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10-25-2007, 01:20 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Oooooooooooohhhh, yeeeeeeeeeesssssss  Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 4,378
+69 Internets | Good Jokes - Post some Let's try and get some good jokes posted. Not just copypaste shit from emails if you can help it. -------------- Man comes home, bursts in the door as excited can be. He shouts with glee "Honey, I just won the lottery, pack your bags!" The wife runs into the room and exclaims "I can't believe it! What should I pack, beach stuff, skiing gear, cruise attire?" The husband smiles the biggest smile of his life, taking her by the arms and says "I don't care what you pack, just get the fuck out."
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10-25-2007, 01:31 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| The Decider  Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 638
+4 Internets | What's black and blue and hates sex? The 6 year old tied up in my closet.
__________________ To be highly certain of something, with a very low order of evidence, or in contradiction to a mountain of evidence, is a sign that something is wrong with your mind. |
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10-25-2007, 01:37 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| !1 Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Knox Vegas
Posts: 155
| Doug was flipping peanuts in the air and catching them in his mouth. Sue (his wife) calls to him and in that distracted moment a peanut becomes lodged in Doug's ear. Doug tries first to remove the peanut, and then Sue, to no avail. Judy (their daughter) comes home and her new boyfriend is with her (Steve). Doug confesses his predictament to them. Steve says, "I have an idea Doug, hold still a sec" He jams his fingers up Doug's nose. "Now take a deep breath, keep your mouth closed and blow out," says Steve. *Pop* the peanut shoots out of Doug's ear, and he is very relieved. Pulling Doug aside, Sue says, "Wow, that Steve sure is smart! I wonder what he is going to be after graduation?" to which Doug replied, "From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our new son-in-law." |
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10-25-2007, 02:14 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| From the fjords of Ikealand  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sweden
Posts: 103
+1 Internets | What's the best part of fucking a seven year old girl? Spoiler Alert, click show to read: What do you do after raping a deaf and mute seven year old girl? Spoiler Alert, click show to read: |
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10-25-2007, 02:15 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Registered User  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Redding, Ca
Posts: 2,782
+46 Internets | Black joke. Spoiler Alert, click show to read: Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
__________________ Tyen is a power hungry admin. He abused his power and hacked his internets. Give him -internets to offset this injustice. Last edited by homsar; 10-25-2007 at 02:18 PM.. |
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10-25-2007, 02:51 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Brilliant!  Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,820
 | Jesus and Moses are out golfing one day. They reach the 15th hole, which has a nice sized water hazard seperating the fairway from the green, and after the initial drives, they wander out onto the fairway. When it comes time for Jesus' shot, he looks at how far he has to go to the green and selects the 9-iron for his shot. "You might want to reconsider," says Moses. "That's a 7-iron shot if I ever saw one." Jesus shakes his head. "I once saw Arnold Palmer make this exact shot with a 9-iron. If he can do it, then so can I." Moses laughs. "Alright, if you insist." "I'm telling you, if Arnold Palmer can make this shot witha 9-iron, then I shouldn't have any problems." And with that, he lined up for his shot, took a mighty swing, and watched as the ball went up and up, and then down and down and down... right into the water hazard. Jesus shakes his head in disgust. "I don't understand it. Arnold Palmer did it!" Moses just laughs and says, "I'll tell you what, I'll let you do that one again. But I'm telling you, that's a 7-iron shot." Moses then walks over to the pond, holds out his arms and parts the water, just like the Red Sea. He then calmly walks over to Jesus' ball, picks it up, walks back to his friend, and drops it down in front of him. "7-iron," he says, before stepping back. "I'm telling you," says Jesus, "If Arnold Palmer did it, so can I." Moses laughs but doesn't say anything else as Jesus lines up for his shot. This time, his swing is near perfect, and the ball goes up and up and up, and then down, and down, and down, and.... PLUNK! Right into the drink again. "I don't understand it," says Jesus. "I should be able to make that shot with a 9-iron if Arnold Palmer did too." "Well," says Moses. "I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen. Now you're going to have to go and get your own ball." Jesus sighs, walks over to the water, and then begins walking on top of the water. When he gets to the spot where his ball went in, he kneels down and begins fishing around for it. As this was happening, a man drives by in a golf cart and sees Jesus kneeling on top of the water trying to find his ball. After a moment or two, the man calls out to Moses, "Hey, does that guy think he's Jesus or something?" "No," yells Moses in response. "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer." |
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