Dumb Ass Fantasy Movies

off_world · 12-22-2002, 04:46 PM

Since FOTR & TTT have been released, we are seeing a rebirth of the fantasy genre that Hollywod has butchered since the beginning. So in fairness to the fuck-ups at Hollywood here are some dumb-fuck fantasy movies that peeps in Hollywood thought would be great (this includes any "medieval" films) :

1. Dungeons & Dragons - WTF is this shit?
2. First Knight - Richard Gere as Lancelot? Who's idea was this? Sean Connery as Arthur? No Merlin?
3. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
4. Hawk the Slayer
5. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - 'nuff said on that one
6. Kull the Conqueror
7. The Sword & The Sorcerer - Lee Horsley gets cruxified and he musters up some mega power enabling him to get free and fight half naked with a 3-in-1 sword, Richard Mull is bad guy
8. Yor, Hunter from the Future
9. Ator, the Fighting Eagle
10. Beastmaster 2 - The one where he goes to the future. First one was great.
11. Dungeon Master - Richard Mull dumbness
12. Willow - Forgot about that Ron Howard/George Lucas debacle

I cannot think of anything else. How about you folks? Know any dumb ass fantasy movies? Post away..I hungry....

Schezanna · 12-22-2002, 05:22 PM

1. Agree
2. Agree
3. Hell no, both Conan movies were great
4. Decent story
5. Good movie all around
6. Don't remember it well enough to comment
7. It was a drama, not a fantasy movie, so why mix it in with the others?

off_world · 12-22-2002, 05:50 PM

Mazes & Monsters - Yeah, it was a drama but it had something to do with fantasy per se. But you are right.

VelMonk · 12-22-2002, 09:01 PM

I liked Dragonheart =/

Nanaki Ikanan · 12-22-2002, 09:04 PM

Dragon Heart wasn't that bad of a movie. Some of the acting wasn't too great in my opinion, and some of the script was cheesy. But it was a fairly enjoyable movie with a decent storyline. Not one of my favorites, but I don't think it belongs on that list with utter crap like Dungeons and Dragons =P

off_world · 12-22-2002, 10:03 PM

More I thought about it...I agree...Dragonheart comes off list!

gn0me · 12-22-2002, 10:06 PM

8. Yor, Hunter from the Future

This is quite possibly the funniest movie ever made. Too bad it wasn't meant to be a comedy. =/

off_world · 12-22-2002, 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by gn0me
8. Yor, Hunter from the Future

This is quite possibly the funniest movie ever made. Too bad it wasn't meant to be a comedy. =/

Yep, what was that scene where the dinosaur was a big carpet with people under it? Man, that was fucking funny as hell. Yor has PGT knocking the shit out of these fake ass dinosaurs. Funny as hell.

Synd D`nys · 12-22-2002, 11:16 PM

1. Dungeons & Dragons - WTF is this shit? Heh totally agree. Complete garbage.
2. First Knight - Richard Gere as Lancelot? Who's idea was this? Sean Connery as Arthur? No Merlin? Would have been an alright movie if they removed the names Arthur, Guinevere, Lancelot and Camelot from the script and just made it a generic fantasy type film.
3. Conan the Destroyer - gay Pretty weak yeah especially considering how good the first one was.
4. Merlin - The one with Sam Neil Made for TV, doesn't count, imo.
5. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - 'nuff said on that one Granted, Kevin Costner blew chunks but the supporting cast, particularly Allan Rickman was really good actually.
6. Mr. Merlin TV show Never heard of it but it's made for TV so doesnt count.
7. The Sword & The Sorcerer - Lee Horsley gets cruxified and he musters up some mega power enabling him to get free and fight half naked with a 3-in-1 sword, Richard Mull is bad guyThe best B fantasy movie ever. So cheesey it's great. I can watch it over and over. Dungeons and Dragons wished it was this good.
8. Yor, Hunter from the Future Doesn't even rate as a B movie. More like a C movie. Great camp. Worth watching drunk off your ass (or stoned if you are into that) but thats about it.
9. Ator, the Fighting Eagle Never saw it.
10. Beastmaster 2 - The one where he goes to the future An abomination. The Beastmaster was great B fantasy. This movie just plain sucked.
11. Dungeon Master - Richard Mull dumbness Never saw it.
12. Willow - Forgot about that Ron Howard/George Lucas debacle I liked Willow.

