Pooping

[Immy]

Originally Posted by brekk

how do you not, unless you wipe back to forwards... in which case you're risking shit on your balls. FUCK THAT.

Well when you stand up your asscheeks tend to push themselves together. I don't think I need to get any more vivid in detail than that. Or should I?

[Tyen]

I can take 30 sec poops, no problem. Actually a few hours ago I was at the bar with Req and I took a speedy dump and he goes "wtf."

True story.

[Yutnopash]

Originally Posted by Mcpickle Deluxe

One time, after I bought Final Fantasy Revenant Wings or whatever, I went to sit on the pot after eating Thai food. I played that Nintendo DS until I finished 3-4 missions, which didn't seem like that long of a time. However, upon standing up, or trying to stand up, I found that my legs were 100% numb, and I fell flat on my face, shitty ass up, saving my DS by holding it up above my head like a soldier keeping his gun powder dry.

I need a voting option for that.

That's hilarious...

I never read anything, occasionally if it feels like its gonna be akin to giving birth through my asshole to some god forsaken poop monster(After certain ethnic cuisines and/or eateries, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), I'll lug the PSP in with me. Also, wtf at wiping while seated?

[Lenas]

I've tried both ways and I gotta say, it seems to get the job done faster when sitting. I would consistently wipe less. I tilted instead of standing, maybe that was the problem. I don't see how standing would help much though. I don't like the idea of smudging shit around.

Related:
I take my time.

Random Salad - Geek Culture Webozine » How to Wipe Your Ass

[Azrayne]

Uhm, I've never taken more than 2 minutes or so to take a dump, and I don't know anyone who does :| Do you people only take a dump once a week or something?

[Lenas]

I'm usually every other day. Unless I've been drinking beer, then it's twice a day. I get bad cases of beer farts / shits.

[Goliath]

Originally Posted by Blank

At work, I take my time. Everywhere else, I'm in and out.

At work I will be texting, checking my email, reading the news, both national and world. I will make origami out of toilet paper, I will create complex storylines for books and movies and I discover 1,000 new species of wall, ceiling and tile shapes each time.

At home I shit, wipe (if there's not one spec I do a powerup with my fist and smile) and feel good about being outta there in less than 60 seconds at times. When I wipe and there's a massive smear I get really disappointed, sigh and shut the door.

[dak]

Forward to back, squatting while pulling your left ass cheek first wipe, right ass cheek second wipe.

If you have access to water to wet the paper you wipe once with dry to get the bulk (so you don't have wet shit dribbling down your leg), next you wipe with the wet toilet paper twice spreading both ass cheeks one after the other, then you do a final dry run.

If you don't have access to water you wipe till there isn't any brown on the paper then when you get a clean run you take that paper and indent it over a finger, probe a few centimeters (don't penetrate) and rotate a bit.

If you get hash marks you need to wipe better.

[Zarcath]

Tyen you jerk how could you vote for poop on my face

[Utne^_^]

Depends on my diet, really, but I'm a bit obsessive compulsive when it comes to wiping, so that tends to take a lot longer than the dump.

[Goliath]

Originally Posted by dak

If you don't have access to water you wipe till there isn't any brown on the paper then when you get a clean run you take that paper and indent it over a finger, probe a few centimeters (don't penetrate) and rotate a bit.

If you get hash marks you need to wipe better.

If you do this it can take all day long though. Of course I have the habit of doing it and so when I do actually have to wipe it usually takes a while, but I'm one clean mfer.

P.S. I have hilarious moments when I do use a public bathroom (very rare) where I need water and nobody is in the entire bathroom so I make a dash, pants around legs to the water out of the stall with a wad of toilet paper and back before anyone comes in. So far I've never been caught, but I have a feeling my time will come.

[NargorothRiP]

Raiding in EQ really taught me the zen art of raid dumping. I could lay down a proton torpedo sized deuce in under 30 seconds.

[Rathmort]

The actual shitting part usually takes me less time than it does to have a piss, its just the wiping that takes the time. I quite often polish off a deuce quicker than a female I'm out with can take a piss.

Also: wiping while standing up?! Don't your ass cheeks push together, leaving no access to the beshitted area?

EDIT: Lots of people in that link above don't check the paper after each wipe, and just go for an arbitrary number of passes. This seems crazy to me...

[The Ancient]

Originally Posted by Lenas

Random Salad - Geek Culture Webozine » How to Wipe Your Ass

Oh. My. God.

A college friend from Columbia said she had to put out “The Spoon” when her parents came to visit, ’cause they wouldn’t use toilet paper. Apparently this is more of a wedge that is used to scrape out the excrement. “The Spoon” is kept in a little tray on the back of the toilet.

[Akileese]

Originally Posted by Froofy-D

Pooping fast must be an Asian thing. I had this one Chinese guy at my old work who would go in the stall and was out in 2 minutes. He must have only wiped 2-3 times which is kind of gross.

I knew this kid who's mom was a power pooper. She was in and out in like 2 minutes tops. It was pretty damn impressive.