The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

[Sharmai]

Originally Posted by wamphyr

Burn baby BURN!!

Dude nothing but experience here can really explain just how important it is to not burn your bridges.This works for all things in life including past relationship but burning your bridges is almost always a universally bad idea. You never know when you'll find yourself on the other side of that burn bridge needing a rope. Or better yet when she sabotages one of your future relationships out of pure spite.

[Dumar]

Originally Posted by Sharmai

Do not ever take advice from Dumar on relationships. I have defended him on his personal choices in other threads but whereas I believe in a persons freedom to date how they choose I do not necessarily agree with it being the best method to do so. This is how he treats his relationships (read the thread to see him go into more detail) if you are as detached from your women are or looking for women with as little substance as he is then mabye its good advice. But in 9.95 out of 10 of all cases his advice is nothing but fail. Ever.

Do not take advice from this man...

http://www.fohguild.org/forums/gener...fe#post1095822

little substance? the women i look for are of substance. churping about politics or shoes isn't substance.

my advice is fail if you're just looking for more bedpost notches or drama. if you're looking for dignity and self-respect, come see me. my advice will never get you laid, but it will give you a good night's sleep knowing you're being honest with yourself and with other people.

maybe men should stop listening to their penis every 5 seconds.

[aychamo_aycono]

Originally Posted by Dumar

little substance? the women i look for are of substance. churping about politics or shoes isn't substance.

my advice is fail if you're just looking for more bedpost notches or drama. if you're looking for dignity and self-respect, come see me. my advice will never get you laid, but it will give you a good night's sleep knowing you're being honest with yourself and with other people.

maybe men should stop listening to their penis every 5 seconds.

I just read through your posts on women, and how you apparently like really dumb ones and ones without brains. Do the smart ones emasculate you? I can't stand dumb girls. I need someone who is right there with me on the same level mentally, and who I can geek out about stuff with.

[Dumar]

Originally Posted by aychamo_aycono

I just read through your posts on women, and how you apparently like really dumb ones and ones without brains. Do the smart ones emasculate you? I can't stand dumb girls. I need someone who is right there with me on the same level mentally, and who I can geek out about stuff with.

i don't want to derail, but i'll answer your questions if you ask.

not emasculate. dumb girls are more interesting on a daily basis because they do things that are illogical and might not make sense. this includes words and actions. this could also lead to more drama, but if you want unexpected day by day, there it is.

educated girls are boring. what do you mean right there with you mentally? do you want to discuss a textbook or a wiki article? why not just read it then? i don't understand why you want to discuss something with someone for hours when you can find what you're looking for in 10 minutes. there's no reason for the discourse at all. unless you're just wanting pillow talk, in which case any subject will do, from quantum mechanics to seinfield; it doesn't matter what the convo is about.

[Vatoreus]

Originally Posted by Dumar

i don't want to derail, but i'll answer your questions if you ask.

not emasculate. dumb girls are more interesting on a daily basis because they do things that are illogical and might not make sense. this includes words and actions. this could also lead to more drama, but if you want unexpected day by day, there it is.

educated girls are boring. what do you mean right there with you mentally? do you want to discuss a textbook or a wiki article? why not just read it then? i don't understand why you want to discuss something with someone for hours when you can find what you're looking for in 10 minutes. there's no reason for the discourse at all. unless you're just wanting pillow talk, in which case any subject will do, from quantum mechanics to seinfield; it doesn't matter what the convo is about.

Are you seriously dumb about everything in life?

[Sharmai]

You want a women who lives to perform a function. One that would be no different from a highly advanced machine capable of fucking, cleaning, raising your kids, and cooking you dinner. If it talked it is merely the reasonable result of having no one else to use her voice on. You responding is the naturally courteous thing to do but merely a formality of a substance-less relationship.

This is not an insult to your way of life it is merely an examination of it. However your justify (to yourself) how you do is irrelevant, it is how you prefer to live. It would be the same as a man whom likes to beat himself with a hot poker giving advice about how to be happy. It is your choice but it does not speak well to your ability to give others good advice.


To be fair I give my advice based on its ability to be weighed in context of your (theirs) situation. It is given with details of reasoning which explain why its good instead of colorful but useless descriptors such as "it provides self-respect or dignity". I find that often a person seeking advice needs to understand why one piece of advice should be taken more then or alongside that of another. It helps to define how and why advice should be taken above and beyond the simple answer "just because".

