People

[Chaotic]

What do you think about people?

It seems I always have bad experiences. Mind you, this is not some livejournal drama, so i'll spare a lifetime saga story. However, I've found post high school, people in general are a tremendous effort. Effort being what it takes to keep the relationships in such a way that make them impact my life in a positive manner.

Now, with risk of sounding like some arrogant fuckhead, i'll just go ahead. I'm good looking, was one of the most popular kids in everything my whole life, you know - the leader type guy. I've always "Got the girl" I have no serious problems, no fucked up family life. I imagine I have it better then most people do. Yet, consistently i'm just let down by people, and find myself unhappy. This problem is exacberated by the fact I know I should be happy because "it could be much worse"

These "let downs" generally, almost exclusively actually, tend to come from interpersonal drama, politics etc.

For those of you who were here years ago, you may remember my thread about the 4 year high school sweetheart gf who dumped me after I pulled her out of anorexia and depression, because I "reminded her" of said problems. So, obviously coming off of this it was rather hard to really trust people, invest myself in relationships etc.

But I try, I have an uncanny ability to be incredibly open without really putting myself at risk, i'm apathetic as fuck. I know i'm only young once, and I try to make the most of it so to speak.

I'm not anti social, although I do very much enjoy spending time on the computer. I find this waning this past year though, perhaps because college is more intense, and i'm more self aware, i'm not sure.

Anyway, i'm rambling. A really shitty thing happened today and it just got me thinking about people in general, about how things definitly are much simpler when others just aren't around, albeit more hollow. What the fuck am I doing wrong? Or is it just how things are? High school I never dealt with this.

[Mkopec1]

Not to sound like a dick or nothing, but maybe the problem is not with the people around you but yourself.

Im only going form what you wrote here and I have met many people like yourself througout my life, the "leader" types, the "A" personality people which always have a problem with everything in some way. And are usually the cause of the interpersonal drama.

But then again you didnt really give us much to go on either so I could be just spewing shit.

Another thing is usually at around your age,what 18, 19, 20? You go through a phase of life where you get humbled by the real world around you. See most adolescents throughout highschool and even college take the mindset of being at the center of the universe, they know it all and their shit dont stink. But experiences throughout life make you a more humble and wise person. where you tend to shrug off things people say, you tend to listen more to people around you, even keeping you mouth shut at times so no drama insues. You start realising that you are just a speck in this thing we call life. Also sometimes you have to shead yourself of the loosers around you that you called friends, because they really are not friends, they are mere acquaintances. sometimes people like that can drag you down and keep you down at their level, where you yourself really need to advance out of that old mindset.

Im more of an introvert myself, and I cherish the time I have to spend alone, thinking about shit, playing video games, and tend to shy away from all things social. Mostly because I have not really met many people which relate to me on a personal level, sharing the same interests as me, basically like all of you guys. Most of the people which im friends with I have basically nothing in common with, other than being drinking buddies when the time comes. Im married and have kids and that helps though.

I guess you need to spill more, as to why people bug you or whatever, you gave us too little to go on.

[James]

Originally Posted by Mkopec1

Not to sound like a dick or nothing, but maybe the problem is not with the people around you but yourself.

There's no maybe about it.

[Chaotic]

Originally Posted by Mkopec1

Not to sound like a dick or nothing, but maybe the problem is not with the people around you but yourself.

Im only going form what you wrote here and I have met many people like yourself througout my life, the "leader" types, the "A" personality people which always have a problem with everything in some way. And are usually the cause of the interpersonal drama.

But then again you didnt really give us much to go on either so I could be just spewing shit.

Another thing is usually at around your age,what 18, 19, 20? You go through a phase of life where you get humbled by the real world around you. See most adolescents throughout highschool and even college take the mindset of being at the center of the universe, they know it all and their shit dont stink. But experiences throughout life make you a more humble and wise person. where you tend to shrug off things people say, you tend to listen more to people around you, even keeping you mouth shut at times so no drama insues. You start realising that you are just a speck in this thing we call life. Also sometimes you have to shead yourself of the loosers around you that you called friends, because they really are not friends, they are mere acquaintances. sometimes people like that can drag you down and keep you down at their level, where you yourself really need to advance out of that old mindset.

