Friends with Benefits

[Cad]

Originally Posted by Etoille

well if men would stop calling women slores for doing the exact same thing they do i'd wager women would stop aggressively tracking their numbers. :P

How about, do what you want and tell men to fuck off if they are concerned about how many guys you've slept with?

[Etoille]

well theres always that too :P but not every girl out there will do that cad. in either scenario its pretty much an idealistic situation.

[notyourtypicalgrl]

Originally Posted by Etoille

anytime i had FWB situations going on it was ALWAYS with an ex.

once i break up with someone im done so its always pretty easy for me to remember the reasons not to go back. like "was a drug dealer" for example.

made it a helluva lot easier. i never messed with FWB with someone who wasnt my ex. girls are also taught that if we fuck around we're whores so if you ask any girl what her "number" is:

1. Shes lying
2. Shes got several

I, being no exception to the rules of being self concious about numbers, messed around with exes not only because it was emotionally simpler but because it flat out didnt add a number.

*shrug* I personally never had any problems with FWB with my exes unless they started sleeping with someone else - for health reasons only. but then again im the exact opposite of the jealous type. but most women if you start sleeping with them are going to expect something so personally if you want to stay friends with her, dont sleep with her. get yourself a one nite stand or something.

in the end this isnt just an ex - this is your ex wife? bad idea. BAD BAD BAD idea.

I can't say I agree with you. I could really care less about "the number" Maybe it's because compared to most, my number is not that large but I took relationships and quality over quantity. I do not judge other females or male for that matter on his or her number. I am pretty open about sex and FWB can be a good thing IF both can agree and stick to it.

I understand most females are emotional creatures and will attach on and want more but it's not always the case.

FWB with an ex to me seems too dangerous. Just remember, there is a REASON they are exes.

[Azzikai]

You have a son with this woman. That means this isn't about just you and her it is also about him.

Your son may be just an infant and unaware of what is going on around him, you haven't said. However, if your son is old enough to understand that mommy and daddy don't live together anymore, any sort of "FWB" scenario is going to confuse the hell out of him. It is hard enough to adjust to your parents splitting up when you're young, what you're proposing isn't going to make your son's life any easier.

[Eyashusa]

To the OP: Good luck. Your history together suggests that regardless of what she is saying, it's going to mean more than just sex. My experience with this is that everyone involved lies when they say they just want sex and nothing more. As soon as something happens (you or her start seeing someone else) then all of the sudden it becomes this "I thought we were on the road to getting back together..." bullshit just because you were sleeping together. I've worked with couples before and the no strings attached sex is always the first step in trying to see if a relationship is going to work again.

[hauwk]

Originally Posted by Ronaan

Conclusion:
Do her in the pooper.

*WIN*

fucking slay that shit ONE TIME ONLY.. Then get your fucking balls out of her purse and carry on with your life. Find some new pussy... look around dude.. it's EVERYWHERE. Or take a break for six months or so. Shit try a prostitute. Here's the great part: you can do whatever the hell you want !

Just dont be a goddamn pussy.. that shit's depressing to read about.

[Brad2770]

Originally Posted by dak

If you are COMPLETELY sure you can provide the chick a good dicking (I.E. give her an orgasm) the friendship will remain.

It's some kind of weird primordial instinct in women. I forget what comedian said it (Eddie Murphy maybe?) but pretty much if you hear them make the quivery orgasm noise you can say to yourself "got'cha bitch!"

Give her a good fuck and she will follow you to the ends of the Earth. If you fail to deliver chances are the friendship will be ruined by awkwardness.

I am not worried about giving her an orgasm... That was one thing that surprised me about her leaving. When we had sex, I always gave her an orgasm. I have always believed she should get hers if I am getting mine.

Originally Posted by Azzikai

You have a son with this woman. That means this isn't about just you and her it is also about him.

Your son may be just an infant and unaware of what is going on around him, you haven't said. However, if your son is old enough to understand that mommy and daddy don't live together anymore, any sort of "FWB" scenario is going to confuse the hell out of him. It is hard enough to adjust to your parents splitting up when you're young, what you're proposing isn't going to make your son's life any easier.

My son is 2. He may not know what is going on yet, but I feel us being friends and hanging out as much as we are would be just as confusing to him even if sex was not involved. My son goes to bed early, so what happens (or does not happen) after he is asleep would not effect him.

The confusion comes from us spending a lot of time together, but then going to a different home when we are done hanging out.

Originally Posted by Eyashusa

To the OP: Good luck. Your history together suggests that regardless of what she is saying, it's going to mean more than just sex. My experience with this is that everyone involved lies when they say they just want sex and nothing more. As soon as something happens (you or her start seeing someone else) then all of the sudden it becomes this "I thought we were on the road to getting back together..." bullshit just because you were sleeping together. I've worked with couples before and the no strings attached sex is always the first step in trying to see if a relationship is going to work again.

I'll be honest: I do want things to work out between us. I am willing to hurt myself again to see if it works.

So many people on this board bitch about how many people in the world are horrible parents (the parents that gave the baby pot and the ICP parents). I PROMISED my son I would do everything I could to save his family and I would. I was from a mother who got pregnant in high school. I do not know my real dad. The man who I thought was my real dad, kicked me out of his house at 10 yrs old (after him and my mom divorced) because the lady that he was dating didnt like the fact that I was not really his son. I hated how things happened in my life and I did not want another man raising my son.

Anyways, if she ends up having feelings for me... if this is some way of her testing to see if things could work out, then by all means, let it happen this way. I love my son and I would NEVER want him to go through what I did.

If things do not work out, I am willing to take the pain knowing I am doing all I can to keep a promise I made to my son.

