How do you know it was a good party? (Turkey Talk)

[FoghornDeadhorn]

You know it was a good party

• When the Border Patrol shows up and promises "I'll be back..."
  
• You know it was a good party when you have the following conversation:
  
  "They told me you were pouring beer on me."
  
  "...they did?.....I was?"
  
  "...I guess..."
  
  "...huh..."
  
  "I remember changing..."
  
  "I remember you covered with beer."
  
• You know it was a good party when you wake up on the couch, and the host's roommate has taken his stereo, CD rack, and PS2 home to his mother.
  
• You know it was a good party when the refrigerator door is covered with blood. Mostly around the places a person would open it.
  
• You know it was a good party when people who work with people who work with people who were at the party look at you, grin, and shake their head for no apparent reason.
  
• You know it was a good party when you can recall spelling out "P-O-O-S-A-E" (to clarify the pronunciation) and directing towards all the poosaes who drank less than a quart of rum.

And you?


Part II: Advice to the drinker

Telling an Irish man to "mix mine strong" is like telling President Bush "I don't want us coming out of this looking like a bunch of pussies."

No matter how drunk you are, it never becomes more OK to mix prodigious amounts of liquor with beer, sweets, fruit, and whatever the fuck ever else it occurs to you to add to what might generally be considered a volatile volume of Cuervo Gold and Bacardi 151...than it was last time five times you passed out repeatedly on the front lawn on a busy four-lane road, being careful not to land in any of the number of places you vomited, and got driven home to your friend's mom's (concealing your drunkenness through the living room most uberleetly) where you slept with a very prudent towel next to the sofa-bed.

Are you the type to impersonate George Thorogood from time to time? Have access to the internet? An activated account on the FoH boards? After drinking one of these:

You might be inclined to post something like this:

That makes total sense. I vote for you as President. Fuck having your only goal be PHAT LEWTZ. Fuck having your fun be socializing with your guild. Fuck logging on to see your stats, and pulling Frozen Moses just so you can defeat AoW -- I mean, what the fuck is with that? The Bible doesn't even exist in EQ. What's next -- Krishna defeating Thrall? I've got some news for you: Vishnu doesn't give a shit about Norrath or Azeroth. When I go through the Dark Portal I expect hookers, and the MMO equivalent of Total Annihiltion -- 255 units per side. You heard that right, bitch. It's not a zerg raid when 150 of them are metal extractors, is it?!?

*shakes head*

Have you seen Requiem for a Dream? No? Have a hangover? Been borrowing it for the last three weeks? Now is not the time. Look, seriously, don't fucking do it. What, are you masochistic or something? Are you in love with pain? Was pulling over to the side of the road six hours after you stopped drinking so you could puke some more not enough punishment, not enough penance for your Sabbath-defiling drunkenness? What the fuck is wrong with you??

Vomitously ill? After the first eighteen times, it should occur to you that water is not what your body wants ATM.


Well, pending what I certainly hope are pwning contributions, I close with, You Do it Like This:

Get your friends together. Go to Taco Bell. Taco Bell is the magical food -- I have never upchucked Taco Bell, and Taco Bell has seen plenty of my abuse. Go, bring back a healthy bag of burritos and whatnot, and big plastic cups with Pepsi -- this is important -- make it one for everyone, you cheap bastard. You should have at least one 2-Liter of Pepsi in the fridge and some Kentucky Straight Bourbon in the freezer. It goes like this: chug, chug, chase, pass. The separate Pepsi cups are important so that no judging goes on regarding whether anyone is taking a poosae amount of chaser with their whiskey. That is then left to the cats drinking straight. Play some games. Kick some ass. If some...woman shows up at the door, don't let her change the music, she's just gonna pass out in fifteen anyway. After keeping everyone up until sunup drinking and cussing each-other out, make sure to wake them up for kickoff. Sadism is part of the deal. Parties are hit and miss. Grog and games with the boys is pretty much a homerun. It is not recommended, however, if you are doing this on a Friday night, that you do it on a night you have Saturday school. It just really is not.

Latest party screenshots...may be incoming...they haven't developed yet, and I really have no idea how incriminating they are yet

Peace

--Foghorn

[FanBuss]

Uh, that was dumb. Those arent signs of a good party at all.