Val Kilmer ruled.
13. Dragonheart (yeah I know you took it off the list). Fucking terrible. Bad acting, bad script. Dina Meyer wears way too much clothing throughout. Major jeers because it was an A movie attempt at high fantasy and failed miserably. The CGI on the dragon was good and thats about it. For crying out loud, sink some money into extras so your "epic battles" are more then 30 on 30. A few good 200 vs 200 fights could have saved this film.

aychamo_aycono · 12-22-2002, 11:21 PM

Yeah,, a few years ago I got D&D, the movie, it SUCKED. Pathetic.. Made me want to laugh.. So ga y.

Iannis · 12-23-2002, 12:23 AM

A-Tor who vanquished the great spider god of yul-topath and fought gloknor the king of the cave-dwellers, and later destroyed the snake-lord sssshazbot and his evil priests, and did powersquats with a small chinese sidekick who never spoke a word, and knew how to make a hang-glider out of branches and deer hides, and made grenades to assault the fortress with while hang-gliding in, and thusly claimed and destroyed the All-Powerful Side-View Mirror in an atomic explosion? Oh yeah, the female love-interest wore a hubcap too.

omg ator owns fantasy.

off_world · 12-23-2002, 05:24 AM

Iannis, that is fucking funny!

Also, I am trying to get more movies. I'll delete the TV ones.

Alamando · 12-23-2002, 08:46 AM

Does Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within count?

Ritkhan · 12-23-2002, 09:03 AM

Willow was good. IMO the soundtrack was better than the current LOTR soundtrack, and some scenes were very well done. Yes, it could of been a lot better, but pretty good none the less. The acting was good as well. I was surprised at how good Davis acted. Kilmer as very good too. The dumb french brownies ruined it though.

Bralkan · 12-23-2002, 09:19 AM

Willow? are you serious? I love this movie.

12-22-2002, 04:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
off_world Destroyer of Worlds Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Phobos Posts: 204 +1 Internets	Dumb Ass Fantasy Movies Since FOTR & TTT have been released, we are seeing a rebirth of the fantasy genre that Hollywod has butchered since the beginning. So in fairness to the fuck-ups at Hollywood here are some dumb-fuck fantasy movies that peeps in Hollywood thought would be great (this includes any "medieval" films) : 1. Dungeons & Dragons - WTF is this shit? 2. First Knight - Richard Gere as Lancelot? Who's idea was this? Sean Connery as Arthur? No Merlin? 3. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe 4. Hawk the Slayer 5. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - 'nuff said on that one 6. Kull the Conqueror 7. The Sword & The Sorcerer - Lee Horsley gets cruxified and he musters up some mega power enabling him to get free and fight half naked with a 3-in-1 sword, Richard Mull is bad guy 8. Yor, Hunter from the Future 9. Ator, the Fighting Eagle 10. Beastmaster 2 - The one where he goes to the future. First one was great. 11. Dungeon Master - Richard Mull dumbness 12. Willow - Forgot about that Ron Howard/George Lucas debacle I cannot think of anything else. How about you folks? Know any dumb ass fantasy movies? Post away..I hungry.... __________________ "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for you to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." - Gandalf "I NOW INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE TOO FAR FROM REALITY." - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf 53rd Paladin of Brell, Krathur Hawkwind (Winner's Circle) Last edited by off_world : 12-25-2002 at 05:58 AM.

12-22-2002, 05:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
off_world Destroyer of Worlds Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Phobos Posts: 204 +1 Internets	Mazes & Monsters - Yeah, it was a drama but it had something to do with fantasy per se. But you are right. __________________ "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for you to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." - Gandalf "I NOW INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE TOO FAR FROM REALITY." - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf 53rd Paladin of Brell, Krathur Hawkwind (Winner's Circle)

12-22-2002, 10:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
off_world Destroyer of Worlds Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Phobos Posts: 204 +1 Internets	More I thought about it...I agree...Dragonheart comes off list! __________________ "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for you to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." - Gandalf "I NOW INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE TOO FAR FROM REALITY." - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf 53rd Paladin of Brell, Krathur Hawkwind (Winner's Circle)

12-22-2002, 10:06 PM	#7 (permalink)
gn0me so much h8 Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Portland, Ore. Posts: 1,038 -7 Internets	8. Yor, Hunter from the Future This is quite possibly the funniest movie ever made. Too bad it wasn't meant to be a comedy. =/ __________________ The Gnome of Own

