The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

[avgeek]

Originally Posted by Alcestis

... come on now. That sounds like a possibly hilarious, "I accidentally an underaged girl" type story.

To your question. I can't offer any personal experience on a large age gap. Most people I've spoken with say it's relative to the ages themselves, even if the number of years is the same: there's a difference between a 42 and 48-year-old dating vs. say, a 24 and 18-year-old. Depends on the people and the details which we are lacking. Not knowing anything, I'd say you're probably a cad to bail solely based on age if everything else is perfect. Needs clarification.




Vatoreus: Damn. That's some pretty amazing stuff you're putting up with for this chick.

I suppose my original post was a bit vague.

I am 29, she is 18. We've been spending a ton of time together the past month or so, I guess a good description of the relationship thus far would be "perfect". When we first met I hadn't really considered her age based simply on the fact that she acted like a 24-25 year old. When her age did come up I was thrown off, but the friendship and attraction was already there. I guess, personally, I really don't have an issue with the number, but I have absolutely no personal experience in being with somebody that much younger. When I talked to one of my female friends I got the riot act about dating a child and how I would end up being her dad...which is what prompted the question here.

[Brad2770]

I am 31 and dated a 19.

She acted childish in certain aspects, but no more than some of the older women I dated. If youre happy (and its legal), then continue on.

[Junun]

Glad i'm not the only 30ish guy around here. I've been dating my gf for a year and a half and things are getting a bit rocky(we've always had our issues, they seem to be manifesting now though). And if we end up breaking up i have to say i'd be a bit nervous getting back into the dating game at 30.

[Eomer]

Originally Posted by avgeek

I suppose my original post was a bit vague.

I am 29, she is 18. We've been spending a ton of time together the past month or so, I guess a good description of the relationship thus far would be "perfect". When we first met I hadn't really considered her age based simply on the fact that she acted like a 24-25 year old. When her age did come up I was thrown off, but the friendship and attraction was already there. I guess, personally, I really don't have an issue with the number, but I have absolutely no personal experience in being with somebody that much younger. When I talked to one of my female friends I got the riot act about dating a child and how I would end up being her dad...which is what prompted the question here.

Hey man, if it's working keep rolling with it. Just keep in mind that the chances of the relationship surviving for more than a couple months are VERY small, unless either you're extremely immature or she's extremely mature, or a bit of both. That's a huge chasm of age that you're jumping across there.

And maturity aside, when it comes to large age differences, just as important is where you are in your lives and what you have in common. As thoroughly documented in this thread, I dated a 21 year old when I was almost 28 a few months back, and in hindsight I'm glad it didn't go further than it did. I'm settling down, established in a career, not looking to party every third night and so on. She has no idea what she wants to do with her life, waitresses/bartends etc, wants to go travelling to Australia for at least a couple months, lives with her parents, you get the idea. It just wasn't going to last long term, in all likelihood. Now I'm dating a girl who is almost 25, and everything makes a lot more sense.

I can't imagine dating a girl under 20, that's for sure. I remember when I was about 23 or 24 I dated a girl who was just turning 19, and she annoyed the shit out of me. People do a lot of growing up in their late teens and early 20s.

[Alcestis]

Originally Posted by avgeek

When I talked to one of my female friends I got the riot act about dating a child and how I would end up being her dad...

Eh, that's a common reaction with girls, I've noticed. Some can't fathom the idea of a mutually beneficial relationship even with such an age discrepancy.

If she's 18 right now, she's on the brink of entering college in the fall. Needless to say, a new environment changes everything, especially for a female freshman. I echo others above: if it's legal and you both like each other, go for it. But do it for the fun. Don't even think about "serious" until you're further than all of one month in. If you're dating for the long-term, I'm gonna play the overwhelming odds in my favor and say put her on hold. Sorry. =(

[avgeek]

Originally Posted by Alcestis

Eh, that's a common reaction with girls, I've noticed. Some can't fathom the idea of a mutually beneficial relationship even with such an age discrepancy.