[Asmadai]

Sounds fun to me, Turkey is yum.

[masteen]

The real sign of a great party is waking up sammiched between 2 hot girls you don't know.

[Samus Aran]

Don't listen to Buss, Foggy. His idea of a good party is when the drag queens he stalks let the restraining orders lapse.

Some funny shit. Taco Bell does the job right - lots of grease and protein to keep you from rolfing. And the

P-O-O-S-A-E

part made me lol irl.

[Froofy-D]

Here's some based on personal experience:

- when at least one person wakes up the next morning with shaved off eyebrows and is wearing someone else's girlfriend's underwear.

- When some girl is walking around with no top or bra on asking "are you Jose?" (her boyfriend). One of the funniest things I've ever heard is when she asked some guy, and he goes "No I'm Hose B".

- When some dude at the party eats an entire bottle of flintstones vitamins and vomits neon purple on the kitchen floor.

- When a game of "Dance of the Flaming Asshole" is being played (squeeze a piece of toilet paper between buttcheecks, set it on fire, and see who can hold it there the longest).

- When some dude smacks a girl in the face with his cock in front of everyone.

- When the daughter of the Dean of my high school had a house party (her parents were gone) this one guy took a shit in the front seat of the Dean's car...

[Khalikryst]

- When a police cruiser ends up in the river...

Mainly because said cop was actually a University rent-a-dick dispatched to one of our block parties to tell us to "simmer down now" and:

a) left doors unlocked
b) left keys in ignition
c) parked car on hill facing said river
d) left car unattended to go inside house to harass people for an extended period of time

[FanBuss]

No that's not my idea of a party Samus. Neither is this wang-fest of a party either.

[Magnum PI]

Damnit! Why does Foghorn only post when he's drunk or high!? I got a head ache trying to follow all that.

Oh and Froofy-D rules cause he gots Mr. Lemmiewinks.

[FoghornDeadhorn]

Originally posted by Doc
Damnit! Why does Foghorn only post when he's drunk or high!?

Only drunk sometimes and not high for quite some time...but if you think it hurts your head to read, try being there. And don't miss the advice about Requiem, it's very serious...woooooohh......

Turkey owns me. If you've ever thought "I like Turkey, but I wonder how Fighting Cock is?" (another Kentucky Straight) skip it. They'll all taste the same to the rookie, the amateur, but to the Whiskey Connoisseur -- bleh. The boy was lucky he also brought Tim's Cascade Jalapeño Chips and some spinach dip to break even. You want to impress the guys who have influence over your new girlfriend -- "He brought Fighting Cock and likes Linkin Park. Get rid of him."

[Skidogg]

Good read, thumbs up!

[Heylel Teomim]

My hardest night ever of drinking was last New Year's Eve. We threw a house party in downtown Atlanta for our friends, and about three times as many people showed up as we expected, around 50 people in an old style mill home, Atlanta folks will know the type. I have no recollection at all of the night beyond 10pm, and the hour or two before that is just a haze (I had been given a bottle of Gentleman Jack for christmas the week before. It did not survive the night).

Next morning I woke up in unimaginable pain, my room was absolutely trashed, and I had to piece together the events of the previous night. Apparently our living room where all the expensive stereo and movie shit was had become a mosh pit, someone had actually uprooted a six foot section of the neighbor's fence and set fire to it in the grill on the driveway (it wasn't broken up. Found the door handle in the damn grill the next morning), and some chick had been using the bathroom to suck off guys in exchange for cocaine. It got... intense.

But I do look forward to Halloween =)

Heylel

[findar]

ive done that pour ur drink all over someone thing.

[Samus Aran]

Originally posted by Samus Aran
Don't listen to Buss, Foggy. His idea of a good party is when the drag queens he stalks let the restraining orders lapse.

WTF! Who wouldn't find that fun?

Just wait til the drag queen finds the goat hanging by it's scrotum in the shower. THEN it's a party.

[Guild Lackey]

I have parties with 100-150+ attendence weakly., my largest being about 500 throughout the night. It was the only time, I've actually had to turn people away outside, and only because all 3 floors of my house were literally packed. I'll be having a big one tonight (fri) and I'll try to remember to take some pics.