Bad movies that could have been a lot better - Page 3

Prodigious · 11-25-2002, 01:12 AM

austin powers 3. the first and second had me in tears from laughing, but the 3rd incarnation sucked. it missed those insane drawn-out sketches from 1+2, the Goldmember guy was gross (eating skin? yuck), and fat bastard was too much. he spent one minute at some point talking about how his ass smelled.....was pathetic.

oh, and i haven't seen it myself, but i've read horrible reviews about American Psycho 2. the original was so insanely good, i love it, and the person who made this shitty sequel, of course with some sexy bimbo in the lead role, should be shot :/

Jaytee Bushwacker · 11-25-2002, 12:45 PM

Quote:

A lot like how Tim Curry had one of the best "evil dude" voices

That is so true...I love Tim Curry he has such a ...dastardly, insane, wickedly cruel voice when he wants. I would so love to see him in Star Wars 3 doing something dispicable and evil!

Bumbaz · 11-25-2002, 12:47 PM

Batman Forever, I think the cast he got were decent, but Joel just killed it with his look. I remember in an interview Joel said "I want to get away from this whole dark look and feel. I want Batman to be happy and stuff". But that is a huge part of Batman, he is the DARK KNIGHT. Hes not the happy gay knight in nippled uniform. If they would have kept the dark tone of Batman and Batman Returns it would have been a much better movie. Its a shame they had to change the original batmobile which was just too damn cool.

Ritkhan · 11-25-2002, 06:30 PM

All decent movies that could of been better:

Gladiator could of been much better than it was

The Messenger could of been real good had someone else played Joan instead of Mila

The Mists of Avalon - Good Female actors, crappy male actors. Made for TV made this movie too bland. Should have been a theatre release, rated R with blood and nudity (not exessive, just where it should of been) then it would have been great.

Alamando · 11-25-2002, 08:58 PM

What about Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within? Could that have been a good movie, or was it doomed to suck?

Anuin · 11-25-2002, 09:20 PM

Hey, I really really liked FF. I thought it was great, I just think the hype of it being like a video game doomed it.

Iannis · 11-26-2002, 07:41 AM

Nipple outfits are the best.

Mmm, male monks...PUT ON THE NIPSHIRT!!!

Namael · 11-26-2002, 09:34 AM

Thirteen Ghosts -- Great set, good effects, cast wasn't too bad either, Tony Shaloub is great! Then they just let it lie flat and suck. I really wanted to see more of the back story, and less of the weepy looking for mom crap.

Schar · 11-26-2002, 09:41 AM

Mortal Kombat movies.

I actually enjoyed the first one (meh, i was young), so i'll leave it out. But the second one... good lord, what a horrible movie. I'm not sure how they could have made it better, but it could have been just as fun to watch as the first.

Cthuldan · 11-26-2002, 09:44 AM

Well, I had one movie that stood out in my mind as soon as I read the topic. But, you folks mentioned a lot that I completely agree on:

A.I. - I really thought this movie was going to be horrible. But, about a third to halfway in, I really started to get into the whole emotional attachment, visuals, etc. that were being conveyed. But, about three-quarters of the way in, Spielberg delivered a swift kick to my genitals and took me down. All I could think of from that point was pure, unadulterated pain. I give it two flaccid penises.

Time Machine – Once again, another movie in which I wasn’t overly enthusiastic about seeing. However, the first two-thirds of the movie build up had me on the edge of my seat. A man from the past, travels to the future, only to become trapped in an ever spiraling loop, blah blah, etc. *BLAM* another swift kick to the balls, only this time it’s merely a graze to one ball. It still hurts like hell and my eyes are watering, but at least I haven’t started crying. One flaccid penis and a swollen ball down.

Aliens 3&4 – I have this kick ass idea for a series of movies…we’ll start off by inspiring untold horror, scaring the bejesus out of any and all who perceive it. From there, we shall make the mother of all action movies! We’re talking aliens, marines, and guns galore! From there, we’ll mix it in a blender, have it for breakfast and shortly after shit it on the carpet and blame it on the cat. They took what could have been one of the greatest franchises in this nerds meaningless life and shit on it; literally. I’ll put five dollars on the table and wager that somewhere, the directors (Finchner and some French guy) have a copy of these movies sitting on their coffee tables with a big, dried up, stinkin’ terd sitting in the middle of it. Two bowel movements down.

Now, on to the greatest of all hype tragedies. The disastrous, bullshit filled, lied to my fucking face, piece of trash: Reign of Fire. I spent hours masturbating to the hype of this movie. What could be better than modern day human resistance fighting the most feared of all fantasy creatures? Nothing, not even shit stained xenomorphs. When the movie opened up and they talked abut the great war and all that jazz, I was already halfway to climax. Fuck that fat asshole who decided to sit right in front of me even though there were only 4 people in the entire theater (should have been my first clue). I was gonna get him back in the one way I knew how; when I dropped a pound of Uncle Cthuldan’s famous nut butter right in his goddamn lap!

