Help me make an A in Engrish.

[Gilgamel]

Ok so I have this English class. It's related to sports, so I assumed it would be some jock-friendly course I could make an easy A in, since I'm a finance major and I could give two shits about the written word. Unfortunately the teacher is a female graduate student whose interest in sports is that she ran cross-country, and who feels we need to write a paper or two a week on comparative advertising, what makes athletes great, and our favorite deodorant. At any rate my latest tribulation is a so called ethnographic research paper. One component of said research paper is that I need to do a survey of between 40 and 100 people. My teacher was so kind as to suggest I make up said survey and print off 100 copies then give it out to people in one of the gigantic auditorium classes. Knowing my fellow classmates as well as I do I know that would not end well as the average return on each twenty surveys handed out would be only one or two, so I instead chose to sit on my ass and give out the survey to a much more entertaining and enlightened group of people: The FoH community!! Besides, what the hell kind of ethnographic survey would it be if I gave all of them to 20 year old college kids? It's a simple survey, you can be as brief or as a verbose as you like. It's fun and easy too!! It's sports related but mainly seems to be a marketing/sociological type course so I put it in general. First five questions have to be general information. If you don't want to reply you could PM me the answers as well. Appreciate it.

1. Age
A) <18
B) 18-24
C) 25-35
D) Old

2. Education
A) High School
B) Some College
C) College Graduate
D) Graduate Degree

3) State/Country
If you live in the US give your state, if you live outside the US give your country. Bonus points to non-US residents.

4) Sex
Male or Female, my summary of the survey only has to be 4 pages so I don't have room to explain any other possible responses :P.

5)Approximate income. If you're comfortable with it. If not that's fine too; beside, it's the internet, just make something up.

Now on to the sports related nonsense.

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?

9) Do you watch women's sports?

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?

That's it. I have so much confidence in the people of FoH that I have waited until less than a week before the final project is due to post my survey.

Edit: Great responses so far, give me 20 more and I can fudge my way through the paper. The sports related clothing question refers to people who buy timberlands because of the look who never hike, people who buy basketball shoes to look hip but can't bounce a ball, etc. The question about how often you wear sports related clothing is in regards to wearing a cap, shirt, jacket, or whatever of a team. Some people are huge sports fans but rarely wear the gear, and some people wear a Yankees cap every day and couldn't name one player.

[prescient63]

1. Age
A) <18
B) 18-24
C) 25-35x
D) Old

2. Education
A) High School
B) Some College
C) College Graduatex
D) Graduate Degree

3) State/Country
If you live in the US give your state, if you live outside the US give your country. Bonus points to non-US residents.

NH FTW

4) Sex

M

5)Approximate income. If you're comfortable with it. If not that's fine too; beside, it's the internet, just make something up.

$94k

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?

Does the gym count? If so 4.

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?

0

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?

no

9) Do you watch women's sports?

They are like men who aren't athletic. If i really wanted to watch myself play sports I would just bring a camcorder and tape myself.

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)

Only for 15 minutes

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?

I think steroids are great because they make sports more entertaining. Look at athletes from the 60's and 70's they were puny.

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?

Economics says no so I agree. Just think supply and demand.

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?

Could I be MJ in his prime? If not I'll go w/ Brady because we all know who he is fucking.

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?

I have a football I throw around the office, and I don't think that was its intention.

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?

They are athletes first. They get recruited to play college sports which is big business. Without their athletic abilities they sure as hell wouldn't be going to those schools. I'm talking about athletes at major schools on scholarships obviously. If you are going to Middlebury or something you're a student first.

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?

All day? 0

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?

Definitely

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?

Yes, they bring in huge amounts of revenue for the surrounding area and are one of the keys to economic development in many urban areas.

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?

Gilgamel is lazy and there is no way 100 people will respond to this.

[Cynno]

I hate to say this, but that is one hell of a long list of questions for us to answer. Although I'm sure there are some people with enough time on their hands, like me!!

