Mmo Player Types - a satire

wamphyr · 08-08-2005, 06:32 PM

Have you bumped into people refusing to do anything but PvP? Ever bumped into the player in the backyards that gives you a free lecture on how to play even though you know how? Met that guy on a quest that will venture on his own oblivious to the train of mobs on his butt? Then you have met these people. Unfortunately.

WoW (or any other mmorpg ) Player Types..

PvP-Pete

Pvp-Pete was born for destruction, bred for war and will try his best to demonstrate this in the battlegrounds . With his trusty lifestealing enchanted weapon , he smashes everything within a radius of 4 miles into smithereens.

PvP-Pete doesnt care much about levelling, experience or money. Those are futile pursuit in his mind. As long as he can get his Grandmaster title as fast as possible, PvP-Pete is content.

PvP-Pete hates shamans , other warriors, rogues and just about anyone that lives more than 2 seconds after he starts hitting on them. If Pete were to have his way, there would be PvP everywhere, even in instances, so he could clobber his unsuspecting teammembers with his big hammer and stealing all their loot.

PvP-Pete frequently has wet dreams about being able to twink into purple armor like Wrath set and will complain loudly that there is no such thing as a level-buff. His idea of a moderate weapon is one that has all special-attacks including AOE-nukes and that can kill people on nearby servers.

Whiner Wayne

Wayne is one of the more annoying types there is. Wayne will complain loud and often about the bugs in the game, even if he has to make them up before complaining about them. He might start off whining about one thing only to end up in a totally different discussion ending up whining at something else instead. Favourite subjects are shamans , Arcanite Reaper Warriors and the fact that he cant cast all his spells at level 14. And whats with this dungeon instance thing anyway?! Impossible to solo bosses 50 levels above you!

Facts isn't something Wayne deals with on a daily basis. Most facts are boring anyway and its more fun to think up imaginary bugs and design flaws and complain about those instead. If there is nothing to complain about - he will complain about that intead.

Wayne thankfully enough doesnt last long. He will troll the boards for about a month before he realizes noone is willing to listen to him. Wayne then goes into the game to tell all his friends why he is going to quit it, and then complain about where the Cancel button is.

Erica Explorer

Erica the explorer looks at anything but exploring like most people would look at something the cat dragged in. If its not possible to explore, its not worth it.

Erica realizes that she needs to level to be able to explore more, however, her habit of looking at the scenery and textures in the instance more than fighting has gotten her kicked from 20 teams and gotten her killed more than 80 times. Today.

Erica will go to great lengths to show her remarkable talent for pathfinding, even in zones she hasnt still been. Erica will take people far into contested zones, promising them a great view, regardless of if the great view is the waterfalls in Stranglethorn vale or a small green pebble surrounded by red aggro mobs in Un'goro Crater.

Erica the Explorer wants to know everything there is about every mob, zone, quest, dungeon, epic, weapon and armor there is to know. If not, how can she possibly know the weak spots? Maybe the wolfs in northshire abbey WILL drop Glowing Brigewood Staff if she only kills enough of them. Never know. On the other hand, there is no proof that the wolfs cant nuke her for 12000 Fire damage either...

Cheater Charles

Charles motto is "Win if you can, lose if you must but always cheat". Charles is a bottomless pit of cheats, dirty tricks and exploits. Charles lurks in the shadows, lives in darkness and gets kicked where the sun don't shine when found out.

The life-expectancy of Cheater Charles in a team is 4 nanoseconds - until he starts asking what exploit they will be getting XP with. Cheater Charles knows twentyseven ways of getting XP without having to use his mouse, one even involves telepathy.

If Cheater Charles were left to his own devices he would be level 600 right now, plowing around in dualwielded Arcanite Reapers on his druid with over 50 billion gold to his name. Unfortunately for him, crime doesnt pay.

Uber Ulf

Uber Ulf has one goal. To become Uber. Anything short of being able to solo Onixia at level 40 with his gnome mage is being gimpy. Ulf will go to great lenghts using meditation, heavy drug-use and caffeine to stay up all night twinking his character to get those extra 5 HP on, which are vital for him surviving that extra nanosecond.