[Dumar]

Originally Posted by Sharmai

You want a women who lives to perform a function. One that would be no different from a highly advanced machine capable of fucking, cleaning, raising your kids, and cooking you dinner. If it talked it is merely the reasonable result of having no one else to use her voice on. You responding is the naturally courteous thing to do but merely a formality of a substance-less relationship.

i think you misunderstand kinda. i don't just want a robot; all women are robots. it doesn't matter if one has a certain view on god or another likes purple shoes. it doesn't matter if she's a republican or was raised in alaska. it doesn't make a difference. one woman traveled to italy while another went to bootcamp at 18. okay, great dinner convo for an hour. how are these women any different after a month? they're not. there's no difference.

so what i'm saying is that there's nothing a woman could say that would make me value the relationship more because of it. i feel like i'm repeating myself (because i am), but it's kinda a difficult idea to communicate. i'm not saying no talking or something dumb, but i would prefer she not go on about her exp, views, or whatever. it's just not important because all women have them. it doesn't matter to me or anybody else. so.. i don't wanna hear it.

i'll pay for dinner. i'll pay for flowers. i'll pay for a purdy necklace. if the girl deserves these things. enlightening my mind with some amazing discourse on philosophy that i could wiki in 5m doesn't make her deserve it. having a great pair of tits doesn't deserve it either. the best way to describe it is the discourse and tits are commodities in this day. everyone has them. grats to everyone. now, show me how you're different. i'll show you my honesty, and you show me you deserve my respect.. and the flowers.

[Vatoreus]

WTF would a woman do to show you she deserves her respect? You don't value people for who they are and frankly, I have no idea what you value them for at all. People care about others' experiences, because they are what make you you after all. I'm honestly curious what you look for in women, because so far, all you've said what you don't look for.

[Sharmai]

Originally Posted by Dumar

Stuff.

I hear you but let me put it into context for aychamo_aycono like I described earlier so he can better understand what I mean. You said for, for example,

one woman traveled to italy while another went to bootcamp at 18. okay, great dinner convo for an hour. how are these women any different after a month? they're not. there's no difference.

Now aychamo_aycono let me ask you in your life would these two women Dumar described be the same after a month to you?

For me personally no. For the majority of people I have met in the world, no. I have dated women from the same town and from different countries and they were no more the same at 1 month or at 1 year. Other then having two tits and pussy they shared differences so extreme and so minuscule that I could never call them the same. Not unless it was taken in extreme context such as "Sara washes her hair on Sunday and so does Jill!".

aychamo_aycono ask yourself if the advice given by Dumar and his personal habits in relationships; if that accurately describes yourself?

From what I gather about you I highly doubt it is but I never knock experimentation. Maybe it is good for you to try if for nothing else then to learn/improve about yourself. Especially in the areas of what you do and don't want from a women.

[Etoille]

Originally Posted by Lowk

Weird question for you, did you come from a overly conservative or christian family?

I really don't think you know enough about Aych, nor has he put enough out there to say some shit like that. Be aware I'm not saying it's the opposite of what you are saying, only that there simply isn't enough information out there to make a judgment like that to make that assessment of his character.

actually not at all, and its not that i have issues with him hooking up with a lot of chicks (many of my male friends do), or even having sex on camera (not really that kinky imho).

what i have an issue with is:

1. he did it (interwebs sex) without their permission (if you cant understand why thats wrong well...i cant help you)
2. he's talking about how he wants to settle down because the times hes around his married friends he wants to be married too.

it would seem to me that he just wants whatever makes him feel good at the time, and to hell with anyone else's feelings. he cant even understand that what he did was wrong and is very self focused.

you cant treat people like chattel then turn around and whine about how youre lonely without "the one".


The Sociopath

Sociopaths are very egocentric individuals that lack a sense of personal responsibility and morality. They may be impulsive, manipulative, reckless, quarrelsome, and consistent liars. Sociopaths are usually unable to sustain relationships and have a total lack of remorse for their actions...

Despite these previous symptoms, the sociopath may be an excellent actor, always appearing charming, calm, and collected. They usually have a normal or above normal intelligence level and good verbal fluency...

Primary psychopaths/sociopaths are considered to be the true sociopath. This is the sociopath who appears to be very normal, calm, and educated on the exterior, but on the interior, they are incapable of experiencing any form of emotional content. They rarely come in contact with the law, but when they do, they are often able to talk themselves out of trouble using their verbal skills. Despite this verbal eloquence, the words often have no real emotional meaning for the sociopath. When the primary sociopath does commit crimes, they are usually petty, meaningless, and without logic, such as daredevil acts and disturbing the peace. It is believed that a constant state of boredom and the lack of ability to truly feel deep emotion are what lead to this random misbehaviour or thrill seeking. This form of psychopaths "can basically be thought of as emotional shells; the surface is all there, but there is no substance"...

An estimated 3% of all adult males have this sociopathic disorder. (The antisocial personality disorder is uncommon among women.) Only a small fraction of this percentage actually develop into violent criminals. Most sociopathic individuals are able to control their disorder within the boundaries of social tolerability...

They are considered only 'socially obnoxious' or hateful personalities, and every one of us knows of someone who fits the description. Corrupt and callous politicians, social or career fast climbers, authoritarian leaders, abusing and aggressive persons, etc., are among them. A common characteristic is that they engage systematically in deception and manipulation of others for personal gain. In fact, many successful and adapted non-violent sociopaths can be found in our society. An NIMH epidemiologic study reported that only 47% of those who met the SPD criteria had a significant arrest record. The most relevant events for these persons occur in the area of job problems, domestic violence, traffic offences, and severe marital difficulties.

