Scientists Discover Something Gayer than Liberace
2003-02-07 04:22:34 - Furor Planedefiler
After a grueling six hour festival of "dildo" jokes, the Fires of Heaven finally entered the Plane of Earth, Part B aka the place that both Siegfried and Roy would not be allowed to enter on grounds of 'not being gay enough.' No, not even if Roy strapped Richard Simmons onto his back and carried him around like Chewbacca did C3P0 in The Empire Strikes Back
When I asked Sylvos what his professional opinion of the zone was, he answered "this is an as of yet undiscovered form of gay." Guildmembers were left awestruck. Not because of the zone itself so much, but that Sylvos had actually discovered a new form of gay. This warrior can't say his butthole didn't pucker up just that much tighter when he heard those comments. Truth be told, I brought out the sewing kit - IRL. It's like shitting through a spaghetti strainer - it's money.
I wasn't about to stand idly by and be sucked in by this homosexual vaccuum. I picked up the damn batphone and rang Commissioner Gordon - I had to get to the bottom of this, and fast. What you are about to see is a top secret transcript of a recording made of a conference between the current Everquest producer and the lead and associate designers, respectively.
Producer: I suppose you are both wondering why I've called you in today?
Lead Designer: We've done your bidding, Master.
Associate Designer: Perhaps you want to tie us up and use our testicles as Ben-Wa balls again, Master?
Producer: We'll get to that later. *Meow* I have a problem that needs to be dealt with immediately.
*The designers perk up* Yes Master, what is it?
Producer: I need gay. There are people getting into the Plane of Earth B.
Lead Designer: Plane of Air gay?
Associate Designer: Plane of Water gay?
Producer: Gayer x 10...
Lead Designer: Master, the estate of Little Richard sued us when we went Gayer x 10 and made the Plane of Earth A.. and Little Richard isn't even dead yet.
Producer: We have more money than Jesus and we need to retain that status. Lawsuits be damned. I want you to go Liberace Squared.
Designers: It's just not possible.... It... It cannot be done.
Producer: It can and will be done. Go back to your roots. Think fools.... Think.....
Thus is born a zone that requires hours upon hours upon hours of ring events done in PERFECTION (i.e. NO FAILURE) to gain entrance to another zone via a key - a NON SOUL BOUND KEY. A Zone that has NO ZONE OUT that you can only ZONE INTO WITH A KEY. The same key that is NOT SOUL BOUND. Is this shit sinking in yet you fucking morons? Do you understand how pissed off someone would be if say, oh I don't know, they zoned in to the Plane of Earth B with their keys and say, oh I don't know, DIED? Just what the fuck do you expect people to do? Does anybody in that place have a goddamn brain? So now we have collective amnesia? We forgot about Sleeper's Tomb? We applied the principles of keyed dungeons via old Sebilis before Soul Binding but this time with 500,000 times the risk? With 5,000,000 times the PITA? I'm speechless... and Liberace is fucking pissed off.