Originally Posted by hauwk

Just dont be a goddamn pussy.. that shit's depressing to read about.

Not trying to be a pussy. Trying to do what i feel is right.

Man, I fucking hate saying shit like this on this board.... I know I will get bashed for it, but there really is no win for losing on the internet.

[Hatorade]

Women ALWAYS get attached when you fuck them. So don't do it if you don't want to hurt them. That and if they really are good friends its also not worth it. If it is some girl you have known for 6 months or less then I say go for it.

[Azzikai]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

I'll be honest: I do want things to work out between us. I am willing to hurt myself again to see if it works.

Okay, here's the thing, you need to tell her that. You need to not accept this "LOL maybe = yes" game she plays and actually have a conversation with this woman on an adult level. No, that isn't just "how she is" it is a power play, a game, and it can't continue if you truly want to have a future with her. You need to be on equal footing or there is no point in even trying this reconciliation thing you have in mind. If she is incapable of dealing with you as an equal then, honestly, you need to accept the friends thing and leave it at that because the pain and stress will not in any way be worth it. Not for you and definitely not for your son.

The cornerstone of any lasting relationship is honestly. It sounds corny but there it is.

[Brad2770]

Originally Posted by Azzikai

Okay, here's the thing, you need to tell her that. You need to not accept this "LOL maybe = yes" game she plays and actually have a conversation with this woman on an adult level. No, that isn't just "how she is" it is a power play, a game, and it can't continue if you truly want to have a future with her. You need to be on equal footing or there is no point in even trying this reconciliation thing you have in mind. If she is incapable of dealing with you as an equal then, honestly, you need to accept the friends thing and leave it at that because the pain and stress will not in any way be worth it. Not for you and definitely not for your son.

The cornerstone of any lasting relationship is honestly. It sounds corny but there it is.

She knows. I told her last Thursday. She knows Exactly how I feel and What I want. She told me what she was able to offer right now and that is how the FWB got brought up.

I dont play games. I am a blunt person.

As for her, she has always had a hard time explaining how she felt. For her, actions speak louder than words, which is one reason i have not been so vocal to her. I am keeping most things to myself until it is important.

We used to talk about everything when we were really friends. She is slowly opening back up to me. I am not going to give her stipulations right yet. She owes me nothing.

[Sunder]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

She knows. I told her last Thursday. She knows Exactly how I feel and What I want. She told me what she was able to offer right now and that is how the FWB got brought up.

I dont play games. I am a blunt person.

As for her, she has always had a hard time explaining how she felt. For her, actions speak louder than words, which is one reason i have not been so vocal to her. I am keeping most things to myself until it is important.

We used to talk about everything when we were really friends. She is slowly opening back up to me. I am not going to give her stipulations right yet. She owes me nothing.

It is obvious at this point you have already made up your mind on this and are just here looking for validation of your decision. The problem here is, you are going into this situation with more emotionally invested than she is. You are the one desperately wanting reconciliation. She is the one leading you along. For what purpose, we can't be sure. Because, as you admit, she rarely is open with anyone about how she feels. This will end badly. And this time, it's not just you that will be hurt, but your son as well.

[Brad2770]

Originally Posted by Sunder

It is obvious at this point you have already made up your mind on this and are just here looking for validation of your decision. The problem here is, you are going into this situation with more emotionally invested than she is. You are the one desperately wanting reconciliation. She is the one leading you along. For what purpose, we can't be sure. Because, as you admit, she rarely is open with anyone about how she feels. This will end badly. And this time, it's not just you that will be hurt, but your son as well.

My son will not know anything different from what he already sees. Like I said before, us just hanging out as friends has to be confusing to him (maybe not so much now, but as he gets older).

"Why does dad have a different home?" "Why do you not share a bed with momma?" .. so on..

With is hanging out so much, thats where the confusion sets in... not that fact that we are having sex after he goes to bed.

There are a lot of unsure things in this world. People's financial struggles, yet they still go spend 10 bucks on a movie every now and then or buys some beer. Someone's job situation, yet they still show up to work late sometimes or takes an extra 10 minutes for lunch. People gamble with the uncertain aspects of life all the time. I am gambling with my 'relationship' with my ex.

[Sunder]

Originally Posted by Brad2770

There are a lot of unsure things in this world. People's financial struggles, yet they still go spend 10 bucks on a movie every now and then or buys some beer. Someone's job situation, yet they still show up to work late sometimes or takes an extra 10 minutes for lunch. People gamble with the uncertain aspects of life all the time. I am gambling with my 'relationship' with my ex.

You are seriously going to compare a $10 movie ticket with an emotional relationship with your ex and your son's emotional future? Ok. Go fuck her brains out and enjoy.

[Brad2770]

Originally Posted by Sunder

You are seriously going to compare a $10 movie ticket with an emotional relationship with your ex and your son's emotional future? Ok. Go fuck her brains out and enjoy.

That was a bad example, but finances and job security is just as emotionally damaging to some as a relationship.

EDIT***

Was typing this in while I had a customer

Anyways, who's to say that me and my ex do not try and work things out. The individuals we may and try get with in the future could be just as damaging to my son as me and my ex trying to work things out. (Like when i mentioned earlier about being kicked out from my "dad's" house at 10 years old... that is fucked up).

I would rather try with her than for some bitch to really mess up my son... or some man my ex may get with.

[Hatorade]

I forget why you guys broke up to begin with but whatever it was it will happen again. You just have to figure out if you can either handle it better this time or if it happens again will you break up again?

and ex is an ex no matter what you are doing with them. If respect is gone then you def have no hope.