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Old 10-08-2009, 05:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
Zistrix
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Don't Even Reply
Good shit! Craigslist fun!

E-mails from an Asshole

Quote:
Free Couch
Posted at: 2009-09-25 14:37:58 | 127 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
I WANT YOUR COUCH
IF ANYONE HAS AN UNWANTED COUCH I CAN COME GET IT. WILL TRAVEL UP TO 20 MINUTES FROM CONSHOHOCKEN. PLEASE SEND PICTURES. THANKS
From Me to **********@*********.org:

Hi there! You can have my couch if you are still looking for one. Let me know! You can either e-mail me or call me.

Mike

From Juan ********* to Me:

HI MIKE

I STILL NEED YOUR COUCH.
HOW BIG IS IT?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES?
WHY DO YOU NOT WANT IT ANY MORE?

YOU DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER SO I CANT CALL YOU.

From Me to Juan *********:

Juan,

The couch can seat three normal people, or two fat people. I don't have any pictures because my camera is broken (I didn't realize it was in the garbage disposal when I turned on the switch.)

I am getting rid of the couch because my grandfather passed away on it a few weeks ago. Every time I look at it, I am reminded of it, and I would rather it not be in my apartment anymore. Just give me a call and we can set up a time for you to come get it.

Mike

From Juan ********* to Me:

MIKE IS THE COUCH STILL IN GOOD CONDITION. YOU STILL DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER.

From Me to Juan *********:

Juan,

The couch is still in very good condition. There are only a few minor blemishes, but you can't really notice them. There is a little bit of blood on the couch and a pool of blood on the middle cushion from when my grandfather shot himself. I tried cleaning it with club soda, but it had really soaked into the fabric by the time I found him. The blood dried though, and now it is kind of a brown-ish color that I think actually makes the couch look better. It is a brown couch anyway so you can't even notice it.

Mike

From Juan ********* to Me:

NO THANKS

From Me to Juan *********:

Why not? I thought we had a deal. Is it because of the blood? You can just turn the cushion over and nobody will have any idea.

From Juan ********* to Me:

THE COUCH IS COVERED IN BLOOD WHO WOULD WANT THAT?
GROSS!

From Me to Juan *********:

Don't put words in my mouth. I never said it was covered in blood - it just has a little blood here and there.

I did forget to mention, I believe my grandfather defecated on the couch when he died (the paramedics say it happens all the time.) I cleaned most of that up, but once again the couch is brown so you won't even notice it.

And this probably isn't a big deal, but he also had a cigar in his mouth and when he died it set part of the couch on fire. On the plus side, it did burn away some of the old urine stains that the couch had on it. The couch no longer smells like urine. It kind of smells like a barbecue, which is great if you love barbecues.

From Juan ********* to Me:

THAT COUCH IS FUCKED
THROW IT OUT!

From Me to Juan *********:

Why would you waste my time if you weren't going to take the couch? I'm sick of having to deal with people like you. I'm just trying to get rid of a decent couch, for free, and still people are wasting my time.

From Juan ********* to Me:

IF YOU TOLD ME UP FRONT THAT SOME ONE DIED AND SHIT ALL OVER YUOR COUCH THAN I WOULNT HAVE WASTED ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME!!
DONT YOU SPIN THIS ON ME BY TELING ME THE COUCH LOOKS GOOD WITH BLOOD OR SMELLS LIKE A BBQ. WHO THE FUCK WANTS A COUCCH THAT SMELLS LIKE BBQ IF I WANTED TO SMELL BBQ I WOULD BUY A FUCKING GRILL

From Me to Juan *********:

Would you be interested in the grill I am selling then? It is a CharCooker 500 and has three burners. Two of them don't work because my grandfather shot at the grill when he was drunk, but the middle burner still cooks food really well. I'm asking $400 for it, and for you, I'll throw in a couch for free.

From Juan ********* to Me:

I DONT WANT YOUR USELESS SHIT GUY!!!!
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:18 PM   #2 (permalink)
Ancalagon
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Been posted, good job.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Utnayan View Post
And Cupshit, if you do not think Freerealms was made to target female gamers, you are the biggest fucking lesbain gothic fuck your way in idiot that I have ever seen on the internet.
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
Zistrix
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ancalagon View Post
Been posted, good job.
I searched for it and nothing. Rickshaw if it has indeed been posted.
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
EmpireF4i
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Found it on my first search.

http://www.fohguild.org/forums/scree...hlight=asshole
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GrobbeeTrull2.0 View Post
If you can stomach it, most chicks I've been with absolutely go bananas when you blow your load in them, go down on them, make them cum, suck it out, and feed it to them in a big wet kiss.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrobbeeTrull2.0
Hey guys! SEMEN SEMEN SEMEN! Om nom nom.
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Old 10-08-2009, 06:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
Szlia
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I reply if I want to!
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Old 10-08-2009, 08:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
Zistrix
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I was searching for The website name.
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Szlia View Post
I reply if I want to!
I can leave your friends behind!
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
Malakriss
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I do not see the picture option for Worf facepalming, cutting his hand on his cranial ridges, ceremonially painting his batliff with the blood and brutally slaughtering the OP
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:57 PM   #9 (permalink)
James
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tuco View Post
I can leave your friends behind!
Cause your friends don't reply, and if they don't reply well they're no friends of mine.
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Like a ship without an anchor, like a slave without a chain, just the thought of those sweet ladies sends a shiver through my veins. And I will go on shining, shining like brand new. I'll never look behind me, my troubles will be few.

Goodbye stranger, it's been nice. Hope you find your paradise. Tried to see your point of view, hope your dreams will all come true. Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane, will we ever meet again? Feel no sorrow, feel no shame. Come tomorrow, feel no pain.
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Old 10-08-2009, 10:27 PM   #10 (permalink)
Grimmlokk
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RRRREEEEPPPPLLLLYYYY
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Old 10-08-2009, 11:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
eli809
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Old 10-09-2009, 05:55 AM   #12 (permalink)
Blumpster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eli809 View Post
Hahaha, that kid....wow.
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Old 10-09-2009, 06:32 AM   #13 (permalink)
Screamfeeder
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OMFG U GUIZ SEEN DIS?!?!
Hamster Dance
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Old 10-09-2009, 06:38 AM   #14 (permalink)
Simas
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We got defstar! We got defstar!

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Old 10-09-2009, 10:24 AM   #15 (permalink)
Sutekh
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Screamfeeder View Post
OMFG U GUIZ SEEN DIS?!?!
Hamster Dance
Hahaha, that hamster....wow.
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