Im more of an introvert myself, and I cherish the time I have to spend alone, thinking about shit, playing video games, and tend to shy away from all things social. Mostly because I have not really met many people which relate to me on a personal level, sharing the same interests as me, basically like all of you guys. Most of the people which im friends with I have basically nothing in common with, other than being drinking buddies when the time comes. Im married and have kids and that helps though.

I guess you need to spill more, as to why people bug you or whatever, you gave us too little to go on.

I'm 21, graduating college shortly.

You actually hit the nail on the head with the fourth paragraph, thing is those are things i've already done and have realized, for the most part. From losing the old high school friends, to accepting the fact that in high school I was someone, but here in the real world i'm really not much of anything. I'm pretty fucking humble nowadays.

Drama as in the unpredictability of others, people taking things out of context etc.

Actually, let me preface by saying I am the mediator of drama when possible, I cause *none* you have no idea how much the very thought of drama shakes my skin.

Like, my brothers girlfriend. All she does is tear everyone down. It's constant complaints, constant bickering, things no one gives a fuck about. He laughs it off, but I die alittle inside.

Example of something that got to me yesterday, not really relatable because its a microcosm of society. I'm a lead at a hospital around here, good money, pay myself through school. We were short on thursday (yesterday) and I ended up helping with garbage. Garbage is put into miniature compactors. Housekeepers (Ie: old women) place garbage bags in there. I went to pick up garbage from one of these compactors (to place in a big bin I carry around, and go dump off @ a big compactor) and bag after bag was untied. This was a pediatrics unit, so alot of soft drinks, shakes etc just spilled fucking everywhere. I cleaned up all the loose garbage, and left the spilled shit on the floor. Not my job to clean up, and their negligence ( housekeepers) led to it happenining in the first place. I already had cleaned more then I should. Long story short, they immediatly (housekeepers) call down to my director, say I left a huge mess, garbage everywhere. She calls me, and im like listen, it's due to their laziness and this is bs, i'm simply not responsible for any mess in that room, and I already cleaned 90% of it up regardless.

Well, long story short they said they would rather be written up then clean it up. The funny thing is, its actually the porters job (male, hallway / utility room cleaner) to keep the rooms clean, they werent involved anyway. I just went up there and mopped it up in about 10 seconds to shut them up, which they could have done, or waited for a porter to do. So, we wasted 30 minutes and had a fuck load of drama for no real reason. Yea, I could have cleaned it up, but they also could have just called up and asked me, or took me aside too if there really was a problem. I then got dirty looks today.

Thats just a small example, that really doesn';t have much resonance. People blowing things out of proportion, straight up making things up, deliberatly hurting others.

[Chaotic]

Shit that was a bad example. Having a hard time really thinking straight I guess.

People don't really bug me, like I said i'm very open. I'm just always ultimately dissapointed or fucked somehow. I know some good kids, but i've grown out of touch with many more people then i've grown close to, 10:1 probably.

I make alot of friends, but people are so very self interested. I suppose you can't blame them, but I always wonder why people don't pay much heed to their impact on others. It's something i'm intensely aware of, not wanting to hurt people or make a bad impression, to be polite to strangers etc. I guess it just amazes me that people can be "bad people" without really having any qualms, or really being aware.

[Ronne]

I'm just gonna go ahead and say that people suck. My sister has had her new truck egged and shaving creamed twice now, and she only got it like a week ago. Time to camp out in the bushes with a bat, yay!

[Matt the Gimp]

It's amazing how many people you meet while on drugs. It's hard to overwhelm yourself in their shittyness while fucked up.

[The Bog]

People are people, and why should it be, that you and I should get along so awfully?

