Fires of Heaven Guild Message Board - View Single Post

Jekan · 11-27-2002, 11:00 PM

Reading AL's frontpage, I couldn't help but notice some things. For one, Thott's command of descriptive language and metaphor is truly daunting. His masterful "Snowman vs. The Volcano" discourse left my heart pounding and my mind racing with dramatic imagery. His tableau inspired flashes of Nestea commercials in unholy union with popular animated holiday films. Overall, the effect was akin to listening to your father trying to incorporate "cool" sayings into his speech. To be fair, however, the update contained many valuable points, analyzed as follows:

1) Hungry tigers are happy in shopping malls...This one could swing a few ways. Historically, hungry tigers preying on humans relates to gladiatorial events and the persecution of Christians. Perhaps Thott would like to see a little of that today? On the other hand, perhaps he simply means that hungry tigers in a mall would soon locate the food court.

2) AL killed Tormax, whereas guilds exist who could not kill Tormax. This bold revelation takes AL dominance to an unprecedented level.

3) AL tried to kill the Cursed but didn't get there before those idiots went and made him killable. When they did manage to kill the "weakened" version first, they rather proudly touted the fact

4) If you make snowmen this winter, keep them away from res sticks or sharp obejcts, lest a hoard arise, as detailed, and turn on you. Should this happen, however, rest assured that they can be stopped with Rallos Zek's secret weapon...

5) GUSHERS!...That's right. The God of War weilds none other than the chewy snack with the fruity center. This discovery is one of despair. Perhaps there was hope against mighty GUSHES of lava, but faced with gushers...the world weeps.

6) While they work on fixing it, the designers have left a memo that appears when you start the Rallos encounter informing you that it is bugged. We know this, because Thott, being the ordinary, straight-laced, takes-it-as-he-finds-it guy that he is, would have no other way of knowing so on with the confidence he appears to, based on the 7.6 trillion references made in his update to how bugged the encounter is.

7) While not enjoying a good romp in Drunder, Thott apparently enjoys a good romp in other dark, black armor clad places. He cues us in on this as he describes how his profanity was so vulgar that even his love-sailors who were lounging about the room took notice.

8) After studying the final screenshot, the secret to the entire encounter is clear. Rallos Zek's incredibly large breasts imply that he is in fact a she, and to be successful, an assault must be timed to coincide with her somewhat debilitating natural functions.

We should thank Thott for opening our minds in such a fashion, and encourage him to keep up the good work. Slaps on the ass are reccommended only for those who wish to iniate the mating process. Finally, we should all look up to those who share with us the inspiring story of how they lost to the impossible.

11-27-2002, 11:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jekan Registered User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 10 -1 Internets	Thott's Latest Page Update... Reading AL's frontpage, I couldn't help but notice some things. For one, Thott's command of descriptive language and metaphor is truly daunting. His masterful "Snowman vs. The Volcano" discourse left my heart pounding and my mind racing with dramatic imagery. His tableau inspired flashes of Nestea commercials in unholy union with popular animated holiday films. Overall, the effect was akin to listening to your father trying to incorporate "cool" sayings into his speech. To be fair, however, the update contained many valuable points, analyzed as follows: 1) Hungry tigers are happy in shopping malls...This one could swing a few ways. Historically, hungry tigers preying on humans relates to gladiatorial events and the persecution of Christians. Perhaps Thott would like to see a little of that today? On the other hand, perhaps he simply means that hungry tigers in a mall would soon locate the food court. 2) AL killed Tormax, whereas guilds exist who could not kill Tormax. This bold revelation takes AL dominance to an unprecedented level. 3) AL tried to kill the Cursed but didn't get there before those idiots went and made him killable. When they did manage to kill the "weakened" version first, they rather proudly touted the fact 4) If you make snowmen this winter, keep them away from res sticks or sharp obejcts, lest a hoard arise, as detailed, and turn on you. Should this happen, however, rest assured that they can be stopped with Rallos Zek's secret weapon... 5) GUSHERS!...That's right. The God of War weilds none other than the chewy snack with the fruity center. This discovery is one of despair. Perhaps there was hope against mighty GUSHES of lava, but faced with gushers...the world weeps. 6) While they work on fixing it, the designers have left a memo that appears when you start the Rallos encounter informing you that it is bugged. We know this, because Thott, being the ordinary, straight-laced, takes-it-as-he-finds-it guy that he is, would have no other way of knowing so on with the confidence he appears to, based on the 7.6 trillion references made in his update to how bugged the encounter is. 7) While not enjoying a good romp in Drunder, Thott apparently enjoys a good romp in other dark, black armor clad places. He cues us in on this as he describes how his profanity was so vulgar that even his love-sailors who were lounging about the room took notice. 8) After studying the final screenshot, the secret to the entire encounter is clear. Rallos Zek's incredibly large breasts imply that he is in fact a she, and to be successful, an assault must be timed to coincide with her somewhat debilitating natural functions. We should thank Thott for opening our minds in such a fashion, and encourage him to keep up the good work. Slaps on the ass are reccommended only for those who wish to iniate the mating process. Finally, we should all look up to those who share with us the inspiring story of how they lost to the impossible.