The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

[chu]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

Why, because I am trying to take advice and use it? Fuck off.

I NEVER played these games when I was younger. I didnt date as a teenager, got into my first relationship with my ex and got married at 24. I was married until I was 30.

That's pretty much your problem. You have no idea how to interact with women and somewhat with people in general.

[Brad2770]

Ok, some quick background on my mom (what i know).

My sister actually knows more of what happened to my mom than I know and she is 10 years younger than me. I am pretty naive to shit within my family. But being that way has also kept me pretty close with all of them. My family doesnt get a long too well, especially my mom.

Anyways, my mom was raped when she was 16. Maybe that is the start of her issues. I dont know, but she got pregnant in high school with me when she was 17 and has been married 3 times and divorced twice.

Over the last 10 years, she has seen several shrinks. She has been up and down. She used to take meds, then stopped. Then another shrink would come along and give her different meds. She would get better, then worse. Then better again. So on. Always up and down.

She hasnt seen a shrink in about 4 years. She stays holed up in her room, NEVER leaves the house. She has an EXCUSE for everything and hasnt talked to me in almost a year because she owes me money and refuses to pay because she doesnt think she should pay me. Her and my dad dont sleep in the same room anymore and hardly see each other because she is so detached. All she does is play MMO's all day.

I have a seen a strong woman, that I feel raised me pretty damned well, deteriorate into a lifeless zombie. Shrinks did nothing for her. And I never even knew anything was really wrong with her until recently.

Youre asking me to have faith in something I havent seen work. Its not an excuse. I dont want someone to give me meds. I dont think I am sick. I dont want to change based on meds. And I am afraid a shrink will want me to take them.

Honestly, I am kind of scared, because I really like who I am and what I am capable of. My loss of my family is what tears at me the most and is really the only thing I feel is wrong with me.

I dont know how to explain my opinion on shrinks any better. I know what my friend has said. It has, for the most part, helped him, but it doesnt change the fact he still cries or has minor outbursts because of the loss of his dad. But he didnt have to take meds. I am afraid they may tell me I need them. I do have a lot of emotionally outbursts, mostly temper related. I say shit evil and mean one minute and in the same breath, say I am sorry and show affection.

[Tenks]

This thread is getting freaking strange and it wasn't exactly a normal thread to begin with

[Soygen]

Ugh. I had God on ignore all this time?!

[Campari]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

I dont know how to explain my opinion on shrinks any better. I know what my friend has said. It has, for the most part, helped him, but it doesnt change the fact he still cries or has minor outbursts because of the loss of his dad. But he didnt have to take meds. I am afraid they may tell me I need them. I do have a lot of emotionally outbursts, mostly temper related. I say shit evil and mean one minute and in the same breath, say I am sorry and show affection.

Psychiatrists can't force you to take medicine. If that's the only solution that they are offering you then just decline and walk away. Regardless, if that's your concern you could just see a psychologist as opposed to a psychiatrist and not have to worry about them trying to prescribe you anything because they aren't licensed to do so.

[Heylel Teomim]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

The more I think about having to go to a fucking shrink, the angrier I get because I really do think its a fucking waste.

It's not. I saw one when I was in college. I was having an absolutely miserable time not connecting to anyone and blamed myself for where I was. I had a shitty dorm roommate who sat around jerking off and playing DDR with a gamepad on his PC who I swear to god might have had genuine ass burgers. I had no access to my car, my old friends were an hour drive away, and I just generally hated life. So, I finally did some research, found out I could get school to provide free counseling and went. It ended up helping a lot. I spent two more years finishing my first degree at the same school, went back later for a master's and I work there now.

In the intervening years, I've come to realize my father's side of the family has severe problems with depression no one ever told me about, and I thought they were the sane ones. My uncle had been on meds for years, and I've recently come to find out my dad's pretty much a lunatic as he's melted down during his divorce from my mom. Stalking, erratic behavior, sleeping around, a suicide attempt... the works. It wasn't just me, even though I had a hand to play in how I acted towards others that tended to make them stay at arm's length. Beyond not knowing how to handle my shit, I had a genetic deficit working against me too. It's not anyone's fault, shit just happens.

I haven't seen a shrink in years, but I've seriously thought about going back to get some help dealing with all the family drama I've had to undergo during the last year. It's been a very, very hard year. Were I the man I was in college, I'd have imploded long ago. The only thing really stopping me is a full schedule, bills to pay, and a puppy I adore who gets all my spare attention.

Go see someone, and have an open mind when you do. Your mom probably never actually wanted it to help. Chances are she's just like my dad: she wanted someone to make her feel justified, and when they get to the hard stuff she switched off.

[Dabamf]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

Youre asking me to have faith in something I havent seen work. Its not an excuse. I dont want someone to give me meds. I dont think I am sick. I dont want to change based on meds. And I am afraid a shrink will want me to take them.