1. C

2. C

3. CALIFORNIA!!!

4. Male

5. 17k a year, lol I'm poor!

6. None, unless you count Wii bowling.

7. 10

8. Nope

9. Nope, cept womens beach volleyball

10. See above

11. Steroids aren't destructive unless you're retarded. It's just for my entertainment, who cares if they kill themselves?

12. Yes and no. Obviously the teams have the money to pay these players the salaries that they receive so why not pay them? If they paid them less then it would just be like the normal corporate world where workers get paid shit while the executives take bonuses of 100 million home.

13. Noone really, but if I had to choose prolly some soccer player over in Europe for all the euro bitches. Maybe Cristiano Ronaldo or whoever?

14. Not really.

15. Athletes first.

16. 0

17. Hell yah

18. Yes, can really keep a team at home and loved like the Green Bay Packers.

19. You're professor needs to learn that having students hand out 20 question surveys that require more than a yes/no answer is dumb as shit.

[Maio]

1. Age
C) 25-35

2. Education
C) College Graduate

3) State/Country
Puerto Rico (United States citizen if you need that info as well).

4) Sex
Male.

5)Approximate income.
Undisclosed.

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
Between 6-18 hours.

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?
0.

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?
No, although I gotta admit the new Gillete commercial with Tiger Woods, Thiery Henry, and Roger Federer is really cool.

9) Do you watch women's sports?
No.

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)
Yes, although the sport has to be entertaining as well. For example, I do watch beach volleyball 'cuz I actually like the sport, but I don't watch swimming competitions regardless of how hot the women look 'cuz it bores the hell out of me.

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?
Yes, I do care about steroids. Anything that fucks you up in the long run = bad, anything that makes you a better athlete without bad consequences is OK in my book.

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?
No.

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
Ehh.. no idea. I like to be me.

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?
No.

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?
They are athletes first. They get their tuition because they are athletes. If they stop practicing they get no tuition at all.

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?
Everyday.

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?
Yes, definetly. I actually consider it the ultimate sport. You need wit, courage, intelligence, and top physical condition (remember what happened to Butterbean when he tried MMA). They are just modern (Roman) gladiators if you ask me. Besides, there's no difference between MMA and boxing. Competition is actually much much fierce than any other sports and more preparation is required. Interestingly, it seems MMA athletes develop stronger bonds with their opponents after being defeated or defeating them.

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?
Definetly, sports are great for society. They help channeling aggression and violence through controlled means. Overall they contribute to make yourself better while recognizing your opponents' qualities.

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?
Is she hawt? Does she put out? Pics or it didn't happen.

[Tuco]

1. Age
B) 18-24


2. Education
C) College Graduate

3) State/Country
Michigan

4) Sex
Male

5)Approximate income.
$65k

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
Counting weight lifting: 4-5. Not counting weight lifting: 0

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?
1. Every couple weeks I'll watch a game.

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?
Not that I'm aware of.

9) Do you watch women's sports?
If it's on at someone else's house who is boring. I like watching tennis because the women are hot and grunt when they swing.

10) Definitely.

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?
As long as a substances aren't prohibitively expensive or damage the athletes body I'm okay with it. I have a problem when athletes need to damage their bodies and future in order to compete with other athletes who are hurting themselves.

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?
I feel people pay too much attention to professional athletes, but I feel that their salary is cost effective and reasonable based on that.

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
NFL Kicker.

14) No.

15) If they're extremely good and have a shot at going pro, athletes first. If they're not good enough they should stick to the books more. I think if someone can ditch a college because they made it on a pro team they should go for it.

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?
Define sports related?

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?
Yes.

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?
No opinion.

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?
No.

[Phelps McManus]

1. Age
C) 25-35

2. Education
C) College Graduate

3) State/Country
South Carolina

4) Sex
Male

5)Approximate income.
$130k/yr

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
Zero

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?
3-4

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?
No

9) Do you watch women's sports?
No

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)
Yes

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?
Steroids should be banned in all competitive sports

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?
No

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
Tiger Woods

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?
No

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?
Athletes

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?
Zero

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?
No, it is exercise.

