Daddy Issues and other damaged goods

[FulorianC]

Inspired by some derailing in the Friends with Benefits thread, I'm curious what experiences people have had with crazy girls with (or without) daddy issues. Tell your stories, whatever. We all know the perennial concept of the 'damaged goods', but what specifically makes them damaged?

I will admit that this was inspired in part as a result of the fact that lately a girl has shown an interest in me, who has in the recent past been a stripper, run drugs, cut herself, and tried to commit suicide as a result of failed relationships, and I have a feeling that somewhere deep down there are daddy issues. Part of me really empathizes and wants to help, and another part of me is screaming: RUN FAST AS YOU CAN. But the more primal side is winning, the part that wants to help and/or fuck.

So I want to know, what are your stories? What does a relationship with a headcase look like, in its various incarnations and stages? What wisdom can you impart?

[Vatoreus]

It's nearly an assured thing that if you end up hooking up with her and having a relationship with her, she will fuck around on you. That's at least one thing that's been consistent in mine and friends of mine's relationships w/ fucked up girls. Although, she'll also probably give you some of the best, freakiest sex you've ever had while it lasts, so it really is up to you if that makes it worth it.

[Korioni]

There are a few ways you can go with this...

-Leave now, and all is done.

-Help and be prepared for a long-ass, emotionally draining relationship that may or may not help her as an end result.

-Participate in what will likely be an abusive relationship where you use eachother mercilessly.


The first option is the easiest and ultimately probably the best. The second option is good if you can see it working out but will cause the most drama in your life. The third option is the most fun(crazy ass relationships are awesome for short periods of time) and will give you stories, but ultimately will leave a sour taste in your mouth and leave you that much more jaded.


Basically all of my girlfriends have had traumatizing pasts. They're still people, and still normal people who care and deserve to be cared about, they simply have eccentricities that others lack which makes them more interesting. Personally, that's my favorite type of girl to date.


To those wondering, if I get serious with one of these girls, I do try to help them through their problems. I listen to their confessions and share their secrets, then give them the support they need. The great thing about that is that if a girl does this type of thing with you, your relationship will be far more close than a regular relationship. The downside is that once this happens, you're in an EXTREMELY co-dependent relationship. She will be at a point that she can't consider being without you. Think of it as a heroin addict who loses their sponsor. Enter these relationships only after considering these consequences.

[spronk]

my buddy dated a stripper and got gonorrea, even with a condom. better double bag your jimmy before going in!

I have a 1 year old daughter and I hate whats gonna happen in 10-12 years, my only hope is that the next generation rebels against society and decides sex is evil. Otherwise I'm gonna die of a heart attack from seeing my daughter on yahoo live while one of you degenerate fucks shows her his asshole As Chris Rock said, I only have one job in life now...

[Malakriss]

If they're blatantly fucked up, leave them to be someone else's problem. There's always some better quality pussy on the market.

[t0nic]

I dated this one girl that definitely had daddy issues. She was normal for the most part except the small indication that her dad had abused her in the past. She still LOVED her dad but there definitely was indications he wasn't the best dad. He physically abused her mother and her, abused drugs and got into trouble with the law, etc.

She was perfectly normal for the first few weeks then it started. She would randomly flip a switch between happy, sad, depressed, angry, etc. You name the emotion and she'd switch to it. I settled on her being bi-polar and left it as such as I am a jerk. The sex was good and I wasn't emotionally tied to her (sad state of affairs).

Then the white knight in me kicked in, the whole lets save the WORLD, feeling that every guy gets it seems. I tried to help her through her swings and keep her stable but the more I did the more she would swing. Anything from "I love you" to "I hate your guts and stab you in your sleep".

Anyway the relationship degenerated into her first trying to kill me with a fucking butcher knife. Long story short, she was driving and we stopped in a secluded spot and she tried to stab me in jest only it wasn't in jest as her bi-polarism kicked in. Then she apologized and made mention to her bi-polarism.

A few weeks later she said she was pregnant and it was my baby. To which I was like "FUCK YOU SHITTING ME?" and after a week or so she actually had her period and told me "Oh I guess I am not pregnant."

After that the relationship was over and I moved on.

The best advice I can give (which you won't accept cause no one ever does) is it AVOID THEM LIKE THE PLAGUE. I've seen some horrible things happen not only to me but to other guys as well who I call friends. Some guys grow up after getting shit on but there are others who can't help but end up in abusive relationships (mostly the white knight who solves everything syndrome) .

You are better off AVOIDING her and trying to connect to a semi-normal girl. But you won't listen and will get involved like I did and for that I can't help but laugh at your misfortune. All I can advise is to CUT IT OFF before it gets to point where its messing with your head or you end up dead.

Like a drug, learn to avoid it when it starts fucking with your life beyond your sanity. That is the best advice I can think of.

[Bristlebane]

My first long term girlfriend was raised by her mother only. She had nearly every stereotypical trait of girls raised without a father. (Note: Yes, I know they're not all the same.)

She wanted to have kids, bad. I think it's a need they have to fill some kind of void. I was only 19-20 years old, she was 20. Needless to say, I did not want to have kids at that point in time. Thankfully, we never did. She got pregnant from her previous boyfriend a few months after we stopped dating, and to my knowledge, they've been married for 5 or 6 years now with two kids. She equated sex and wanting to have kids with being loved to a great extent.

