work stories

[Gudrid]

I'm an internet helpdesk tech for around a 100 different companies and thought I'd share...

Today some lady was telling me she saw an ad in the paper "work at home and make $$$ blah blah.." and it required a VPN. She ended up on the phone will Dell because she couldn't view this companies secure site (https). Dell sold her windowsXP, a 3 year tech support warranty "it's recommended for business computers"-Dell, and had her print out about 20 pages of irrelavent BS all without solving her problem. After about 20 minutes of her blabbing and not letting me cut her off I had her accept all cookies and zomg it worked. *^%&*$ Dell.

Also just random things:

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Mam, is there a router or some sort of device between your computer and the modem? (she knew what the modem was)

"No. I use yahoo"

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Double left click on the blue E that says Internet Explorer

"Let see...oh here it is! It says Microsoft Internet Exploder"

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I was asking this lady to enable her local area connection and she asked

"Is there a way to see if my mouse is sending all this information to the hard drive properly?"

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A person wasn't able to view some random videos in WMP--I told this person that it's an unsupported issue and that we just troubleshoot internet connections and make sure they are able to view webpages.

"What does unsupported issue mean?"

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A guy I work with was trying to have a customer power cycle their modem and the cust wouldn't agree to it. He convined the customer that the modem was too hot and to place it in his freezer for about 1 minute.

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Numerous people say "microwave" instead of "microsoft"

I would guess around 80% of the calls are from women

Majority of the calls come from NY and FL and they're all frickin retarded! jk those ISPs have the most customers

[BruuceWarduck]

those are all absolutly hillarious, tell more

[Ham n Cheese]

I get at least one customer everyday who says their wireless connection stopped working and 9 times out of ten they turned it off (notebook computers).

[Bralkan]

Originally Posted by Ham n Cheese

I get at least one customer everyday who says their wireless connection stopped working and 9 times out of ten they turned it off (notebook computers).

I've had that happen a lot.


I've had someone ask me: "If I unplug my computer, will it lose all the information? I mean, can I move it to another room and it still be the same when I turn it on?"

The one about putting the modem in the freezer is reaaallly funny.

[LexarkT11]

lol, thats great

[EnigmaticParadigm]

Agreed, funny stuff. My job lacks a lot of humor. I was going to wear scrubs that had tombstones or grim reapers all over them, but was told that they would be inappropriate .

Worst thing that I can remember that happened at work was at the county hospital. There was an older man suffering from several mental conditions, hep C, cirrhosis, and AIDS (go-go drug abuse). He seemed to get along fine with most of the staff, all except for this one CNA. He absolutely hated her. How much did he hate her, you ask? Well, when she would go in to check his vitals every four hours, he would bite his lower lip until he bled and then try to spit in her face.

Couldn't actually press charges on the guy due to his mental state. Fun stuff.

[LexarkT11]

Originally Posted by EnigmaticParadigm

Agreed, funny stuff. My job lacks a lot of humor. I was going to wear scrubs that had tombstones or grim reapers all over them, but was told that they would be inappropriate .

Worst thing that I can remember that happened at work was at the county hospital. There was an older man suffering from several mental conditions, hep C, cirrhosis, and AIDS (go-go drug abuse). He seemed to get along fine with most of the staff, all except for this one CNA. He absolutely hated her. How much did he hate her, you ask? Well, when she would go in to check his vitals every four hours, he would bite his lower lip until he bled and then try to spit in her face.

Couldn't actually press charges on the guy due to his mental state. Fun stuff.

Fucking sick, I would have said fuck his vitals and put some poison in his IV

[Abysmal]

this thread was ruined the moment it began. nobody can beat the funny stories tech support guys have, no one. all the rest are simply a disappointment. the only hope is for more tech support stories. also, i'd shove tongue depressors under that aids infected fags finger nails for pulling some shit like that.

[BobDole901]

yeah...totally...

Like this one time, a client requested an APC test at a 1, 2, 3 dilution but their counts were > 250000 cfu/g. Idiots...