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?
Yes.

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?
You had a pretty good idea posting this here instead of handing them out at school. Granted, your sample will be a bunch of computer nerds.

[MrGraham]

1) B
2) B
3) Virginia
4) Male
5) 40k
6) 2
7) 0
8) no change
9) no
10) yes
11) when you get up to the amount of money that's involved in professional sports, there's always going to be shady shit going on. that said, I personally don't care.
12) yes
13) i have no idea?
14) no
15) athletes
16) 0
17) it's either not a sport or one of the purest sports as it doesn't have equipment/protection to interfere. nascar is not a sport.
18) by the government? no, it's a big enough industry as it is. however, there's probably enough evidence backing up the fact that it's a good investment because of all the other business it brings to the city.
19) My biggest problem with sports is that it creates false expectations in young people (if I practice enough I can make millions in the NBA) and the fact that our teachers and firefighters and police officers are paid 1/100th of what people playing a game make. I know there's no easy way to change that situation due to our market setup and societal values but it still makes me sick.

[Antoine]

1. Age
B) 18-24


2. Education
B) Some College

3) State/Country
If you live in the US give your state, if you live outside the US give your country. Bonus points to non-US residents.
Virginia

4) Sex
Male or Female, my summary of the survey only has to be 4 pages so I don't have room to explain any other possible responses :P.
Male

5)Approximate income. If you're comfortable with it. If not that's fine too; beside, it's the internet, just make something up.
$12500/yr (student)

Now on to the sports related nonsense.

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
3

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?
10

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?
no

9) Do you watch women's sports?
no

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)
yes

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?
yes

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?
no

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
Tiger Woods, of course

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?
no

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?
depends: d1 football/basketball top-bill recruits, athletes. almost everything else, students.

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?
4

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?
no

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?
yes

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?
no

[Quineloe]

C,B,GERMANY,M,1800EU,0.1,0.1,NO,NO,NO,YES,NO,Schum acher, NO,IDK,All day because they're more comfortable than jeans, YES, YES, NO,

[Clericnon2boxed]

1. Age
C) 25-35

2. Education
A) High School
B) Some College

3) State/Country
germany

4) Sex
Male

5)currently hmm converted to dollar, ~700 /mo

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
Do e-sports count ? if not then 0 if wow arena counts then 2 hours per week, if bgs count too maybe 20 hours

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports? 0-3 (depends whats goin on, olympics and other big events may increase the number up to 10-15)

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product? maybe on a subconscious level

9) Do you watch women's sports? very rarely, biathlon being the exception cause germany owns there atm

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.) yes

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment? I care, I would like to see clean sports

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high? some seem extreme, I only really care if they get top salaries and then deliver subpar performance

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
hmm maybe Body Miller ? dunno

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)? I have those Nike Free shoes, I think they are marketed for some sport activities, I wear them outside around the year for everything, cause they are so light and flexible blahblah

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first? students, unless they are very very good

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing? my shoes, hmm 5-7 days a week

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport? yes

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?

arent they ? at least in germany I think some are

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?

bread and games, lets keep it simple

[Blumpster]

1. Age
B) 18-24

2. Education
A) High School

3) State/Country
Washington

4) Sex
Male

5) 30K a year

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
About 10 hours. Bicycling/Weight Lifting.

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?
20-25. I'll watch any sport, golf, hockey, tennis, darts, I like it all.

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?
No.

9) Do you watch women's sports?
Tennis

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)
Of course

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?
Don't care

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?
They are proportionate to the income of the sports themselves. The NFL makes billions, so the players make millions. Their salaries are justifiable.

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
Roger Federer or Tiger Woods, because they're damn near perfect at what they do.

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?
Not that I can think of

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?
Depends on the individual. You can't make a blanket statement like that.

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?
Actual sporting goods? Every day. Like team logo shit? Never.

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?
Yes

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?
No.