But, it was not to be. For as you know, this worthless piece of time wasting tripe had not a single glorious moment throughout it. I would have had a better time jamming a splintered rake handle in my rectum while playing mary had a little lamb on my nuts like a xylophone. All I left the theatre with was a soft cock and a half empty jar of KY. I merely stumbled out of the theater with cap’n long dong and the boys dangling free, in my almost drunken stupor of disappointment and bewilderment. But fear not loyal readers, I got my $8.50’s worth! I dropped that phat nut in the ticket taker’s eye and punched the manager in the nose declaring my annexation of Texas from the union. Well, at least I should have.

MadCow_01 · 11-26-2002, 10:00 AM

Unbreakable - way too much time spent talking about how he MIGHT be a superhero, and not enough time spent kicking ass...

Reign of Fire - dont even know where to start

Keed · 11-26-2002, 10:28 AM

Final Fantasy the movie was :

A) Shitty movie.
B) Not remotely Final Fantasy
Bb) where is the fucking magic and swordplay i ask you?
Bc) WHERE ARE THE FUCKING SUMMONED CREATURES THAT DECIMATE ALL I ASK YOU SIR?
C) Homoerotic ending.
D) Just because 'gaia' was mentioned doesn't mean its final fantasy. See B, Bb, Bc

Thirteen ghosts.

I was laughing in the theater about how cheesy and predictable it was. Seriously. a house with ghosts trapped in the bottom that can trap you in if your not smart enough. OMG SO SCREEEY ME SO SALLY.

Time Machine licked sack. Explain to me if that dark elf fucker could read minds then how did he trick him? What the fuck. How the fuck. Gay as fuck? yes

uh. stfu. good day.

Keed · 11-26-2002, 10:32 AM

Batman mask of the Phantasm rocked ass but they could've made it less Pulp Fiction style story progression and shit and made it alittle easier to understand. Maybe I just was playing EQ too much while i watched it but It took me a few tries to piece that shit together. oh yeah. and it kicked alot of ass. Cartoon batman from Batman MotP and that series > all other pieces of shit batmen.

Batman beyond was cool because I hated it when I saw previews. Then I saw all of like 3 episodes and hes got a new suit so he gets his ass fucking kicked hard often which makes it 100x more entertaining than Future-im-gonna-beat-you-ass-with-bomb-ubah-bamboo-bo-sticks-and-laff-har-har-har. okay running on there with no point. Basically. I didn't like the idea of it but he gets his ass kicked hard so its cool.

Alamando · 11-26-2002, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Anuin
Hey, I really really liked FF. I thought it was great, I just think the hype of it being like a video game doomed it.

There was hype of it being like a video game? The only hype was that the animation was beautiful - which it was.

But wow. The movie itself was horrid. Just to add onto Keed's list:
e) The voices were pretty weak - Unless you *really* like Alec Baldwin.
f) The story was told horribly - Hey, let's kill all the sidekicks at once!
g) The characters are all generic - Pissed Guy, Wise Old Man, Macho Hero and Smart Scientist Girl.
h) The music was unremarkable - I don't remember if it was good or not, honestly. So it couldn't have been good if I don't remember.

I dunno, maybe there was no hope for this movie. I always thought that if TSW had been the 2nd/3rd FF movie so you knoew the background of the Phantoms and the characters, it would have been a bit better... But maybe not?

Anuin · 11-26-2002, 04:24 PM

But you're analyzing it as a movie. Look at it as a ground breaking step, what other movie has been completely computer animated to be realistic?

11-25-2002, 01:12 AM	#31 (permalink)
Prodigious Registered User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 24 -1 Internets	austin powers 3. the first and second had me in tears from laughing, but the 3rd incarnation sucked. it missed those insane drawn-out sketches from 1+2, the Goldmember guy was gross (eating skin? yuck), and fat bastard was too much. he spent one minute at some point talking about how his ass smelled.....was pathetic. oh, and i haven't seen it myself, but i've read horrible reviews about American Psycho 2. the original was so insanely good, i love it, and the person who made this shitty sequel, of course with some sexy bimbo in the lead role, should be shot :/ Last edited by Prodigious : 11-25-2002 at 01:17 AM.

11-25-2002, 12:47 PM	#33 (permalink)
Bumbaz Enjoyer of Movies! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Porltand, OR Posts: 124 -1 Internets	Batman Forever, I think the cast he got were decent, but Joel just killed it with his look. I remember in an interview Joel said "I want to get away from this whole dark look and feel. I want Batman to be happy and stuff". But that is a huge part of Batman, he is the DARK KNIGHT. Hes not the happy gay knight in nippled uniform. If they would have kept the dark tone of Batman and Batman Returns it would have been a much better movie. Its a shame they had to change the original batmobile which was just too damn cool. __________________ Bumbaz Tanx RETIRED Dakin Drayklore RETIRED Saore Drayklore RETIRED Sturmx Brightblade RETIRED

