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10-25-2007, 03:32 PM
| #31 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 47
| A man named Bob, who has lived a very sinful life dies and goes down to hell. As he walks past the gates, he is greeted by a tall brooding man. "Are you the devil?" the man asked sheepishly. "I am. I am here to ensure your damnation for eternity for your sins on earth. Since your transgressions were only minor, you are allowed to choose your suffering. Please follow me." he replied. After walking a short distance down the street they came a house. Inside was a young man being torn to pieces by demons, only to reappear fully formed minutes later and have the process repeated, screaming in agony all the while. "Is this the damnation you choose?" the devil asked. "I don't think so, lets keep looking." The next house the pair entered contained a middle aged man being pecked by crows, in a similar fashion to the first, being unable to end his torment. "I'm sorry satan, im still not feeling this whole torture thing, can we look at some more?" The third house they approached, Bob Entered to find a man who looked to be about 75 with an absolutely stunningly gorgeous blond giving him oral sex. Bob was taken by her beauty, she had a perfect ass, gorgeous breasts and she really knew what she was doing. "Is that what you would prefer?" satan inquired. "Oh, most definetly, she is gorgeous!" "Alright" Satan replied, "Sarah, you can leave now." |
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10-25-2007, 04:04 PM
| #34 (permalink) |
| Say word  Join Date: May 2005 Location: NoVa
Posts: 1,768
| A woman, unsatisfied with her sex life, goes to the doctor. "Excuse me, I was wondering, do you have pills that would increase my husbands sex drive? Or make him last longer? Or... The doctor cuts her off "Mam, honestly I'm not supposed to tell you about this but we do have a new experimental drug that might do just what you want. I cant vouch for it, but I could give you a bottle under the table, in the name of research, as it were. Just dissolve one pill in a drink. No more than one pill. "Great thanks" "And be sure to come back and tell me how it worked" "Ok" The woman returns the doctor the next day, clearly excited. "How did it g- "We had the best sex ever! What happens if i give him two pills?!" "Well, I'm not sure really, I would reccomend against doing it, but if you do, come back and tell me about it." The woman returns the next day, walking funny. "Better! It was better, Im going to give him the whole bottle." "Mam, do not give him the whole bottle, this is an experimental drug, we have no idea the side effects- And she turned and walked out. A few days go by and the doctor becomes concerned. On the 3rd day a young girl walks into the office, crying, holding the empty bottle of pills. Sniff. "Excuse me, sir, are you the man that gave my mom this medicine?" Taken back. "Why, yes, yes I am, where is your mom now?" Sniffle. "My mom, my mom is dead. And I'm pregnant. And my brother wont stop complaining that his butt hurts. And my dad, hes at home, chasing the cat saying 'Here kitty kitty kitty'.
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10-25-2007, 04:09 PM
| #36 (permalink) | |
| Say word Join Date: May 2005 Location: NoVa
Posts: 1,768
| Quote:
"Well I guess I can get used to the smell" said Bob. With that the devil ushered him inside. As Bob trudged through the shit he heard the devil over his shoulder. "Time is up boys, back to standing on your heads."
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10-25-2007, 04:13 PM
| #38 (permalink) | |
| Come on inside, n' meet the missus  Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In self-exile
Posts: 2,242
+25 Internets | What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
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10-25-2007, 04:17 PM
| #39 (permalink) | |
| Registered User  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Redding, Ca
Posts: 2,784
+45 Internets | Quote:
__________________ Tyen is a power hungry admin. He abused his power and hacked his internets. Give him -internets to offset this injustice. | |
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10-25-2007, 04:24 PM
| #40 (permalink) |
| Registered User  Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Texas
Posts: 584
| Racist jokes inc... don't read these if you can't get a sunburn, or have absolutely zero sense of humor. How can you tell when a bunch of pink flamingos just moved next door? Spoiler Alert, click show to read: What's black up close but white from far away? Spoiler Alert, click show to read: Last edited by Sole; 10-25-2007 at 04:34 PM.. |
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10-25-2007, 04:40 PM
| #42 (permalink) |
| Registered User Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 409
| This polish guy was walking home from work when he passed a flower cart, so he decided to buy some flowers for his wife. When he got home he gave her the flowers. She asks "what're these for?" and he responds "because I love you" So later that night when he gets out of the shower he sees his wife stork naked laying spread eagle on the bed. He asks "whats this for?" she responds "its for the flowers" and then he says "but don't you have a vase?" |
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10-25-2007, 05:11 PM
| #44 (permalink) | ||
| Johnny Fucking Headshot  Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,426
| Quote:
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10-25-2007, 06:01 PM
| #45 (permalink) |
| King for a night  Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Harvard IL
Posts: 5,014
+13 Internets  | Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks. Horse walks into a bar, bartender says 'why the long face?' What do you say when your TV floats away at night? Spoiler Alert, click show to read: What did the mexican firefighter name his two sons? Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
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