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?
She should wear revealing clothing because sexy women in the workplace is a grand thing indeed.

[Zerai]

1. Age
C) 25-35

2. Education
C) College Graduate

3) State/Country
Canada

4) Sex
Male

5)Approximate income.
50-60k

Now on to the sports related nonsense.

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
0

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?
0

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?
No

9) Do you watch women's sports?
No

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)
Yes.

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?
Entertainment though I have friends who use them, I don't really care though.

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?
Yes.

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
Whoever got paid the most. Not concerned with sport.

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?
No. I own running shoes I use at the gym.

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?
Depends on the school and the sport. If you have a chance of taking the sport beyond the school, you are an athlete. If you're doing it as something on the side, you're a student.

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?
0

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?
Yes.

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?
Unless the local area gets the money back when the stadium generates income. If they can afford to pay the athletes several million, they can operate a building.

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?
No.
[/quote]

[findar]

1. Age
B) 18-24

2. Education
B) Some College

3) State/Country
Texas

4) Sex
Male

5)Approximate income. If you're comfortable with it. If not that's fine too; beside, it's the internet, just make something up.
12k/yr

Now on to the sports related nonsense.

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
4-6

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?
2-3

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?
no change

9) Do you watch women's sports?
yes

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)
yep

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?
care

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?
no

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
tiger woods

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?
no

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?
depends

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?
2-3

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?
yes

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?
yes

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?
need pictures for better response. is said professor a cutey pie?

[theawddone]

1. Age
A) <18
B) 18-24
C) 25-35
D) Old

2. Education
A) High School
B) Some College
C) College Graduate
D) Graduate Degree

3) State/Country
If you live in the US give your state, if you live outside the US give your country. Bonus points to non-US residents.
CA

4) Sex
Male

5)Approximate income. If you're comfortable with it. If not that's fine too; beside, it's the internet, just make something up.
<$10,000

6) How many hours per week do you spend participating in sports?
<5

7) How many hours a week do you spend watching sports?
<5

8) Does an advertisement with a successful athlete in it make you more/less/no change likely to purchase a product?
Nope

9) Do you watch women's sports?
Nope

10) Would you be more likely to watch women's sports if the women in question are attractive and/or scantily clad(think beach volleyball, swimming, tennis, etc. Perverts.)
Women Volleyball at the olympics is the win, so yes?

11. Do you care about steroids or is it all just entertainment?
Prefer they don't, but I wish the government didn't spend money investigating it.

12) Do you feel salaries for professional athletes are too high?
Yep

13) If you could be any athlete for one year who would it be?
not sure, would probably rather be a coach than an athlete, for a football team

14) Do you own a sports related item that you never use for its marketed purpose(such as basketball shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, etc)?
no

15) Do you feel collegiate athletes are students first or athletes first?
they are both, there's no first, they are student athletes.

16) On how many days of the average week do you wear a sports related article of clothing?
i don't own any sports merchandise unless you count running shoes/shorts

17) Do you consider Mixed Martial Arts a sport?
Sure

18) Do you feel professional stadiums/arenas should ever be locally subsidized or funded?
Nope, they are a private endeavor

19) Is there anything else you'd like my aspiring professor to know?
is she cute? (see above

[Gilgamel]

Great responses so far, give me 20 more and I can fudge my way through the paper. The sports related clothing question refers to people who buy timberlands because of the look who never hike, people who buy basketball shoes to look hip but can't bounce a ball, etc. The question about how often you wear sports related clothing is in regards to wearing a cap, shirt, jacket, or whatever of a team. Some people are huge sports fans but rarely wear the gear, and some people wear a Yankees cap every day and couldn't name one player. I know it's long but it's supposed to be around twenty questions, so I tried to make them simple to answer. I have until Wednesday of next week to get something rough done.

G

Edit: As to the teacher herself she's young and she ran cross country, so she's in shape. She's not bad looking, and I'd consider her nice if she'd stop giving me an endless number of 3-4 page papers.