Good Jokes - Post some

[aychamo_aycono]

Originally Posted by Makata

So let's see here; you told 2 versions of the same joke. One has a very predictable and simple build up with a single punch line. The other is subtle and requires someone to think a moment and figure out one mini-punchline before they can get the next. You tell these jokes to people who have chemically reduced mental capacities while you yourself shared the condition. Big surprise as to which one faired better.

But hey if you don't like the better version, no skin off my nose; I'm certainly not offended. Hope you enjoyed nursing that hangover this morning.

Hey man! Don't get so bent out of shape just because your version isn't as good

[Pankeleonn]

i agree makata's version sucks

[Felonius]

i was hating makata in this thread before hating makata in this thread was cool!

p.s. yes makata it was a fun hang over

[Greyform]

I never remember jokes, and probably should have forgotten this one too:

A woman is playing golf when she hits an errant shot into the woods,

While looking for her ball she sees an old oil lamp lying on the ground. She picks it up and after rubbing some dirt off of the lamp to get a better look, a man suddenly appears from behind her and startles her.

The man tells the women he is the genie from the lamp and will grant her three wishes, but first she must have sex with him.

The woman is so excited to have found a genie she agrees to have sex with him.

After they are finished, the man gets dressed and starts to walk away, when the woman calls out to him.

“What about my 3 wishes?”

The man looks at the woman and says,

“Aren’t you a little too old to be believing in Genies?”

[Makata]

I'd tell the version of the above that I heard but I wouldn't want to get anyone else's panties in a bunch.

[James]

Makata's version:

A woman plays golf,

While looking for some balls she sees an old oil lamp. And rubs it.

The man tells the women HE IS GENIE from lamp and will grant her three wishes, but first she must blowjob him.

The woman is so excited.

After they are finished, the man gets dressed and starts to walk away, when woman calls out to him.

“What?”

The man looks at the woman and says,

“YOU'RE REALLY FAT. LIKE MY GRANDMA. VERY FAT. SO BIG."

[JeydaX]

I didn't read the preface to your post James, I thought it was awful till I read the first line.

[Greyform]

I don't know if Makata's version is better, but James' version cracked me up.

And so I don’t post and not joke:


A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender asks “Why do you have a parrot on your shoulder?”

The man tells him that the parrot is special “this parrot eats pussy”

The bartender walks away in disbelief.

A few minutes later a second man asks the first man the same question “why do you have a parrot on your shoulder?”

And again the first man replies that his parrot is special “this parrot eats pussy”
The second man walks away shaking his head.

A woman sitting nearby overhears the mans story and asks him in disbelief “does your parrot really eat pussy?”

The man replies that yes in fact his parrot does eat pussy and that he is very good at it.

Of course the woman does not believe him, but after a few more drinks her curiosity gets the best of her.
She tells the man that she wants him to prove to her that his parrot really does eat pussy.

The man takes the woman back to his room, and the woman gets undressed and lies on the bed with her legs open.

The man places the bird between her legs and tells him to “go at it”.

The bird just looks around the room and does nothing.

Again the man tells the bird to “go for it”. But still the bird does nothing.

The man picks the bird up and shaking his head he say’s













"OK I’m only going to show you this one more time!”

[Makata]

Heard a slightly different version of the above too though it's mostly cosmetic.

If you really want to hear my version of the genie one I'll be glad to share it. The punchline is essentially the same just a different set up. I just figured that since everyone on this board has blind hatred for me and will hate my version simply because it came from me (as the last round proved so well) that it would be a moot point. But at the same time, I've come to accept and almost cherish my status here as the black sheep so if you long for another opportunity to lash out at me, I will be glad to provide.

[Ameraves Loyalheart]

Nobody hated your version because who you are. They hated your version cause it just wasn't very funny. I mean granted people hate you, but the joke still just sucked.

[Greyform]

It may just be that old saying:

Some people just can't type a joke

[Hasto]

My apologies beforehand if I butcher this joke.