If she's 18 right now, she's on the brink of entering college in the fall. Needless to say, a new environment changes everything, especially for a female freshman. I echo others above: if it's legal and you both like each other, go for it. But do it for the fun. Don't even think about "serious" until you're further than all of one month in. If you're dating for the long-term, I'm gonna play the overwhelming odds in my favor and say put her on hold. Sorry. =(

I suppose right now I -am- in it for the fun, I have no idea what the "long term" will be, but we are enjoying each others company right now. I don't have it in my sights at the moment to marry this girl and spend the rest of my life with her, but if that's what happens...it happens, to early to even think about it right now. On the plus side, she is fairly settled right now, she doesn't like to go out, drink, party, etc, she likes hanging out at home with a couple of friends or going out and doing small simple stuff (movies, coffee, that type thing)...all of which mesh well with a 29 year old that is long past the party phase.

[Alcestis]

Ah, I meant "long-term" and "serious" as in, "don't put much (if any) emotional investment into the relationship". There's always going to be outliers, but I assume that most mature guys at 29 aren't interested in the flitting around, serial 6-month-monogamy of their younger days, hence using those terms. Apologies if that was confusing. I wasn't truly proposing you think of marriage or anything of the sort. xD

[avgeek]

Originally Posted by Alcestis

Ah, I meant "long-term" and "serious" as in, "don't put much (if any) emotional investment into the relationship". There's always going to be outliers, but I assume that most mature guys at 29 aren't interested in the flitting around, serial 6-month-monogamy of their younger days, hence using those terms. Apologies if that was confusing. I wasn't truly proposing you think of marriage or anything of the sort. xD

lol, I think I knew what you ment, I guess I just wanted to clarify that I'm not already thinking about marriage. You are correct though, I am far from interested in a "fly by night" relationship, I'm in it for as long as it works, which, hopefully, will be a while...cause she's a really great girl.

[Haka Shakamalakabalsaka]

Originally Posted by Dabamf

stuff.

Seems like you're figuring it out, that's pretty much how I found the average Korean girl. In a lot of ways it's opposite to what our NA standard dating procedure would be. Cultural differences are pretty interesting, your experiences remind me of a seminar I ran in Korea about the whole interview/resume process in North America and how to prepare Koreans for it. For instance, through my students I learned that while interviewing for a job in Korea it's poor form to make any kind of eye contact with your interviewer, while in NA it's the complete opposite. In Korea, you're supposed to show that you're obedient and subservient and will do whatever your employer tells you, where as in NA I basically was trying to show them that it's important to show that you're confident, and strong and can think for yourself. Also all my students seemed to make jokes about how they were only in it for the money in our mock interviews, as in Korea I guess its important that you value finances, where as I had to constantly remind them that in NA you shouldn't really bring up your possible income until the end of the process and that you should be trying to imply to your possible employer that you're actually looking to work because you're "passionate" about it.

In retrospect, I kind of realized that our process is a lot more.... dishonest? than the Korean counterpart, and in a way it was a bit refreshing that they were so open.

Anyways, seems like your Korean buddy is advising you well, you're lucky you don't seem to have a girl that expects 10 texts a day as some of my buddy's claimed. I miss Korea, goodluck man.

[splok]

Oh, quick tip for those of you in Korea with/looking for chicks... (the teaching English thread reminded me somehow)

Take them to the Olympic park. The Koreans LOVE their parks, and this one is their king. They're really proud of the whole Olympic thing too, so they'll likely be really happy to go show it off to you. It's in the middle of Seoul, but you can be in a spot where you're surrounded by trees and feel like you're in a forest, miles away from the city. It's actually a really awesome place, and if I had lived anywhere near it, I would have gone there a ton.

[tseveng]

Okay, without posting my life story, here's the situation I find myself in.