Source blows but its actually chock a block full of good information regarding socio's. I'm no therapist but thats the first thing I thought of when I read this tbh. I'm not saying he's prone to violence but socio's arent these horrible lurking people. Yes they include people like Ted Bundy or Scott Peterson but as the article points out there are many functional cases.


And Eomer you got to the root of why i think sociopathy cant be ruled out/he needs therapy.

He fundamentally claims to 'care about' people but behaves in ways that he either doesnt understand or doesnt care will hurt them. His behaviors seem to be influenced on societal rules, not emotional connections which would tell him 'hey if i do this ill hurt this person and i love them i dont want to do that.'

[Dumar]

Originally Posted by Sharmai

stuffs

this is why i asked you to ask yourself the question i posed in the previous thread. i said to measure your convos. measure what what you talk about and the words said. what conclusion do you reach? to me, there's really no difference except blue or purple shoes.

[Dumar]

Originally Posted by Vatoreus

more stuff

earning respect means knowing your role and not lying to me (or yourself) about what you're doing and what you want. and shutting up while eating dinner, too.

i guess i should add an addendum.

stupid girls are one type that makes each day interesting. another is a girl that is from a foreign country who can't speak english worth crap. not only will she talk less about junk, but trying to understand what she means (if you have interest in that language beyond classroom grammar) can provide day to day entertainment if you're into that.

i dated a japanese girl who couldn't speak much english at all, and she held my attention for quite awhile simply because i couldn't understand her and her thinking for a long time.

[Sharmai]

Originally Posted by Etoille

2. he's talking about how he wants to settle down because the times hes around his married friends he wants to be married too.

it would seem to me that he just wants whatever makes him feel good at the time, and to hell with anyone else's feelings. he cant even understand that what he did was wrong and is very self focused.

you cant treat people like chattel then turn around and whine about how youre lonely without "the one".

And Eomer you got to the root of why i think sociopathy cant be ruled out/he needs therapy.

He fundamentally claims to 'care about' people but behaves in ways that he either doesnt understand or doesnt care will hurt them. His behaviors seem to be influenced on societal rules, not emotional connections which would tell him 'hey if i do this ill hurt this person and i love them i dont want to do that.'

I really hate modern therapy. It makes the assumption of right vs wrong. Morale values which are entirely opinion based. Loosely related research highly directed to reflect a wanted goal. Modern Therapy. We use it too often as a crutch instead of as a reactive helpful but uncommonly needed tool...

/rant off

If how you describe him is true it does not make him wrong. It is who he is. At best an argument can be made that he has not fully come into complete understanding of his self and even then only designs which help help come to that conclusion should be given. (personal opinion) None of which should be stating he is wrong. And no this is not an absolution of personal responsibility either, its simply that relationships and personal habits/preferences are not subject to right vs wrong. Doing so is ignorant and stupid or as I call it "modern therapy".

If it came to pass that he loved sleeping with many women while loving only one then he is no different then the many persons of ancient Rome. Hes not a sociopath for it. I hate these fucking labels its the same shit that justifies labeling gays and lesbians as deviants and needing help. Fucking modern therapy.

[Sharmai]

Originally Posted by Dumar

this is why i asked you to ask yourself the question i posed in the previous thread. i said to measure your convos. measure what what you talk about and the words said. what conclusion do you reach? to me, there's really no difference except blue or purple shoes.

If I were to start making a list of the differences between two women how long would it need to be before you considered the difference substantial enough? If I were to say Sally did her hair in braids and Michelle did her hair not at all would that not be a difference? If I were to say Sally has big breasts and loves giving head but Michelle only has big breasts is that enough?

What if I bulleted the list till it filled 300 pages? I could put their favorites foods, their favorites books, they way the smile, their hobbies, what the believed in, and on and on and on. I could make a list with differences so small it would be as simple as a 1 inch height difference and I could make a list with differences as big as a girl being deaf and/or speaking an entirely foreign language to my own.

This is why I have to have aychamo_aycono put it into his own context. For me I see differences in things so small and yet they still hold great meaning for me. These differences work together to collectively create a lasting and meaningful relationship that would never fall under your definition of such. Does it make you wrong? No. Does it make me right? Not unless you believe in modern therapy.. (ugh.).

My argument is that your not the norm in that what you enjoy would not ,on average, be what most men would enjoy. That aychamo_aycono is very likely to not be like you and that your advice would do more harm then good as such. Of course it must be put in aychamo_aycono's context for him to understand.

[aychamo_aycono]

Originally Posted by Dumar

enlightening my mind with some amazing discourse on philosophy that i could wiki in 5m doesn't make her deserve it.

Man, you're missing out on the best part of a relationship. As much as we all like to believe we're the smartest people and know everything, it simply isn't true. We need other people for ideas.

It is an amazing experience when you have a girlfriend with whom you have a good rapport and similar interests. To me, I enjoy talking with her for five or six hours straight about whatever, hearing her opinions and insight on things, and seeing how they compare to my own views. I'm not beyond reproach, and I find it fascinating when I realize I've been seeing something wrong my entire life, or however long it may have been.

And these aren't things you can lookup in Wikipedia

Not saying you're outlook on life is wrong, but I need something much more fulfilling and satisfying.