It's a Mystery Wrapped Inside an Enigma Hidden Beneath a Riddle
2002-11-22 14:21:59 - Furor Planedefiler
all put inside a watermelon with Gallagher and his wooden mallet standing by to make a funny.
The comedian who smashes watermelons on stage and thinks it's a goddamn riot. Whenever you see him on T.V. you always ask the same fucking question: No, not "Why hasn't he died yet," but instead, "Is this old Gallagher or new Gallagher?" Then you have to keep watching because the only way to ever find out if this is 1970's Gallagher, 1980's Gallagher, 1990's Gallagher or 2000+ Gallagher is to wait for the camera to pan over to the audience. That's not quite good enough, though, because the audience in the first two rows is somehow stuck in a timewarp with Gallagher so they always look like rejects from the Mod Squad sporting 'slickers' and 'golashas' along with five layers of Seran Wrap protecting them from Watermelon Shrapnel. You have to wait for the camera to give you a shot of the back rows where the rest of Gallagher's audience sits - the prisoners of whatever state he's giving a performance. I guess it's some kind of secret government agenda for states to torture their prisoners by sending them to see this madman perform live on stage. Anyways, when they pan over to the prisoners, you can get a grasp for what era of Gallagher you're watching by their prison uniforms. It's a long and hard road but after you find out, you're free to change the channel again - so that makes it worth the pain.
Now here's the thing about Gallagher. He is Mr. T's nemesis. But Furor, how the hell do you know this? I'll tell you how. I did the fucking math and I know my history. If we lived in Bizzaro world or perhaps just in a world gone terribly wrong where Mr. T didn't exist in his current form - hell, OPPOSITE WORLD we'll call it - Gallagher would be the person taking up Mr. T's spot in some cosmic karmic sense. Gallagher is the diametric Mr. T.
Well, we don't live in that world, thank God, but we do live in a world where these two people share the same airspace. Gallagher and Mr. T. Naturally, this pisses Mr. T off. See:
He can sense the disturbance in the force.
Where is all this going? Let me fucking finish ok?
What I've been trying to say is that this is why Mr. T and Gallagher are always playing opposite roles in every movie they star in together. Like remember, "In the Line of Fire?"
Phone ringing *ring ring*
Mr. T picks it up...
Gallagher: Hello Mr. T
Mr. T: Hello, Foo
Gallagher: I see the future, Mr. T
Mr. T: What do you see, Foo?
Mr. T: Foo, are you smashing watermelons again!?
Gallagher: *giggles* yes
Mr. T: Foo, I'm gonna git you.. oh yea, tell me what you see.
Gallagher: I see you standing over the body of another dead president *smash*
Mr. T (enraged): FOO, NOBODY HANGS UP ON T.
Bravo Mr. T.... Bravo...
Now what the fuck does this have to do with Everquest and the Planes of Power? It has as much to do with EQ as the current plotline in game. As of this morning's patch, we apparently did a time warp and had our Plane of Fire and Sol Ro kill flags stripped. Ok, that's cool. Sure... but then the patch message said something about flags or some such nonsense not making sense (no shit?) so to check with some people you had spoken with in the past to see what's up. Well what's up is that Number ONE, that cocksucker seer doesn't see me as having beaten down Sol Ro's ass. Number TWO, the cocksucker drake doesn't fucking recognize my Hero Badge or Plane of Fire Flag. Number THREE, I, my guild, and many people on other servers STILL have access to the Tower of Solusek Ro. Hrm.. you propose to fix the convoluted plotline yet you conveniently leave out the fact that apparently NOBODY SHOULD BE IN SOLUSEK RO'S FUCKING TOWER UNTIL RALLOS ZEK IS DEAD. I'm glad I knew that... oh wait, I didn't.
So why do we have access to Sol Ro's tower still? Were you guys all sitting around in the meeting this morning and going, 'Well, we could cut off everybody's access to Sol Ro Tower and piss off a shitload of people or we could just cut off their access to Sol Ro the God and the Plane of Fire and piss off just FoH.' You Bastards, I know you were... goddamnit I hate you people. Mr. T hates you too, fuckers...
At least be consistent in screwing over the playerbase and screw EVERYBODY and not just us. Also, please add a new NPC in PoK based off of Snoop Dogg's character in 'Bones' (the Pimp ass looking dude). Then in the hut where the Seer is, give us a choice to either talk to the Seer for the bullshit convoluted RP version of our flags or talk to Mr. Bones for the straight dope on our flags. Mr. Bones would tell us straight up, "Bitch, you have no fucking flags to bust into Sol Ro, get out my face." And if we asked him again, he'd kill us and wear our balls as earrings.