The only "faith" in this thread is YOUR faith that it WON'T work. All anyone is saying is TRY IT. And you are putting up so much of a fight against trying something once. My mistake, you have a sample size of 1. Honestly, I don't think counseling will help you, because I don't think you are interested in taking any steps to improve your life, I think you just want to feel better about how it is. And psychologists can't help you with that. You know the changing a lightbulb joke, well it's true. I think the real reason you are posting in this thread is for sympathy, not advice. That way you have someone to blame when you fail.

And anyway, you can decline meds. See a clinical psychologist, NOT a psychiatrist. Clinical psychologists (a)generally are not authorized to prescribe meds and (b) are trained more in actual counseling techniques.

But, you are right. Your mom isn't magically cured from a major life trauma, and because she wasn't cured, one person, the entire field is useless. If that isn't a rationalization I don't know what is.

[brekk]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

Anyways, my mom was raped when she was 16. Maybe that is the start of her issues.

Nawwwww, ya think?!

[Foggy]

Originally Posted by Dabamf

And anyway, you can decline meds. See a clinical psychologist, NOT a psychiatrist. Clinical psychologists (a)generally are not authorized to prescribe meds and (b) are trained more in actual counseling techniques.

But, you are right. Your mom isn't magically cured from a major life trauma, and because she wasn't cured, one person, the entire field is useless. If that isn't a rationalization I don't know what is.

^This. A psychologist is usually a better starting point anyways, especially with your reservations about psychiatrists. Psychologists are typically very relaxed and you just talk, they are mainly a form of support but they are a trained professional instead of some random joe. If they think you need more serious help they will recommend a psychiatrist to you. And if you do go to a psychiatrist and they are practically writing you meds the moment you sit down just walk out, they don't know what they are doing. Meds should be a last resort, not a quick fix.

And ya, sometimes people just, for whatever reason, aren't capable of recovering from a traumatic event. Dealing with a mind is an inexact science, to say the least.

[Tyen]

=(

[Brad2770]

To Dabamf:

I am not looking for someone to blame. I am man enough to admit my mistakes and did so almost 2 years ago when I posted about my marriage failing.

[Ronaan]

I have no valuable input for your situation Brad, so I'll just blabber on how it's going with Annie.

Been 3 weeks and things are still good. We hang out a lot, she seems to be very into me, likes to cuddle a lot (works for me, hey I'm a leo, basically just a big cat, right?).

I also get more sex in any single night we spend together than I did in the 3 weeks with Steph in total.
Go to bed at ~11pm, sex. Wake up in the middle of the night (around 3.30 or so), sex. On weekends, wake up at 8 or 9 am, sex again.
I wonder how long my little soldier can take this... not complaining though.

She tells me she's very happy, and so am I. Sticking to the advice of always staying 1 level below her with that sort of talk, works great so far.

[Heylel Teomim]

Good for you Ronaan. Another couple of weeks will probably push you into "talk" territory where she's going to start asking questions about if this is really going to last, where it's going, etc. 50/50 chance of a small fight.

I'm not being cynical, just be prepared. I've yet to meet a girl who was so laid back she didn't try to press buttons now and again just to make sure that she can.

[Dabamf]

Originally Posted by Heylel Teomim

Good for you Ronaan. Another couple of weeks will probably push you into "talk" territory where she's going to start asking questions about if this is really going to last, where it's going, etc. 50/50 chance of a small fight.

I'm not being cynical, just be prepared. I've yet to meet a girl who was so laid back she didn't try to press buttons now and again just to make sure that she can.

Maybe that's why most of my short-term relationships have been short-term. Girl always seems to pull something stupid after a few weeks and I ignore her when she does it, then a few days later she pulls back big time.

Congrats ronaan, glad to see you got somethin good again. 1 step behind is a great guideline. I'm jealous of the sex. I haven't slept with a girl I REALLY wanted to/liked a lot for years. I often think back to those nights going 3-4 rounds a night, and the legendary saturday that topped 7 and I thought my dick was gonna fall off. With every girl since it's 1 round for weekly maintenance (so I don't turn homicidal) then "how can I get her out of my apartment."

[Ronaan]

Thanks guys

Yeah I'm still waiting for some bomb to drop, basically expecting anything, so I won't be surprised... but maybe it's because we both seem to take a "let's just see where this goes" approach. Not sure. We're both pretty relaxed about everything, both still doing our own stuff independent from each other, seems to work great so far.

On the other hand, her clock must be ticking quite audibly now at 33 years old. My mother had me at 37 though, and I like to think I turned out ok, so there's still some time...

And I'm still wondering why she hasn't been married + knocked up twice already... "never ran into the right man" just seems so... far-fetched... I don't know.

Originally Posted by Dabamf

I haven't slept with a girl I REALLY wanted to/liked a lot for years.

I have never slept with a woman that I didn't like a lot except once, many years ago, and that once was total fail. Thought it might be nice to just bang the wrinkles out of my nutsack, but it was "meh". Never tried again. I have to like someone before I bang them.
If nobody like that comes along, I prefer my hand.