Uber Ulf has armor and equipment other people can only dream about because he quit his job to be more uber, because as we all know, more gametime means that you automatically get more uber. And Uber is what Ulf wants to be. Believe you me.

Uber Ulf cannot imagine how it is to play the game without 27000 HP, 12000 AC and a complete heal every two seconds and will call everyone regardless of level gimps.

Ulf looks down on everyone in the game, including himself should he get hit once. Should Ulf die he will restart his character because dying is for gimps, not for Ulf. Ulf wouldnt even dream of paying gold to reset talents because it would mean he made a mistake, and Uber people don't make mistakes, they let gimps make them for them.

The last words of Uber Ulf soloing Onixia is often enough "You cant kill me! I'm ub..aaarrrhhhgghh!"

Tammy Teachyou

Tammy spends most of her time explaining things to other people. It doesnt matter if the person Tammy is teaching already knows the subject, Tammy will go to great lenghts to make sure she has everything covered so she doesnt have to explain it again (which she often ends up doing since most people fall asleep halfways through the lecture)

Tammy will make sure her (often unwilling) student is aware of what happens if they do one thing rather than another and what impact it will have on their stats, abilities, mental health and monetary assets.

If Tammy doesnt know anything about the subject, she will try to divert her pupils attention to a subject she does know about, often belittling the issue at hand. "Why would you want to PvP, when PvE is so much more rewarding" is one of her favourite phrases. Needless to say, Tammy Teachyou and PvP-Pete doesnt get along very well.

Adapted for WoW by yours trully....

Ps . Comming soon on a more original note ...

Hung Rang Rang the farmer
Timmy The Paladin
Megan the Magina

and more... stay tuned

Murr · 08-08-2005, 06:39 PM

.............

Dandai · 08-08-2005, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murr

.............

quoted for truth

Arbitrary · 08-08-2005, 06:44 PM

Hi, I discovered alliteration today.

Designz · 08-08-2005, 06:58 PM

May Two Thousand and Five?

tjac · 08-08-2005, 07:00 PM

i wish i could be an Erica Explorer -- i'd be forever happy =/

Angrier · 08-08-2005, 07:00 PM

That's a horrible write-up. I don't think I've ever met a character that fit any of those stereotypes, ever.

Hateyou · 08-08-2005, 07:04 PM

That was terrible. Smack whoever you copy/pasted that from.

wamphyr · 08-08-2005, 07:08 PM

aw i thought it was funny
You are indeed a crowd hard to please.
edit :

Hmmm a evil voice whispered in my mind "Did they really not enjoyed it or is a knee-jerk reaction to the fact that i am registered on 2005 " .

Stop the voices , Stop THEM !!!!!!!

Mist · 08-08-2005, 07:11 PM

Yeah thats pretty bad. In order for shit to be funny on the internet it needs to include more uses of the words 'gay,' 'fuck' and/or 'retard.' Your post lacks ANY of those.

Skars · 08-08-2005, 07:24 PM

That wasn't funny at all

Linus · 08-08-2005, 07:25 PM

satire n.
1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.
1a. The branch of literature constituting such works. See Synonyms at caricature.
2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.

drivel v.
1. To slobber; drool.
2. To flow like spittle or saliva.
3. To talk stupidly or childishly.

crrimson death · 08-08-2005, 07:38 PM

you forgot analytical alice.

analytical alice picks every aspect of the game apart, and spouts of number crunches involving "to the tenth power". She is clearly a programmer and can tell you exactly how each mechanic of the game works.

She knows all the percentages and rankings and ratios of eveything. period.

SImilar to tammy teachyou, she also feels the need to inform you of her vast data storage brain.

As well as useless information like this.

Alamando · 08-08-2005, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crrimson death

you forgot sam da man deathwalker.

Fixed.7890

Zehn - Vhex · 08-08-2005, 07:51 PM

Erica Explorer is a myth. 90% of females can't find their way around in video games for shit. It's a fact, I've done studies.