Up in heaven, Jesus convened all the apostles and desciples to an emergency meeting to discuss the spiralling world drug consumption. Following a lengthy debate, they decided they should try the different types of drugs themselves before settling on a course of actionto ensure the salvation of mankind. It was therefore decided that a select commission should return to Earth to acquire various drugs. Two days later the appointed desciples began to return to heaven.

'Who is it?' asked Jesus as the first caller arrived.
'It's Paul.'
Jesus opened the door.
'What did you bring, Paul?'
'Hashish from Morocco.'
'Very well, Paul. Come in.'
A few minutes later there was a second visitor. 'Who is it?' asked Jesus.
'It's Mark.'
Jesus opened the door.
'What did you bring, Mark?'
'Marijuana from Columbia.'
'Very well, Mark. Come in.'
Soon there was another knock.'Who is it?' Jesus asked.
'It's Luke.'
Jesus opened the door.
'What did you bring, Luke?'
'Speed from Amsterdam.'
'Very well, Luke. Come in.'
5 minutes later there was another caller. 'Who is it?' Jesus asked.
'It's Matthew.'
Jesus opened the door.
'What did you bring, Matthew'
'Cocaine from Columbia.'
'Very well, Matthew. Come in.'
A few minutes later, another caller turned up.'Who is it?'asked Jesus.
'It's John'
Jesus opened the door.
'What did you bring, John.'
'Crack from New York.'
'Very well, John. Come in.'
Ten minutes later, there was another knock at the door. 'Who is it?' asked Jesus.
'It's Judas.'
Jesus opened the door.
'What did you bring, Judas?'
'The FBI. OK, you motherfuckers! Everybody up against the wall!'

[spronk]

Three guys die and go to heaven. St. Peter says "Listen - we're having a really busy century, so we need to manage admissions tightly. Right now we can only admit people who have died in horrible fashions, and those who have died in a more mundane way will have to wait in limbo, and it could take a decade or two to work you in."

So St. Peter takes aside the first man, and asks him how he died.
"Well, I'd been suspicious of my wife having an affair for some time now, so today I came home from work early. I just knew the guy was in my apartment, but I couldn't find him. I looked everywhere and was just about to give up, when I went out on the balcony of my 23rd story apartment and there he was hanging over the edge! He was just barely hanging on, there was no way he could climb back onto the balcony. It was a really stupid place to try to hide. I was livid, so I started punching him and clawing at his fingers, but he held on. Finally I went to get a hammer and started pounding on his fingers, and he fell down. But what really angered me was that he landed in some bushes and fell to the ground dazed, but basically OK! I was so mad I grabbed the refrigerator, threw it off the balcony and it landed on him. Unfortunately I was so riled up by the incident I had a heart attack and died."

St. Peter was taken aback, and said "While you did die in a dramatic fashion, I think we need to look at that whole second degree murder before we let you in - off to limbo with you." He then approached the second man and asked him how he had died.

"I was riding my exercise bike on the balcony of my 24th story apartment, when the thing broke and threw me over the railing! I grabbed furiously at the railing and slipped, but managed to catch on the balcony below mine. I tried to climb up but it just wasn't possible. I thought I was going to fall but then someone came out on the balcony. I thought he would help me, until he started hitting me! I held on as best I could, but when he got a hammer and started hitting me I finally couldn't hold on anymore and fell. Somehow, though, I fell in some bushes and fell to the ground dazed, but basically OK! Just as I'm coming around, I look up and BAM this refrigerator lands on me. So here I am."

St. Peter immediately admitted this second man to heaven, and pulled aside the third man and asked him for his story.

"Picture this: I'm hiding naked in a refrigerator..."

[Quineloe]

Makata's version actually has 2 punchlines and is probably funnier. Too bad he completly butchered it with his inane writing.

[Agraza]

Originally Posted by Radahr Manasponge

You know you've lived in Florida too long when:

Fuck yes.