Signs you are Gay

Magnum PI · 02-24-2005, 09:42 AM

Signs you are Gay . . . .

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it......you're
hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic! comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.
_____________________________________________

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
.
The nurse asks him, >"Charlie, what are you doing?".

Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!".

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?"

Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago".

"Great," replied the nurse.

The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.

Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?!"
.
Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

bosch · 02-24-2005, 09:44 AM

9. If you think EQ2 is a better game than WoW, you're a ---- SHIT!!! Wrong thread.

Ham n Cheese · 02-24-2005, 09:49 AM

Genius is the word you're looking for.

-[Ao1]-Nemesis · 02-24-2005, 11:51 AM

10. If you like a hot throbbing penis in an orfice, you may be a homosexual.

Eomer · 02-24-2005, 12:06 PM

K, seriously, if it's gay to be averse to shitting in a truckstop bathroom, then I am a flamer. As far as I am concerned, if you DO use truck/rest stop bathrooms, then you MUST just be subconsciously looking for a glory hole equipped one. A real man pulls over on the side of a highway and shits in the ditch, he doesn't put his ass on the same toilet seat some disease addled, slovenly trucker just finished using.

Kilivek · 02-24-2005, 12:35 PM

Blaezenfury · 02-24-2005, 12:44 PM

Signs you are Gay . . . .

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

1. i'll agree to a certain extent, some people like being in shape because they're marathon runners or athletes.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

if you own any dog named killer and expect it to tear the fuck out of a robber for you, you sir a flameing faggot pussy bitch.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

yeah.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

i'll hold it for hours on end unless i absolutely have to shit in a public bathroom, they should be illegal.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too.

any twatwaffle that drinks coffee period needs to get laid more often and seriously go see a dentist for hygeine problems.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

what the fuck is wrong with knowing colors?

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it......you're
hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat.

eh, kinda~

8. If you enjoy romantic! comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.

heh nothin wrong with watchin a chick-flick with your woman, sure as hell gives ya bonus points.

you know you're a fag when you go see a romantic flick alone :P

dak · 02-24-2005, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Signs you are Gay

9. You have been exposed to my sig!

As for cats I've seen some hardcore fucking cats in my day. Cats that looks like they belonged wandering around the streets of Europe during the Black Plague.. Having one of those does not make you in the least bit gay.

Claw from inspector Gadget, I rest my case. He was one bad mother...

Rathmort · 02-24-2005, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by -[Ao1]-Nemesis
10. If you like a hot throbbing penis in an orfice, you may be a homosexual.

Or, just maybe... a woman.

Samus Aran · 02-24-2005, 04:21 PM

Sorry but the number one sign that you are gay is if you start a thread pointing out signs of gayness.

Ham n Cheese · 02-24-2005, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Brittney
Sorry but the number one sign that you are gay is if you have a penis yet play a girl character, with a girl name in a MMORPG.

The Bog · 02-24-2005, 05:46 PM

Quote:

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

Denied. My cats once killed this dirty fucker of a dog who used to prowl outside my house. And a fox. Every so often those cats scared me.

Quote:

Originally posted by Kilivek
2/10

Agreed.

Faylar · 02-26-2005, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Brittney
Sorry but the number one sign that you are gay is if you start a thread pointing out signs of gayness.

Word.

Qeaux · 02-28-2005, 07:38 PM

Quote:

If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

Wrong. I have a male cat that is fucking uber beyond all belief. My parents got this cat originally from the pound so that it could take care of the rat problem in the barn. This was a summer home that my folks built up in Montana so it was bitch ass cold, got down to -30 below several times that first winter i was there. Anyway i fed this cat and took care of it so it grew on me over time.

From what i was told this is a Maine Coon cat for those that might know what that is. Was skinny as hell and looked near death when i first set my eyes on it. You could see the backbone clearly and everything. Even though this cat is about twice as long as any i have seen before, it still looked pathetic. So i started feeding it that canned food you see in stores and man it was like a whole different creature after that.

It put on weight and its fur got all thick and glossy. And man let me tell you something: this cat is a hunting machine. I have seen it jump 4 feet in the air and catch a bird with its front claws. I shit you not this cat can get it done. It has left many a beak on my back poarch to prove it (since that is all thats left, he eats everything but the beak).

The best part of all is this cat has the personality of a dog. He comes when i call him, he plays, and is endlessly entertaining. He will come wake me up in the mornings by gently clawing at me till i acknowledge him and start my routine.

Sucks that the pound cut his nuts or i would breed him because he is a pimp looking mofo now. Probably 2+ long splayed out when he is laying down and stretching and i would say 15 lbs in reality even though he looks like he could weight 25-30.

I like pretty much all animals so i dont feel compelled to hate on cats just to convince a few dipshits that i am not gay.

Frawdo · 02-28-2005, 08:12 PM

My cats are 17 and 15 years old. All they do now is move around the house to find new places to sleep, and bug me when they need to be fed, which seems like every goddamn 15 minutes. They know if they whine in their high pitched cat meows I'll give in and just get them food.