And then there was the time a client wanted a 3 tube MPN count for an environmental swab. Are you serious? Do you really need a count of <3.0 cfu/g for your result? Aren't you satisfied with the <10 cfu/g the standard petrifilm test yields with like 10 times less work.

Some people....


<-- I'm a QA microbiologist and you're right. It lacks the funny.

[Nikkohung You]

I work with resumes and often have to send letters to people with candidate work books or letters of denial. These are generally C-level executives and up, I try to put something special in each one, like a bugger or snot or anything else i have on hand.

[Gudrid]

Let me tell you about a guy named John...

John started working about a month after me at the internet helpdesk and John has a very brown nose. In the office there are some unwritten rules; one of them being that you don't take someone elses spot that has been there longer than you. John did not like this rule and decided to sit as close as possible to the bosses and senior technicians.

Bob whom normally sat there became angry and started putting clear tape on the bottom of that work station's optical mouse, locking the chair at lowest position, and unplugging numerous cable from the back of the comp. John finally figured out who was being mischievous and reported it--Bob was given a warning and stopped his warfare.

John is not a gamer and does not own a console. Some of the bosses play WoW and will often congregate to converse about it. Seeing as how John sits so close to the bosses, he couldn't help listening in. After finding out about the game and the server that the bosses play on, John went out and bought WoW. John has recently been promoted to senior technician after being there not even 1 year. Some regular techinicians have been there 4-5 years, but have not been promoted. Well then, John must be pretty sharp at his job for rising in ranks so quickly...and perhaps other senior technicians are the same way.

Here is just one of many incidents I've had with John. There was also a ticket template not in the screenshot that said there were no firewalls/proxies/options stopping them from loading a webpage. It was pretty obvious that they weren't going to be able to load a speedtest website, sad because I had to point it out to John and the other Senior Tech.

[Taehoon]

This guy named Josh used to work for us. One of the things my company does as a Litigation Support vendor is EDD (Electronic Data Discovery). Essentially it is the conversion of any electronic file to a standardized format (typically tiff images as digital representations of each page of the document, along with extracted metadata and document text, which will be put into a database format for the lawfirm to load into their system).

Anyway, during one summer we had a lot of EDD processing, and we wanted someone to work 3rd shift (11pm to 7am) to keep things running; Josh enthusiastically volunteered. This guy however was captain slacker - really smart, but just didn't like the idea of working for a paycheck. As you can guess, Josh didn't do a whole lot but sleep while he was working all by himself on 3rd shift.

One night I had to stay late to get something done, which involed me staying until about 3am. On and off during those later hours, Josh was sleeping on one of the couches we have (these are leather couches, pretty beat up) with his shoes AND socks off. One of the things you should also know about Josh, he also doesn't like to bathe....

So I'm bugging him to get up and do some fuckin work. I have to leave to go pick something up with another guy, and I tell him that I'll be back soon. The other guy says he'll just go get it on his own, so I stay. I come back and of course find Josh sleeping again. Later on when I'm getting ready to leave, he's up and working, and I ask him how much he thinks he can get done during the rest of the night. He tells me such and such and I'm like okay cool, just don't be sleeping on the couch, we need you to be working on this.

I leave and go home. I come back in during the afternoon, and check up on what Josh had accomplished. I don't see anything being marked as completed, so I call Josh and ask him what he did. He says that the program was going really slow blah blah. I suspected total lies, so I investigated.

When you create a file in Windows, every file is given a creation date. I specifically looked at the output of what he was "working" on. There was a giant gap, from 3:20am (20 mins after I left) to 7:10am (when 1st shift people started coming in). Needless to say I was pissed, and took some screenshots and showed them to my boss. You might think that's a dick move, but this wasn't the first time Josh had let us down. I'd like to tell you that his ass got fired, but for some reason it was decided that we needed him that badly. And he only worked 3rd shift again for about another week.

[dak]

Speaking of work. Is anyone here a prison guard or knows someone who is?

I'm just curious if the ones that are power hungry, sadistic assholes exhibit the same social ineptitude and hate to people they don't have under their thumb.

I just can't accept that this collection of white trash, bulldykes and negresses actually have personality and that is infact why they had to resort to working in a job they seem to hate.