08-08-2005, 06:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
wamphyr Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 399 +2 Internets	Mmo Player Types - a satire Have you bumped into people refusing to do anything but PvP? Ever bumped into the player in the backyards that gives you a free lecture on how to play even though you know how? Met that guy on a quest that will venture on his own oblivious to the train of mobs on his butt? Then you have met these people. Unfortunately. WoW (or any other mmorpg ) Player Types.. PvP-Pete Pvp-Pete was born for destruction, bred for war and will try his best to demonstrate this in the battlegrounds . With his trusty lifestealing enchanted weapon , he smashes everything within a radius of 4 miles into smithereens. PvP-Pete doesnt care much about levelling, experience or money. Those are futile pursuit in his mind. As long as he can get his Grandmaster title as fast as possible, PvP-Pete is content. PvP-Pete hates shamans , other warriors, rogues and just about anyone that lives more than 2 seconds after he starts hitting on them. If Pete were to have his way, there would be PvP everywhere, even in instances, so he could clobber his unsuspecting teammembers with his big hammer and stealing all their loot. PvP-Pete frequently has wet dreams about being able to twink into purple armor like Wrath set and will complain loudly that there is no such thing as a level-buff. His idea of a moderate weapon is one that has all special-attacks including AOE-nukes and that can kill people on nearby servers. Whiner Wayne Wayne is one of the more annoying types there is. Wayne will complain loud and often about the bugs in the game, even if he has to make them up before complaining about them. He might start off whining about one thing only to end up in a totally different discussion ending up whining at something else instead. Favourite subjects are shamans , Arcanite Reaper Warriors and the fact that he cant cast all his spells at level 14. And whats with this dungeon instance thing anyway?! Impossible to solo bosses 50 levels above you! Facts isn't something Wayne deals with on a daily basis. Most facts are boring anyway and its more fun to think up imaginary bugs and design flaws and complain about those instead. If there is nothing to complain about - he will complain about that intead. Wayne thankfully enough doesnt last long. He will troll the boards for about a month before he realizes noone is willing to listen to him. Wayne then goes into the game to tell all his friends why he is going to quit it, and then complain about where the Cancel button is. Erica Explorer Erica the explorer looks at anything but exploring like most people would look at something the cat dragged in. If its not possible to explore, its not worth it. Erica realizes that she needs to level to be able to explore more, however, her habit of looking at the scenery and textures in the instance more than fighting has gotten her kicked from 20 teams and gotten her killed more than 80 times. Today. Erica will go to great lengths to show her remarkable talent for pathfinding, even in zones she hasnt still been. Erica will take people far into contested zones, promising them a great view, regardless of if the great view is the waterfalls in Stranglethorn vale or a small green pebble surrounded by red aggro mobs in Un'goro Crater. Erica the Explorer wants to know everything there is about every mob, zone, quest, dungeon, epic, weapon and armor there is to know. If not, how can she possibly know the weak spots? Maybe the wolfs in northshire abbey WILL drop Glowing Brigewood Staff if she only kills enough of them. Never know. On the other hand, there is no proof that the wolfs cant nuke her for 12000 Fire damage either... Cheater Charles Charles motto is "Win if you can, lose if you must but always cheat". Charles is a bottomless pit of cheats, dirty tricks and exploits. Charles lurks in the shadows, lives in darkness and gets kicked where the sun don't shine when found out. The life-expectancy of Cheater Charles in a team is 4 nanoseconds - until he starts asking what exploit they will be getting XP with. Cheater Charles knows twentyseven ways of getting XP without having to use his mouse, one even involves telepathy. If Cheater Charles were left to his own devices he would be level 600 right now, plowing around in dualwielded Arcanite Reapers on his druid with over 50 billion gold to his name. Unfortunately for him, crime doesnt pay. Uber Ulf Uber Ulf has one goal. To become Uber. Anything short of being able to solo Onixia at level 40 with his gnome mage is being gimpy. Ulf will go to great lenghts using meditation, heavy drug-use and caffeine to stay up all night twinking his character to get those extra 5 HP on, which are vital for him surviving that extra nanosecond. Uber Ulf has armor and equipment other people can only dream about because he quit his job to be more uber, because as we all know, more gametime means that you automatically get more uber. And Uber is what Ulf wants to be. Believe you me. Uber Ulf cannot imagine how it is to play the game without 27000 HP, 12000 AC and a complete heal every two seconds and will call everyone regardless of level gimps. Ulf looks down on everyone in the game, including himself should he get hit once. Should Ulf die he will restart his character because dying is for gimps, not for Ulf. Ulf wouldnt even dream of paying gold to reset talents because it would mean he made a mistake, and Uber people don't make mistakes, they let gimps make them for them. The last words of Uber Ulf soloing Onixia is often enough "You cant kill me! I'm ub..aaarrrhhhgghh!" Tammy Teachyou Tammy spends most of her time explaining things to other people. It doesnt matter if the person Tammy is teaching already knows the subject, Tammy will go to great lenghts to make sure she has everything covered so she doesnt have to explain it again (which she often ends up doing since most people fall asleep halfways through the lecture) Tammy will make sure her (often unwilling) student is aware of what happens if they do one thing rather than another and what impact it will have on their stats, abilities, mental health and monetary assets. If Tammy doesnt know anything about the subject, she will try to divert her pupils attention to a subject she does know about, often belittling the issue at hand. "Why would you want to PvP, when PvE is so much more rewarding" is one of her favourite phrases. Needless to say, Tammy Teachyou and PvP-Pete doesnt get along very well. Adapted for WoW by yours trully.... Ps . Comming soon on a more original note ... Hung Rang Rang the farmer Timmy The Paladin Megan the Magina and more... stay tuned __________________ Warrior of Semantic Justice

