Kid fucks his car

Diwali · 05-22-2008, 01:56 PM

Sex with car - Closer Online

Quote:
Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive.

The 20 year old is in love with his Volkswagen Beetle – and has been having sex with it for four years.

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

“I don’t fancy people,” says Jordan. “It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.”

Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship.

Jordan says: “When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things.

“I’m not ready to tell Mum, though. She sees the world in a different way and is always asking me if I’ve found a nice girl.”

Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child.

He says: “I had hundreds of toy cars as a kid and often played in my dad’s Beetle. I used to talk to it, but I didn’t think it was odd as all my mates had imaginary friends.”

After Jordan passed his driving test at 16, he spent his £750 savings on his first car, a 1967 VW Beetle.

Jordan says: “I just knew she was a ‘girl’ car and I named her Ingo. She hadn’t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.”

It was only while restoring Ingo that Jordan, who has never been attracted to women, realised his feelings were sexual.

“I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo,” he says. “I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn’t feel strange, just really exciting.

“After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.”
Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship.

“I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over £2,500 refurbishing Ingo. Most of Jordan’s earnings from his job stacking shelves at a supermarket are spent on her.

Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

“I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains. “I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

Unsurprisingly, Jordan from Missouri, USA, describes himself as a bit of a loner – though he has now made friends with another mechaphile over the internet.

Jordan says: “I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I’ll be happy.”

lol by his picture i am not too shocked

Lyrical · 05-22-2008, 01:59 PM

How do you have a gay relationship with a car?

P.S.: This kid reminds me of those people that go on Springer and lie about outrageous things just to get a free vacation and some attention. Only Arbitrary would do stuff like this IRL.

Tuco · 05-22-2008, 02:03 PM

Stickshift.

Zistrix · 05-22-2008, 02:09 PM

Sounds soo fake.

Jadn · 05-22-2008, 02:10 PM

Just when I think the internet has regurgitated the most bizarre shit another days brings a fresh pile of vomit.

Diwali · 05-22-2008, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zistrix

Sounds soo fake.

Crazy Austrian kept his kids locked in a dungeon for years, why can't this be real?

Zitar · 05-22-2008, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

Does he use axle grease? This story is so fake. No way someone fucks the exhaust pipe to climax. His dick would be torn to shit.

Shaof · 05-22-2008, 02:41 PM

Dude needs to upgrade to the Mercury Mistress:
Mercury Mistress

The Ancient · 05-22-2008, 02:41 PM

Don't click to visit the website posting that story if you have man-parts.

Zistrix · 05-22-2008, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diwali

Crazy Austrian kept his kids locked in a dungeon for years, why can't this be real?

Anything is possible but this shit just screams of fakeyness.

column · 05-22-2008, 03:03 PM

So thats what hapened to the Tuco mobile.

James · 05-22-2008, 03:14 PM

I'm not gonna lie. I'd seriously consider fucking the Tuco mobile.

Gryeyes · 05-22-2008, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lyrical

How do you have a gay relationship with a car?

P.S.: This kid reminds me of those people that go on Springer and lie about outrageous things just to get a free vacation and some attention. Only Arbitrary would do stuff like this IRL.

One of my friends did this when he was like 18-19. Got a free trip to new york. Fought on stage and everything. But ya reeks of fake.

mexpak · 05-22-2008, 03:34 PM

Didn't Furor do this years ago

Salshun · 05-22-2008, 03:38 PM

I used to have an STi. Accelerating through 3rd there were times I remarked "I would so fuck this car."

But yeah, that kid looks like a date rapist. A sea of poorly defended college woman will be saved because of his car.

05-22-2008, 01:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
Diwali Registered User Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 437	Kid fucks his car Sex with car - Closer Online Quote: Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive. The 20 year old is in love with his Volkswagen Beetle – and has been having sex with it for four years. Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe. “I don’t fancy people,” says Jordan. “It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.” Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship. Jordan says: “When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things. “I’m not ready to tell Mum, though. She sees the world in a different way and is always asking me if I’ve found a nice girl.” Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child. He says: “I had hundreds of toy cars as a kid and often played in my dad’s Beetle. I used to talk to it, but I didn’t think it was odd as all my mates had imaginary friends.” After Jordan passed his driving test at 16, he spent his £750 savings on his first car, a 1967 VW Beetle. Jordan says: “I just knew she was a ‘girl’ car and I named her Ingo. She hadn’t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.” It was only while restoring Ingo that Jordan, who has never been attracted to women, realised his feelings were sexual. “I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo,” he says. “I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn’t feel strange, just really exciting. “After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.” Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship. “I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.” Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over £2,500 refurbishing Ingo. Most of Jordan’s earnings from his job stacking shelves at a supermarket are spent on her. Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship. Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together. “I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains. “I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.” Unsurprisingly, Jordan from Missouri, USA, describes himself as a bit of a loner – though he has now made friends with another mechaphile over the internet. Jordan says: “I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I’ll be happy.” lol by his picture i am not too shocked Attached Images __________________ "Just think of the lulz Johnson, think of the lulz! DO IT FOR THE LULZ!"

05-22-2008, 02:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
Tuco Santa Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 9,051 +32 Internets	Stickshift. __________________

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05-22-2008, 01:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Lyrical Registered User Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 2,934	How do you have a gay relationship with a car? P.S.: This kid reminds me of those people that go on Springer and lie about outrageous things just to get a free vacation and some attention. Only Arbitrary would do stuff like this IRL.

05-22-2008, 02:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
Zistrix Cowboy Astronaut Millionaire Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,114	Sounds soo fake.

05-22-2008, 02:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
Jadn Registered User Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 151 -5 Internets	Just when I think the internet has regurgitated the most bizarre shit another days brings a fresh pile of vomit.

05-22-2008, 02:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
Shaof Registered User Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 328 +3 Internets	Dude needs to upgrade to the Mercury Mistress: Mercury Mistress

05-22-2008, 03:34 PM	#14 (permalink)
mexpak Before Jenny, I couldn't even walk up stairs without losing my breath Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 117 -1 Internets	Didn't Furor do this years ago

05-22-2008, 03:38 PM	#15 (permalink)
Salshun +Internets can now be exchanged for free original thought potions! Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,602	I used to have an STi. Accelerating through 3rd there were times I remarked "I would so fuck this car." But yeah, that kid looks like a date rapist. A sea of poorly defended college woman will be saved because of his car.