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Lord Inquisitor Seru shouts 'Who dares enter my rectum? ' or 'Rectum? Darn Near Killed Him!'
2002-04-18 01:12:06 - Main Tankin' Pussy Numero Uno 

Rapez0r Corp. was out for blood. The previous server down went by and the Lord Inquisitor sat inside his little bubble, safe and comfy, much like the Baby Jesus. We were going to kill him before our server downage but for some reason, gay shit like camping for Emperor keys and Shissarbane and other timesinks that are thrown in our laps, took precedence.

So the server came back up yesterday but due to some more stupid shit, we ended up killing other stuff. We actually broke our own AoW record and took him down with 40 people. Jimmy Planedefiler wasn't even present! Proof that those guys kick ass with Jimmy or without...

So anyways, today rolls around and Seru is on the menu. Enter Team He-Bitch:



Now I'll be honest. This fight aggravates me. This zone aggravates me. When I enter Sanctus Seru, my testicles get sweaty. Regardless, shots like this make the excess sweat tolerable:



If you were wondering just who runs in this gang of Shenises and Manginas, here is a picture. Use it as wallpaper when you need inspiration. That's all for this update... I'm off to camp more gay shit and hope and pray that our next High Priest of Ssra loot ends up being 2 star rubies and an extra copy of Theft of Vitae.



-Jimmy Planedefiler


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This Week's Episode: How Fucking Gay is the High Priest's Loot Table?
2002-04-16 00:34:57 - Animal Mother 



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Check . . .
2002-04-03 02:17:33 - Main Tankin' Pussy Numero Uno 

Two months ago we stumbled upon Serubane weaponry. For two months the guild had grinded towards equipping every single melee with the weaponry we needed to take on Lord Inquisitor Seru. All the while, in the back of my head, I knew we were facing a mob that we had no chance of beating. The guild pressed on, however...

You see, Lord Seru had become a victim of what I like to call the "Great Timesink in the Sky." A ridiculous plot by the designers at VI to keep artificial limitations upon its player base, tuning uber mobs down in difficulty as the Planes of Power drew closer. Afterall, you can't have people just go up and try to kill a mob the old fashioned way. No no, we need "Ring" events, we need "Keyed" dungeons and mobs, we need "Invulnerable to melee" mobs, you name it, they threw that shit in our faces. Taunting us... provoking us... pissing us the fuck off.

Two nights ago we finally finished our Serubane weaponry, and true to form, we scheduled Seru for last night. We went up to battle the Lord Inquisitor and quite frankly, we got our asses handed to us in true fashion. We were facing a mob so poorly tuned, so ridiculously overpowered, that we were simply overwhelmed. Unfortunately, that pissed us off even more. No way were we going to piss away two months of seriously retarded item camps because some designer decided he didn't want his mob to die.

So I sat down in Seru's chambers after the corpses were raised and the dust had settled, and began to think. I sat in that stupid fucking inner Arx for five straight hours drawing up ridiculous numbers in my head. The force we needed, the DPS, the sustained DPM, positioning, etc.. etc... etc... After five hours, though, it was as if Buddha or Allah or something came down and sat upon my shoulder and said, "You silly fucker, why do you take this kind of shit from people? Just kill the son of a bitch." And so it would be written....

I checked in with my cleric officers, I threw some silly numbers at them, they threw some sillier numbers back at me, we nodded. I checked in with my wizard officer, I told him what I needed, he told me what he could give me. I checked in with my debuff and crowd control squad, I told them what they needed to do, they said not a fucking problem. I took hold of my melee and smacked them around a bit, explaining exactly what they had to do, again, nothing but nods. Everyone had a job, everyone did their job perfectly. This is the result of mastery in the context of Everquest.



Simply put, it was the most intense 32:50 minutes of my Everquest career. Yes, the fight lasted that long...

Aftermath:





And of course the loot :)




I just want to thank my guild once again for performing so god damned well. We have been taking these ridiculous slaps in the face for months now. The "MAN" trying to hold us down... in the end, we win... as always.

...Mate






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