I met this chick in March of 08' through the interwebs (I know, red flag already). We hooked up on the first night (red flag) and pretty regularly after that. Weeks go by and we start seeing each other more often and a few months later I move in (red flag), I believe this was around July.

Three or so months go by and we stop having sex; During this time and for the following five months she would go out on a fairly regular basis with her friend to various bars. We get in a huge fight in the beginning of September, and I discover a bunch of texts on her cell to 2 different guys that pretty much say that she's been fucking them behind my back. (One said something along the lines of "My BF is bugging me, he's always hanging around the apt" to which he replied "You should pretend to visit your parents one weekend and visit me. You know i miss dat ass") I confide in her friend and in October my GF confronts me about invading her privacy, etc. For some reason I apologize to her for this (Yah, I'm that stupid).

December comes and me, my gf, a female friend, and a male friend go out for drinks. Everyone gets pretty drunk (except me, I DD - always) and on the drive back my GF sits in the back seat with male friend. I hear her say at one point "Holding hands is ok", and later she says "Kissing isn't a big deal". I take note of this. When we go upstairs the drinking continues. She refers to male friend as "Babe" at some point, when female friend points this out she says "I call everyone babe". She does not, in fact, call everyone babe. Male friend, female friend, and I comment about how my GF is acting wierd. At one point she yells at me for losing her cigarettes (In reality she lost them in her car) and threatens to drive to CVS to buy a pack if I don't do it for her. I don't want her to die, so I reluctantly go to get her a pack, with a feeling in the pit of my stomach thinking that she is going to fuck this guy. On the way to / from CVS female friend explodes my friend saying to come pick her up, she doesn't want to be there, etc. I pick her up, and although I want to go upstairs to see what's going on, I drive her back to her house. She's practically in tears and I say, "She's fucking him isn't she?" and she goes on to say that as soon as I left my GF started yelling at her to go away, etc. She went eventually listened to her and went to the bedroom where she heard her ask him if she wanted to see her tits. He said no several times after several requests ;eventually she took out her tits anyway and then begged to see his dick for around 30 minutes. I am furious at this point and go back to the apt after a long goodbye to female friend. I get home, and the apt door wasn't shut all the way; female friend accidently left it ajar when she came down to get taken home. I hear what sounds like one of three things: A dick getting sucked, sloppy drunk making out, or fucking (although the "Clap, clap" was not one of the sounds being heard, so I'm starting to think they may not have actually penis-in-vagina fucked). I let them know I'm home by slamming the door and taking off my shoes. I walk into the living room to see my GFs tits hanging out of her shirt, her pants down, and this dudes pants down. I confront her this situation and point out the irony that she has accused me of cheating before when I have never done anything more than hugging friends and holding drunk friends arms as to help them balance themselves when walking. She says she can't trust me so why should I trust her. I yell, threaten physical violence, everyone leaves apt. She goes downstairs with male friend for several minutes, I tell go down there and say this is taking too long, hurry the fuck up. She comes back up and begs to let me let male friend stay the night since he has no where to go. Eventually I agree to let him stay. Few weeks later I move out while she's at work, she goes to the crazy hospital for 3 days.

I'm in the clear, right? Did I mention we work together? Two weeks go by, and I start talking to her again at work. She has started taking her meds again, a month goes by and I move back in despite a feeling in my stomach telling me this is a mistake. The first week of February if full of fighting, then it's smooth sailing until now.