11-26-2002, 09:34 AM	#38 (permalink)
Namael Registered User Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 18 -1 Internets	Thirteen Ghosts -- Great set, good effects, cast wasn't too bad either, Tony Shaloub is great! Then they just let it lie flat and suck. I really wanted to see more of the back story, and less of the weepy looking for mom crap. __________________ Namael the Heretic "Keeper of the Duck" --- Xev

11-26-2002, 09:44 AM	#40 (permalink)
Cthuldan Fires of Heaven Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Florida Posts: 6 -1 Internets	My opinions on the matter... Well, I had one movie that stood out in my mind as soon as I read the topic. But, you folks mentioned a lot that I completely agree on: A.I. - I really thought this movie was going to be horrible. But, about a third to halfway in, I really started to get into the whole emotional attachment, visuals, etc. that were being conveyed. But, about three-quarters of the way in, Spielberg delivered a swift kick to my genitals and took me down. All I could think of from that point was pure, unadulterated pain. I give it two flaccid penises. Time Machine – Once again, another movie in which I wasn’t overly enthusiastic about seeing. However, the first two-thirds of the movie build up had me on the edge of my seat. A man from the past, travels to the future, only to become trapped in an ever spiraling loop, blah blah, etc. BLAM another swift kick to the balls, only this time it’s merely a graze to one ball. It still hurts like hell and my eyes are watering, but at least I haven’t started crying. One flaccid penis and a swollen ball down. Aliens 3&4 – I have this kick ass idea for a series of movies…we’ll start off by inspiring untold horror, scaring the bejesus out of any and all who perceive it. From there, we shall make the mother of all action movies! We’re talking aliens, marines, and guns galore! From there, we’ll mix it in a blender, have it for breakfast and shortly after shit it on the carpet and blame it on the cat. They took what could have been one of the greatest franchises in this nerds meaningless life and shit on it; literally. I’ll put five dollars on the table and wager that somewhere, the directors (Finchner and some French guy) have a copy of these movies sitting on their coffee tables with a big, dried up, stinkin’ terd sitting in the middle of it. Two bowel movements down. Now, on to the greatest of all hype tragedies. The disastrous, bullshit filled, lied to my fucking face, piece of trash: Reign of Fire. I spent hours masturbating to the hype of this movie. What could be better than modern day human resistance fighting the most feared of all fantasy creatures? Nothing, not even shit stained xenomorphs. When the movie opened up and they talked abut the great war and all that jazz, I was already halfway to climax. Fuck that fat asshole who decided to sit right in front of me even though there were only 4 people in the entire theater (should have been my first clue). I was gonna get him back in the one way I knew how; when I dropped a pound of Uncle Cthuldan’s famous nut butter right in his goddamn lap! But, it was not to be. For as you know, this worthless piece of time wasting tripe had not a single glorious moment throughout it. I would have had a better time jamming a splintered rake handle in my rectum while playing mary had a little lamb on my nuts like a xylophone. All I left the theatre with was a soft cock and a half empty jar of KY. I merely stumbled out of the theater with cap’n long dong and the boys dangling free, in my almost drunken stupor of disappointment and bewilderment. But fear not loyal readers, I got my $8.50’s worth! I dropped that phat nut in the ticket taker’s eye and punched the manager in the nose declaring my annexation of Texas from the union. Well, at least I should have.

11-26-2002, 10:00 AM	#41 (permalink)
MadCow_01 Deuce It Up Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 154 -1 Internets	Unbreakable - way too much time spent talking about how he MIGHT be a superhero, and not enough time spent kicking ass... Reign of Fire - dont even know where to start __________________ Moo, Motherfucker

11-25-2002, 06:30 PM	#34 (permalink)
Ritkhan Registered User Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 295 -1 Internets	All decent movies that could of been better: Gladiator could of been much better than it was The Messenger could of been real good had someone else played Joan instead of Mila The Mists of Avalon - Good Female actors, crappy male actors. Made for TV made this movie too bland. Should have been a theatre release, rated R with blood and nudity (not exessive, just where it should of been) then it would have been great.

11-25-2002, 09:20 PM	#36 (permalink)
Anuin Registered User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 41 -1 Internets	Hey, I really really liked FF. I thought it was great, I just think the hype of it being like a video game doomed it.

11-26-2002, 07:41 AM	#37 (permalink)
Iannis Registered User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Butt Hugging Moose Jockey Posts: 4,968 +0 Internets	Nipple outfits are the best. Mmm, male monks...PUT ON THE NIPSHIRT!!!

11-26-2002, 09:41 AM	#39 (permalink)
Schar Playing UT2k4 Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 776 +0 Internets	Mortal Kombat movies. I actually enjoyed the first one (meh, i was young), so i'll leave it out. But the second one... good lord, what a horrible movie. I'm not sure how they could have made it better, but it could have been just as fun to watch as the first.

11-26-2002, 04:24 PM	#45 (permalink)
Anuin Registered User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 41 -1 Internets	But you're analyzing it as a movie. Look at it as a ground breaking step, what other movie has been completely computer animated to be realistic?

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