08-08-2005, 07:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
wamphyr Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 399 +2 Internets	aw i thought it was funny You are indeed a crowd hard to please. edit : Hmmm a evil voice whispered in my mind "Did they really not enjoyed it or is a knee-jerk reaction to the fact that i am registered on 2005 " . Stop the voices , Stop THEM !!!!!!! __________________ Warrior of Semantic Justice Last edited by wamphyr : 08-08-2005 at 07:16 PM.

08-08-2005, 07:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
Linus had the chance to ask the world to dance Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Midlothian Posts: 182 +1 Internets	satire n. 1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit. 1a. The branch of literature constituting such works. See Synonyms at caricature. 2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity. drivel v. 1. To slobber; drool. 2. To flow like spittle or saliva. 3. To talk stupidly or childishly. Last edited by Linus : 08-08-2005 at 07:31 PM.

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08-08-2005, 06:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
Murr Token Gnome Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Chapel Hill, NC Posts: 1,780 +8 Internets	.............

08-08-2005, 06:58 PM	#5 (permalink)
Designz Registered User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Berkeley, CA Posts: 492 -8 Internets	May Two Thousand and Five?

08-08-2005, 07:00 PM	#6 (permalink)
tjac Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 1,163 +0 Internets	i wish i could be an Erica Explorer -- i'd be forever happy =/

08-08-2005, 07:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
Angrier Banned Join Date: May 2002 Location: Your mom's house Posts: 758 +0 Internets	That's a horrible write-up. I don't think I've ever met a character that fit any of those stereotypes, ever.

08-08-2005, 07:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
Hateyou Registered User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 1,916 -2 Internets	That was terrible. Smack whoever you copy/pasted that from.

08-08-2005, 07:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
Mist Extremely Busy DPS Provider Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,375 -56 Internets	Yeah thats pretty bad. In order for shit to be funny on the internet it needs to include more uses of the words 'gay,' 'fuck' and/or 'retard.' Your post lacks ANY of those.

08-08-2005, 07:24 PM	#11 (permalink)
Skars Registered User Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 352 +0 Internets	That wasn't funny at all

08-08-2005, 07:38 PM	#13 (permalink)
crrimson death Registered User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 230 -3 Internets	you forgot analytical alice. analytical alice picks every aspect of the game apart, and spouts of number crunches involving "to the tenth power". She is clearly a programmer and can tell you exactly how each mechanic of the game works. She knows all the percentages and rankings and ratios of eveything. period. SImilar to tammy teachyou, she also feels the need to inform you of her vast data storage brain. As well as useless information like this.

08-08-2005, 07:51 PM	#15 (permalink)
Zehn - Vhex Lord of the Dance Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 6,413 +60 Internets	Erica Explorer is a myth. 90% of females can't find their way around in video games for shit. It's a fact, I've done studies.