I have since hung out with the same male friend, female friend, and my GF twice since this bullshit happened. Male friend and my GF act like none of this happened, much to my and female friends shagrin. Along the lines I have also discovered the following:

Other fun facts:

-She fucked her coke dealer during the time we were going out.
-She dated another dude in July and fucked him. She wanted to see him, he was also dating someone and told her that he was worth the wait. She told female friend "Fuck it, I'm dating [me] and he's great." Female friend told me after this point my GF never cheated on me, to her knowledge. Since then, female friend has admitted to her knowing several dudes my GFs fucked while we were dating.
-She cheated on her ex-fiancee' several times.
-Female friend convinced my GF to break up with her ex-fiancee because my GF was miserable with him.
-She was recently drunk and stood up several hours after I went to bed (I fell asleep at ~4 am). At 6:00am she received a phone call from [coke dealer she fucked previously] and several more phone calls at 6;30, 645, 650 and 655. I could not tell if these calls were incoming, outgoing, or answered. At 6:10 my GF sent a message to a female myspace friend (one that I have not heard mentioned) that lives in a far away state that stated, "Where are you? Lets do this". I believe this message may have been to coke dealer's fake myspace name (She visits myspace and facebook several times a day, everyday).
-For the past 3 months she has consumed less than 30 days worth of her prescription.
-In the past she has been physically violent with me. She used to cut herself. She has severe panic attacks and freak outs, where she punches herself in the head and is prone to violence. She has had several panic attacks in the past few months, and one severe freak out this past week.
-I've bought a puppy during this period of time.
-She had a close male friend that she never disclosed she had feelings for. I saw her initials and his initials in a heart written on our elevator in her hand writing during the period of time when I first moved in.
-She would get drunk almost every time she hung out with female friend.
-She admits to "being a bad girlfriend in the past because she would get drunk" which leads me to believe this bitch has been fucked a ton of guys while we've been going out.
-She has lied to female friend (who was her former best friend) about several really important things, including giving her an STD, and making her hate her former boyfriend.
-She admitted to sleeping with female friend; did not tell me a third party was involved (I assume it was her close male friend).
-I am 100% responsible for all domestic duties. I cook every meal (even when I'm not hungry), I clean every room.
-I have only had sex with her three times in the past 11 months; she was under the influence of some drug all three times.
-General cuntyness and attitude for no reason.

Everyone I know, including female friend, is urging me to break up with her. I have the desire to see other people, and I get the feeling that female friend may like me (which would be the greatest thing ever). I know that breaking up with her would probably be for the best, but I have no idea what I should do. What if she breaks all my shit after I tell her I want out? Who would get to keep the puppy? What if she reads this post and murders me in my sleep?

[ToeMissile]

Originally Posted by tseveng

wtf

I'm not going to go over all the thing wrong with all of that. Just that you should leave asap. Do it while she's at work like you did the first time, and then never talk to her again. Don't yell, apologize, or even leave any kind of note, just gtfo... and grow some balls. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but you need to stick up for yourself.

--my gf says you should fake your death.
--and if you care for that little puppy at all, take it with you.

[Alcestis]

car⋅pet
  /ˈkɑrpɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kahr-pit]
–noun
1. a heavy fabric, commonly of wool or nylon, for covering floors.
2. a covering of this material.
3. someone who admittedly knows better yet lets his cuntspatula girlfriend walk all over him.

Goddamn, it reminds me of The Shipping News by Annie Proulx, which I was forced to read in high school. Mainly that scene where the main character is listening to his wife fuck some other dude in their bedroom, and he's trying to go to sleep while sobbing and tears are running into his ears. Jesus Christ.

Don't be that fat, idiotic bastard in that fucking terrible book.

Hook up with female friend. The first time you have sex, ejaculate on the area where your balls should be and hope the testosterone will stimulate them to grow. Take the puppy. Get the hell out.

[Wurstsalat]

Originally Posted by tseveng

Stuff

I cant even count the reasons i would have left that retarded bitch in a heartbeat for.

No offense, but what the fuck is wrong with you? Is that the only woman you can get or why do you act like if you are the one wearing the skirt in that relationship?

Jesus.. man up ffs!

[Drave]

Originally Posted by tseveng

-I am 100% responsible for all domestic duties. I cook every meal (even when I'm not hungry), I clean every room.
-I have only had sex with her three times in the past 11 months; she was under the influence of some drug all three times.
-General cuntyness and attitude for no reason.

Sounds more like you enjoy the submission. /shrug