The boyfriend, who I was an aquaintance with, told me that she put a hole in the condom, and lied about being on birth control. I don't doubt it one bit. He was freaking out about it when it happened. The same thing could have happened to me, and I could have a nearly 10 year old kid right now.

I think this chick in particular was trying her best to change when she was dating me (she lost her virginity at 14,) but ultimately, when she forced a guy to get her pregnant, it kind of threw all that out the window. I certainly learned a lot from her, in any case.

There's a book that exists, I can't remember the author or name of the book, but it was like a case study of a group of fatherless girls over the span of 20 years or something. I remember reading bits and pieces of it, and relating to a lot of it with her.

In general, I mean, you can't really give any advice on one "type" of man or woman, they're all gonna be different, and some are going to be more well-adjusted than others.

[Tea on tuesday]

As a long time connoisseur of fucked up girls/women...let me preface this by saying it's ultimately unhealthy for both of you.

That said, most people with experience will tell you that a serious relationship will usually end up with both of you worse off then when you met (in my experience this is almost universally true). What they won't tell you is the manic (and depressive) euphoria that comes along with it.

Although pathetic there's something that is wholly comforting, some intrinsic and undeniably human base desire of some anonymous escapist urge that is endlessly satiated in this type of relationship. It's the depraved heights of euphoria that comes from a bond that is forged from a reciprocal and unbreakable dependence on your other (worse) half. It's a downward spiral that is all encompassing and engrossing as you succumb to the unhealthy needs of each other. You will prey off of each other's weaknesses and fractured mental states. No matter how strong you are mentally, eventually you will let her pull you down, and despite your best intentions there is little you will likely be able to do to help her. You are not a psychiatrist, and you will be ill equipped to deal with the profound mental brokenness you are going to face.

Beneath this is a masochistic trend. I think everyone knows that when they enter into these relationships that they will be hurt. That at some point things will go bad, and that you or both of you will be miserable. When that moment comes it's again a euphoric moment. It's validation, contempt, and love. To paraphrase Nabokov, it's the careening avalanche that stops just short of a helpless village which impugns our greater sense of the natural course that we find not only upsetting but immoral. It's vindication and validation for all your darkest notions of how the world operates, and it is freeing, entrapping, glorious. It's a freight train of self destruction hurtling into some poor, helpless soul. Beautiful.

But maybe that's just me.

[Armadon]

Don't be a captain save-a-ho!

[Azrayne]

In one of these right now, and all I can say is man have I learned my lesson.

From here on I'm going to break it off with a chick on the slightest hint of traumatic childhood/daddy issues/fucked up self esteem. I hate being bogged down with other peoples emotional baggage.

[Mkopec1]

They all have fucking issues. At least all the chicks I have ever met and got to know in my life.

If you actually meet one with no issues hold on to that shit because its rare.

What you have to ask yourself is what is your bullshit tolerance and how much you can handle. And then gage your relationships around that threshold.

[Manseed]

Basically you should develop a plan of action where she has absolutely no contact information for you and fuck her for as long as possible. Like take her to hotel rooms because your house is being fumigated. Get as much ridiculous sex as possible and never talk to her again.

[Dabamf]

how about have sex with her but dont date her and keep contact 2 days a week or less?

ive never dated a fucked up girl i think because im very laid back and calm and we aren't into each other...ive messed around with a few but it usually ends quickly bc im just looking for ass from her as I know she's fucked up and she isn't getting the emotional stimulation from me bc im too calm

i have, however, always wanted to bang them and see if the sex is better

[Dethfang]

I am on again off again in a relationship with a girl with daddy issues, its hard but worth it at the same time. It really depends on where they are at in their whole cycle of "defining self" and whether or no they are mature enough to take ownership of their life / actions / future and move towards becoming a well adjusted adult. If they are still just blindly floating around seeking approval then its going to be very rough, if they are an intelligent person and going to counseling it will probably just be regularly rough.

Also think about whether you are really helping them grow and heal or if you are just feeding their bad behavior.

Almost everyone has daddy issues of some kind, like Tyler Durden said "Our fathers are our models for God."

Like Mkopec1 said... gauge your level of bullshit tolerance and go from there, every girl has issues, you just have to figure out which issues you can deal with. I would personally take daddy issues over aspiring princess issues any day... that's just me though.

[kegkilla]

the only way you should treat a girl with "daddy issues" is the same way her daddy treated her: like complete shit. these kind of girls, even more so than other women, crave to be treated like absolute trash. its really kind of sickening, but really pretty understandable when you look at from a freudian psychoanalytical perspective.

don't think for a second you can "nurse the dove with a broken wing back to health" or whatever the expression is, if there even is one. you show this girl any kind of compassion and you're gonna pay.

bring her over your house a few times, get drunk, have your way with her and then kick her to the curb. if she asks what you're doing, just say you're busy. only deal with her on your terms. thats really all you can do with the girl. definitely not ripe for any sort of real relationship unless she goes and gets herself some sort of counseling shit (she gets it for herself, not you get it for her).