[Zinke]

tied or untied, how the fuck were you picking these garbage bags up? Unless they were all overflowing, you shouldn't have spilled that much if they were untied. Just pick up a bag with two hands, and you know.. shit tends to stay in due to that thing we call gravity.

Dude, I know where your coming from with this post, because I've been through (still working through really) it. It's a superiority complex. Maybe your smarter then most people you meet, so you start getting used to people disappointing you. However, when YOU make a mistake, your so used to other people letting you down that your instinctively blaming it on someone else. This has a snowball effect on your perception of people. Someone has to seriously impress you for you to even give them a real chance.

Only being friends with 1 out of 10 people you meet, or whatever you were trying to say, isn't so bad. But, you need to bring that bitter attitude towards random acquaintences in line before it hurts your own well-being. You said it ended up taking you 10 seconds to clean it up, was it worth raising a stink about it and having quite a few people think poorly of you? Now your going to have a negative impression with some of your co-workers.

If you had just cleaned it up, you would been in alot better standing. My honest suggestion, tell your doctor. This can be subtle signs of all kinds of things, such Depression/Anxiety.

[redav]

Seems like you have an unrealistic view of this world we're in. Alot of people don't like where they're standing in life, this naturally fills them with various shades of confusion and hostility. Are you going to get a grip on yourself or will you die a little inside, for each of these trivial matters?

[redav]

And please do not go see a doctor, just keep using the internet. Who are you going to trust for truth and advice, random assholes or a doctor who makes more money if they lie?

[Chaotic]

Originally Posted by Zinke

tied or untied, how the fuck were you picking these garbage bags up? Unless they were all overflowing, you shouldn't have spilled that much if they were untied. Just pick up a bag with two hands, and you know.. shit tends to stay in due to that thing we call gravity.

Dude, I know where your coming from with this post, because I've been through (still working through really) it. It's a superiority complex. Maybe your smarter then most people you meet, so you start getting used to people disappointing you. However, when YOU make a mistake, your so used to other people letting you down that your instinctively blaming it on someone else. This has a snowball effect on your perception of people. Someone has to seriously impress you for you to even give them a real chance.

Only being friends with 1 out of 10 people you meet, or whatever you were trying to say, isn't so bad. But, you need to bring that bitter attitude towards random acquaintences in line before it hurts your own well-being. You said it ended up taking you 10 seconds to clean it up, was it worth raising a stink about it and having quite a few people think poorly of you? Now your going to have a negative impression with some of your co-workers.

If you had just cleaned it up, you would been in alot better standing. My honest suggestion, tell your doctor. This can be subtle signs of all kinds of things, such Depression/Anxiety.

The bags are kind of small, say bathroom sized bags. You also can't tell they are untied. So, when you go to pick them up the 4ft or so to go into the large bin, shit just flies everywhere. Seeing as how 99.5% of bags are tied, you don't typically expect it, and if it happens, it happens because the bag is heavy and breaks a weak tie. Thats besides the point.

I think the whole dissapointment thing is correct, I expect people to dissapoint, i'm also overly critical. It's a problem I have, and the reason I can't settle down with any girl, and I seek validation through sex with girls from my past, why I don't really know, but I know I do it.

I have no anxiety, I never have. Depression, on and off. Small interpersonal dissapointments tend to get me depressed, very briefly though. Otherwise, i'm generally stoic.

Honestly, your whole post is very on point and is to be considered.

Fucking relationships suck. Day to day relationships I mean, interaction in general is just negative.

Fuck a doctor, I work with enough of those assholes as is. I do trust random assholes advice more. At least you guys don't let me down *insert dramatic pause*

[The Bog]

Now seriously, I'll give my opinion, I'm off my kick of only responding in song.

