with friends, re: how do you actualy get 'more' confident? i've actually found in the past i'd get more worked up trying to figure out how to 'be' more confident that it was a lot less stressful to not worry about it and just act how i naturally act. Trying to become 'confident' and being aware of the fact that i wasn't was just another point of insecurity for me, which seemed silly, so i stopped dwelling on it.

[Dabamf]

Fake it till you make it. It works.

[Tyen]

Redhead and I have been talking to eachother very rarely during the week and hang out on the weekends. Next step is to meet more womens and fill up the rest of the week.

After you have the perfect schedule to fit your needs, you stick to it and replace the ones that you lose interest in or they lose interest in you.

Thats how you play the game.

[arkk123]

This thread is like the amputee league of getting laid and meeting girls.

[Eomer]

You're so awesome man. I wish I could be as cool as you.

[Tyen]

Originally Posted by Arkk123

Why do people bother giving negative internets or whatever. I don't even know how to read them. Most pointless system ever. Just PM me it'll be more interesting.

Edit: keep doing it maybe I can reach 500

I unsubscribed to your newsletter at this post.

[Alcestis]

Originally Posted by arkk1233's retaliatory PM

I willlll smack u, don't think I won't. Don't fuck with
my threads. From now on any thread i've posted in at least once is mine. Ok go!

.

[arkk123]

That baby is really cute!

[brekk]

that baby is possessed