12-22-2002, 11:16 PM	#9 (permalink)
Synd D`nys The root of all evil Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Hockeytown, U.S.A. Posts: 548 +0 Internets	1. Dungeons & Dragons - WTF is this shit? Heh totally agree. Complete garbage. 2. First Knight - Richard Gere as Lancelot? Who's idea was this? Sean Connery as Arthur? No Merlin? Would have been an alright movie if they removed the names Arthur, Guinevere, Lancelot and Camelot from the script and just made it a generic fantasy type film. 3. Conan the Destroyer - gay Pretty weak yeah especially considering how good the first one was. 4. Merlin - The one with Sam Neil Made for TV, doesn't count, imo. 5. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - 'nuff said on that one Granted, Kevin Costner blew chunks but the supporting cast, particularly Allan Rickman was really good actually. 6. Mr. Merlin TV show Never heard of it but it's made for TV so doesnt count. 7. The Sword & The Sorcerer - Lee Horsley gets cruxified and he musters up some mega power enabling him to get free and fight half naked with a 3-in-1 sword, Richard Mull is bad guyThe best B fantasy movie ever. So cheesey it's great. I can watch it over and over. Dungeons and Dragons wished it was this good. 8. Yor, Hunter from the Future Doesn't even rate as a B movie. More like a C movie. Great camp. Worth watching drunk off your ass (or stoned if you are into that) but thats about it. 9. Ator, the Fighting Eagle Never saw it. 10. Beastmaster 2 - The one where he goes to the future An abomination. The Beastmaster was great B fantasy. This movie just plain sucked. 11. Dungeon Master - Richard Mull dumbness Never saw it. 12. Willow - Forgot about that Ron Howard/George Lucas debacle I liked Willow. Val Kilmer ruled. 13. Dragonheart (yeah I know you took it off the list). Fucking terrible. Bad acting, bad script. Dina Meyer wears way too much clothing throughout. Major jeers because it was an A movie attempt at high fantasy and failed miserably. The CGI on the dragon was good and thats about it. For crying out loud, sink some money into extras so your "epic battles" are more then 30 on 30. A few good 200 vs 200 fights could have saved this film. __________________ EverQuest free since 7/03

12-22-2002, 05:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
Schezanna Registered User Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 270	1. Agree 2. Agree 3. Hell no, both Conan movies were great 4. Decent story 5. Good movie all around 6. Don't remember it well enough to comment 7. It was a drama, not a fantasy movie, so why mix it in with the others?

12-22-2002, 09:01 PM	#4 (permalink)
VelMonk Banned Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 578 +0 Internets	I liked Dragonheart =/

12-22-2002, 09:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
Nanaki Ikanan Registered User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 461 -1 Internets	Dragon Heart wasn't that bad of a movie. Some of the acting wasn't too great in my opinion, and some of the script was cheesy. But it was a fairly enjoyable movie with a decent storyline. Not one of my favorites, but I don't think it belongs on that list with utter crap like Dungeons and Dragons =P

12-22-2002, 11:21 PM	#10 (permalink)
aychamo_aycono King Poster Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 3,380	Yeah,, a few years ago I got D&D, the movie, it SUCKED. Pathetic.. Made me want to laugh.. So ga y. __________________ I run a small forum for discussion of medical topics.

12-23-2002, 12:23 AM	#11 (permalink)
Iannis Registered User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Butt Hugging Moose Jockey Posts: 4,968 +0 Internets	A-Tor who vanquished the great spider god of yul-topath and fought gloknor the king of the cave-dwellers, and later destroyed the snake-lord sssshazbot and his evil priests, and did powersquats with a small chinese sidekick who never spoke a word, and knew how to make a hang-glider out of branches and deer hides, and made grenades to assault the fortress with while hang-gliding in, and thusly claimed and destroyed the All-Powerful Side-View Mirror in an atomic explosion? Oh yeah, the female love-interest wore a hubcap too. omg ator owns fantasy. Last edited by Iannis : 12-23-2002 at 12:29 AM.

12-23-2002, 05:24 AM	#12 (permalink)
off_world Destroyer of Worlds Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Phobos Posts: 204 +1 Internets	Iannis, that is fucking funny! Also, I am trying to get more movies. I'll delete the TV ones. __________________ "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for you to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." - Gandalf "I NOW INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE TOO FAR FROM REALITY." - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf 53rd Paladin of Brell, Krathur Hawkwind (Winner's Circle)

12-23-2002, 09:03 AM	#14 (permalink)
Ritkhan Registered User Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 295 -1 Internets	Willow was good. IMO the soundtrack was better than the current LOTR soundtrack, and some scenes were very well done. Yes, it could of been a lot better, but pretty good none the less. The acting was good as well. I was surprised at how good Davis acted. Kilmer as very good too. The dumb french brownies ruined it though.

12-23-2002, 09:19 AM	#15 (permalink)
Bralkan Registered User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Atlanta GA Posts: 2,130 -1 Internets	Willow? are you serious? I love this movie. __________________ -insert cute, witty remark- err..... fuck

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