Good Jokes - Post some

[Rush]

These jokes are what I refer to as "Old Man Jokes"

A man goes to the doctor feeling ill.

The doctor runs a few tests and finally comes to a conclusion about the patient's illness.

The doctor then tells the patient what he needs to do...

In the morning, I need you to take these red pills with a big glass of water.
In the afternoon, I need you to take these green pills with a big glass of water.
In the evening, I need you to take these blue pills with a big glass of water.

The patient says; Ok doc, I can handle that, but what in the hell is wrong with me?

The doctor replies, you're just not drinking enough water!


Do you know what I saw?
Wood.

Do you know what I heard (herd)?
Sheep.

You know how geese fly in a V shape. Did you ever notice that one line of geese is longer than the other? Do you know why that is?

There is more geese in that line.

[Ginn]

What's green and red and orange and purple and pink and yellow and hanging from a tree?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Its my nigger and I'll paint him whatever color I want

[taebin]

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Nothing, they're both stuck up cunts.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

We killed the only one with a dream.

[Rush]

What is the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

I take my boots off before I jump on a trampoline

[Ginn]

What are the top 3 most common lies in Wyoming?

3) "Of course I won that belt buckle in a rodeo"

2) "Yup, that truck is paid for"

1) "Honest officer I was just trying to help that sheep over the fence"

[homsar]

Originally Posted by Makata

A young boy goes up to his father and asks him, "Dad, what's the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The dad thinks about this for a moment and replies, "Son, go ask your brother, sister, and mother if they would have sex with brad pitt for a million dollars. So the son asks his brother, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" to which he immediately replies "Hell no, im not a faggot...We'll for a million dollars. Sure i'de do it" The boy then walks away to his sister and asks her, "Sis, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" to which she replied "Oh Definitely". The son nods and walks away.The boy then walks up to his mother and asks "Mom, would you sleep with brad pitt for a Million dollars?" The mom replied "Hell yeah, I'de do him for free. But sure give me the million dollars,"

The boy returns to his father and tells them there answers but still does not understand. The dad responds, Potentially son we are sitting on 3 million dollars. Realistically you're brothers a faggot you sisters a slut and your moms a whore.

Fixed with my version. 8/

[Opulis]

I like the silly ones!

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

whassabi?!

[Fogel]

A peurto rican walks into a hick bar down south, sits down at the bar and says, "give me a coors light". So the bartender pulls out a coors light, throws it up in the air, shoots the cap off, catches it, hands it to the peurto rican and says "taste the rockies!"

A black guy then walks in, sits down next to the rican, and says "gimme a budweiser". So the bartender pulls out a budweiser, throws it up in the air, shoots the cap off, catches it, hands it to the black guy and says "this buds for you!"

One of the bartenders hick friends then walks in, sits down next to the rican and black guy and says "gimme an old millwakee" So the bartender pulls out an old millwakee, throws it in the air, shoots the spick, shoots the nigger, shoots the cap off, catches it, hands it to the hick and says "life don't get better then this!"

[9n1or9]

Originally Posted by Ronne

Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.

Hum the Jeopardy theme song in your head, that's about how long it took me to get this one. Even after coffee. *sigh*

Three cowboys make camp for the night on the prairie. As night falls, they begin sipping whiskey and telling tall tales of bravado.

The first cowboy says, "I tell you what, I'm the toughest sumbitch there is. This one time I was out driving cattle, and stopped off at the river for a drink. Now I didn't see it, but a 10 foot water moccasin jumped out and locked onto my arm and started pumping venom into me. Know what I did? I grabbed that sumbitch, pulled him off my arm, bit his head off, and cooked the rest of him for supper. Slept like a baby that night, I did."

The second cowboy , not to be outdone, says, "Hell that ain't nuthin. This one time I was ridin' rodeo, on the meanest dajum bull alive. He was 8 foot at the shoulder, weighed 2000 pound. I stayed on for the full 8, hopped off, and when that sumbitch swung around to get a gore on me, I punched him right in the head and knocked him out."

Listening to all of this, the third cowboy remained silent, quietly stoking the campfire coals with his penis.

edit: added joke

[Stil]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One asks the other- "Does this taste funny to you?"

[Jadaki]

Originally Posted by Sole

Racist jokes inc... don't read these if you can't get a sunburn

Black people can get sunburn.

[Ham n Cheese]

People crying racism need to get the fuck out of screenshots

[Venjenz]

What's the difference between a washing machine and a woman?

You can dump a load into a washing machine without having it call you every day.


Guy goes to the doctor and complains that his wife is really in a bad way, forgetting things, acting crazy, etc. The doctor listens as he describes all the symptoms and tells him that his wife either has Alzheimer's or syphilis. The man asks how would he know which it is? The doctor answers "Easy, just drive her out to the country in the middle of nowhere. If she finds her way back home, don't fuck her."

[Dabamf]

How do you wink at a black person?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

*Hold up an imaginary rifle with a scope*

[Klevari]

Why does cali have earthquakes and DC has black people?















Cali got first pick