Basically, what you may need is a change. I've personally been on a bit of a soul-searching mission recently - needed a change of focus in my life, mostly - and hence the whole going-to-learn-in-america thing. Working in journalism and going to an expensive private secondary school has put me in touch with some of the most vacuous and cheap people you will ever meet (nothing destroys generosity like having lots of money), so I get the whole 1 in 10 thing. A different job? A different place to live? Something.

Find something to focus on when you're all riled up about things. For me, I choose (yes, haha, laugh at The Bog!) listening and searching for bootlegs of Queens of the Stone Age. Sounds lame? Probably is, but it lets me get lost when I'm tightly wound, and by the time I'm done fucking around listening to closely to the drumming on a random radio recording of Songs for the Dead, I'm a lot more reasonable about things.

The problem I read here is that a lot of people seem obssessed with humbling themselves into obscurity.

Yes, you are one person in a billion. But you're also one in a billion. There's a difference between saying "I'm not the most awesome person in the world" and going into a whole self destructive Fight Club rip off dementia. Most likely if you are thinking these things, you're not stupid. Your problem appears to be that you expect things to fail, hence you...I hate to say it...make them fail. Your view of the world may be symptomatic of the reactions you get. Don't be a doormat, but don't be a dick.

The ironic thing here is that the transitional stage that Mkopec described is something I went through at 17, before most of the drama wagon started. I didn't cause drama, but it suddenly occured to me that if someone is a cock to you for no reason, it's most likely their problem, rather than yours, and you shouldn't give much of a shit about it. Some people are idiots, but the way I see it, it's a way of bringing the goodness of other things into perspective.

You really value a good person when you know lots of asswipes. Or you don't, and you become an asswipe along with the other asswipes, and a hypocrite.

Like, my brothers girlfriend. All she does is tear everyone down. It's constant complaints, constant bickering, things no one gives a fuck about. He laughs it off, but I die alittle inside.

You die a little inside? Why the fuck don't you shoot that stuck up trollop down? That's what I'd do. It doesn't take being the wittiest guy ever to say "Shut the hell up, you're always tearing people down for no reason."

There are more eloquent and clever ways around this, but this isn't The Bog's Bombastic Wit Topic, is it?

The trick is to simmer down and care less about the world. The more bitter you get about the bigger picture - the things you CAN'T CHANGE - the worse will get for you. Sometimes you just have to reason and balance things out that you may be a rare case of someone actually giving a shit, and that you've got to keep going with that.

Balance. It's all about the balance. Balancing fun and work, balancing venom and silence, and balancing humour and seriousness.

Sorry if I rambled, I have a bad habit of doing that.

[Dintorr]

Originally Posted by Chaotic

It seems I always have bad experiences.

It sounds like a case of "Incredible Hulk Syndrome"; if every town you visit you get your ass kicked ... maybe the problem is you.

[Chaotic]

Dintorr, I already acknowledge part of the the problem is my problematic outlook. However, I also know i'm a good guy, i'm good to the people around me, and embrace new experiences.

I do expect things to fail, but thats because they almost always do.

I do need a change, everything is always "not what it seems" type deal though. I tried that already, I moved back home, changed my major, new school, new car (all of which i've been happy about) I think about just getting away sometimes, but what would that solve? In and of myself, i'm happy with where I am.

As far as letting the world roll of your shoulders, I do for the most part. Thats the tricky part, I let things slide like you wouldn't believe. Problem is, I cannot take shit for the life of me. I respond in kind, without hesitation. I think this is the "alpha male" syndrome, i'm not sure. I just have no tolerance. However, I am not an instigator, never have been.

The brothers gf, shes good for him is the problem. Well, shes good to him, and hes happy with her. Not my place to intervene, but i'd love to slap the bitch once or twice.

There are things you can't change aren't there? Isn't that a terrible thought? To settle yourself with the imperfections around you?

There was a line from Angels in America (One of the best "movies" i've ever seen, very strongly recommend it) "You think the world is perfectable" i've been thinking alot about that lately, while I don't think it is, i'd like to think I can have an impact. I'm not quite sure yet.