| This is one of my 'non-traditional' stories that I was talking about. I figured that it might be better to just post it instead of trying to describe it. Yes, I meant to write it without commas.
Remembering the Day
I think he said something along the lines of GET THE FUCK OFF THE FLOOR OR THE SHEEP WILL EXPLODE as he hunkered behind the couch. He tackled me out of the doorway with one giant leap knocking me flat on my ass and rolling us nearly to the stairs. Sheep? I’m pretty sure he said yeah dumbass sheep – the place is FUCKING CRAWLING with them.
Fucking crawling.
Yeah that’s what happened – that’s what he said. Or something like that. And I remember punching him as hard as I could right in the nose. I punched him so hard and there was a dull thud – it wasn’t a crack like in comic books or a smack or thwap or whatever they use. It sounded like when I used to hit the pears off my grandma’s tree with a baseball bat screaming HOME RUN! as the pears splattered across the yard drawing in the bees and the bugs and making the ground sticky to walk across especially in bare feet. Yeah that’s right. I punched him so hard and he cried and it made the floor turn red and he cried and cried and I left.
I remember walking down the stairs and maybe stopping for some lemonade. I dug around in the kitchen and found a candy bar – Snickers I think – on top of the fridge which I used a stool to get on top of. Sometimes you just need some candy to hold you over you know? I think I threw away the wrapper but it might be in my other jacket at home I hope I didn’t leave it on the counter – mama hates when I leave junk laying around. I remember for sure running out of the house at full speed and tripping over the stairs as I tried to leave. I fell flat on my face silly me. Scraped me all up – my elbow and my knee hurt so bad. I definitely remember that because I still have the scratches but they are covered with Mario bandaids – mama always told me that they’d keep me from scarring but truth be told I’ve always liked to show off my scars.
I remember getting back up and looking around making sure no one saw me – silly me. I rode my bike home it was chained to the tree that had the tree house on top of it. Well it wasn’t really much of a tree house but more like a bunch of branches we would sit on and pretend to shoot the neighbors because that’s what he said was really cool to do. He was bleeding when I unchained my bike though so no tree house today.
I rode my bike quickly down the side of the road – mama always told me to ride on the left side of the road so people could see me in their cars but I didn’t want anyone to see my scrapes and my hands all bloody from punching him right in the nose. So I’m pretty sure I rode my bike down the right side of the road so no one could see me and I think it worked out A-OK!
When I was riding home you’ll never guess what I saw it was so perfect. There was a mangy mutt (that’s what mama calls ‘em!) on the side of the road and he wasn’t too big. So I think I took the mangy mutt with me on my bike. I’m trying to be honest here but you know I can’t remember exactly how I got him home. He was kinda too big for me and my bike so I think I carried him in my lap. He had a collar with a few tags and I have it on me are you sure you don’t want to see? I keep it on my ankle but I had to punch a hole in it so it would fit okay because it was just a little too big.
So I took the mangy mutt home and silly him he tried to get away from me! Geez what a silly mangy mutt! Anyways I did just like I always did with the mangy mutts I helped him out like always – at least I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything different but I can’t be totally sure you know? Mama always told me that you can never be all the way sure of anything. So I took the mangy mutt and I used the clippers real good on it shaved it down to the skin. This is my least favorite part cause it’s messy and not much fun. Anyways then I used the pliers on him – it worked real good. He yelled at me but I know how to get him back so I used his collar. Yeah the one I got around my ankle. I used that around his snout and he couldn’t do much after that. So I used the big pliers in the basement like I always do and I made sure that mangy mutt wouldn’t wander around no more. Silly thing wimpered like crazy but you can’t just have mangy mutts roaming around the streets can you? Didn’t think so!
That silly thing was so torn up. Mama said that you’d never lived till you felt pain – want to see my legs? Mama told me not to show off those scars but I think you’re cool enough.
Anyways after that I went and got Mrs. Hannock’s little poodle from next door and that silly thing (she’s not a mangy mutt because she’s a poodle!) she had a feast and I gave it to her because she is just so precious and I let the mangy mutt finish itself off below the house where I put all of the mangy mutts I find!
Man that day was so great! And then I heard a pound pound pound on my door and people asking me about Mama. I told ‘em that I helped her live and I told ‘em I put her with the mangy mutts downstairs. Isn’t that great? And now here I am and I’m pretty sure I locked the door to the house – could you make sure of that for me? And make sure the windows are closed – mama always told me that the windows needed to be closed to keep the cold out. |