The older one is fatter than Blaezenfury and has lip cancer. Her lips bleeds all the time and she rubs it with her paws which are now permently blood-stained. She still has quality of life, so she is still chillin' around here.

The younger one is the alpha cat, and it always picks on the older one. It's favorite thing to do is hide and wait for the old fat one to walk by and then claw it's hind legs. It's also elitest; it refuses to drink water from anywhere except a certain bathroom tap, but it's too old to jump up to the sink so it sits there and meows until someone (me) lifts it up and turns the tap on for it. It refuses to use a litter box like the other one, instead it just uses the dirty clothes on the floor of my room as it's own bathroom. Grabbing a shirt from the floor and throwing it on only to realize it's covered in cat unire is one of the worst feelings.

That's my gay cat story. I still love them.

02-24-2005, 09:42 AM	#1 (permalink)
Magnum PI Closing in on Makata Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: USA Posts: 1,180 -28 Internets	Signs you are Gay Signs you are Gay . . . . 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too. 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it......you're hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat. 8. If you enjoy romantic! comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly. _____________________________________________ In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. . The nurse asks him, >"Charlie, what are you doing?". Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!". The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago". "Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?!" . Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!" __________________ Last edited by Magnum PI : 02-24-2005 at 09:56 AM.

02-24-2005, 09:44 AM	#2 (permalink)
bosch Huntard Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: California Posts: 133 +0 Internets	9. If you think EQ2 is a better game than WoW, you're a ---- SHIT!!! Wrong thread. __________________ Bosch - Fusion Boscher - Eve

02-24-2005, 12:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
Blaezenfury Registered User Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada. Posts: 1,503 +8 Internets	heh Signs you are Gay . . . . 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet. 1. i'll agree to a certain extent, some people like being in shape because they're marathon runners or athletes. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. if you own any dog named killer and expect it to tear the fuck out of a robber for you, you sir a flameing faggot pussy bitch. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag. yeah. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases. i'll hold it for hours on end unless i absolutely have to shit in a public bathroom, they should be illegal. 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too. any twatwaffle that drinks coffee period needs to get laid more often and seriously go see a dentist for hygeine problems. 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious. what the fuck is wrong with knowing colors? 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it......you're hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat. eh, kinda~ 8. If you enjoy romantic! comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly. heh nothin wrong with watchin a chick-flick with your woman, sure as hell gives ya bonus points. you know you're a fag when you go see a romantic flick alone :P __________________ Blaezen Feanturi. 65th Halfling OverLord of the Vallon Zek Sever.

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02-24-2005, 09:49 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ham n Cheese You can betray me Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Houston Posts: 8,675 +20 Internets	Genius is the word you're looking for.

02-24-2005, 11:51 AM	#4 (permalink)
-[Ao1]-Nemesis Giant member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Blacksburg, VA Posts: 119 +0 Internets	10. If you like a hot throbbing penis in an orfice, you may be a homosexual.

02-24-2005, 12:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
Eomer You mean I can change this? Neat! Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 9,810 +29 Internets	K, seriously, if it's gay to be averse to shitting in a truckstop bathroom, then I am a flamer. As far as I am concerned, if you DO use truck/rest stop bathrooms, then you MUST just be subconsciously looking for a glory hole equipped one. A real man pulls over on the side of a highway and shits in the ditch, he doesn't put his ass on the same toilet seat some disease addled, slovenly trucker just finished using.

02-24-2005, 12:35 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kilivek Banned Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: WVa Posts: 1,078 +0 Internets	2/10

02-24-2005, 04:21 PM	#10 (permalink)
Samus Aran Sons of the Storm Heal Bitch Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 771 +1 Internets	Sorry but the number one sign that you are gay is if you start a thread pointing out signs of gayness.

02-28-2005, 08:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
Frawdo Death By Sexy Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 1,665 +2 Internets	My cats are 17 and 15 years old. All they do now is move around the house to find new places to sleep, and bug me when they need to be fed, which seems like every goddamn 15 minutes. They know if they whine in their high pitched cat meows I'll give in and just get them food. The older one is fatter than Blaezenfury and has lip cancer. Her lips bleeds all the time and she rubs it with her paws which are now permently blood-stained. She still has quality of life, so she is still chillin' around here. The younger one is the alpha cat, and it always picks on the older one. It's favorite thing to do is hide and wait for the old fat one to walk by and then claw it's hind legs. It's also elitest; it refuses to drink water from anywhere except a certain bathroom tap, but it's too old to jump up to the sink so it sits there and meows until someone (me) lifts it up and turns the tap on for it. It refuses to use a litter box like the other one, instead it just uses the dirty clothes on the floor of my room as it's own bathroom. Grabbing a shirt from the floor and throwing it on only to realize it's covered in cat unire is one of the worst feelings. That's my gay cat story. I still love them.